re: Artie Lange's nose after years of drug abuse

quote:

---

he tells a funny story about snorting coke in a pig costume when he was on mad tv.

---

quote:

---

Sounds hilarious.

---

quote:

---

"I had a bad cocaine problem that I started here in New York when I was a struggling comic. I don't know how I afforded it, but I did. I took it out to LA, because I went out there to work on a show called MADtv."

?

"We did a sketch called 'Babewatch,' where I played Babe the Pig as a lifeguard. It was three hours of prosthetics. They put a big pig snout on me. They put six teats on me 'cause one of the jokes is I had a bikini top on each teat, you know?"

?

"I was real self-conscious about doing this sketch. I look in the mirror, and I'm eating my breakfast, and I'm like a pig. I'm a pig eating. I can't deal with this. Psychologically, I was losing my mind. So I said, 'I got to get high. The only way I could do this is to get high.'"

?

"So I called this Rastafarian guy who had really good coke and was reliable. When I had a chance, I ran to my car. The assistant director is like, 'Where you going?' I'm the lead of the sketch. I'm in every shot. I get in my car, and I just do like 90 MPH going out the driveway, and I go up the Pacific Coast Highway."

?

"I get to the place, and the kid's waiting for me. I get out of the car, and I looked like a pig. There's no other way to describe it. I mean, that's how good the makeup was. So the dealer looks at me and goes, 'What kind of crazy shite are you into?!' He thought I was, like, kidnapped by meth heads or something, and they were fricking me as a pig or something. 'Nah,' I said. 'I'm on a sketch-comedy show. It's for giggles.' So he gives me an eight ball."

?

"I go into this fricking bar dressed like a pig. And there's people at the bar, so I go in the bathroom, and I put cocaine on a key, and I go to do the coke, but I have a pig snout, so I can't get the coke through a pig snout, you know? So I'm like, frick, what do I do? I had to break the prosthetics, which took three fricking hours. So I break through the prosthetics with the key, I get the fricking key up my nose, and I do two hits."

?

"Now I'm rolling. I'm fine. So I get in the car. Now I start flying back to the set. I stop at a red light by, like, Topanga Canyon, and I decided to do another hit. I put more on a key that I took off the chain. I look over, and there's this hot chick in, like, a Lamborghini, and I realize she's looking at a pig doing cocaine. There's a pig in a fricking car doing cocaine, and she's watching it."

?

"I'm thinking, Look, it's LA. Might have been the third time she saw that that day, you know? It's Malibu."

---