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re: Any Tips for a 4 year old who won't sleep in his own bed?
Posted on 5/17/16 at 12:26 pm to GFunk
Posted on 5/17/16 at 12:26 pm to GFunk
quote:
Beat his arse every time he gets out of bed. I mean it. Beat. His. arse. Lock the door to your room at night. If he comes beating on it, then beat his arse. I mean it. Beat. His. arse.
I've got no clue if this is a serious suggestion, and despite the fact that I'm all for corporal punishment, this particular situation shouldn't call for that type of thing at this point in time for many reasons:
1) Your wife started this, not your son.
2) Even though he's almost 5, it is entirely plausible that he is having legitimate anxiety issues with the move and other factors
3) If he's scared, beating his arse won't make that go away.
That being said, this needs to be handled cold turkey so to speak. Don't lay with him and don't let your wife lay with him in his bed. If he falls asleep on the couch, that is fine, but you're not going to make progress by laying down with him and expecting his anxiety to go away when he wakes up and you or your wife are gone.
Try talking to him and explaining the severity of the situation and how important it is to you that he sleep in his bed at night. As someone else said, make it a project of sorts and encourage the good behavior. About the only think I'd suggest doing to ease the tension is a radio or TV to help take his mind off of it.
At the end of the day, your current approach will also work in all likelihood, you just have to stay consistent. It is worth repeating though - tell your wife to GTFO of his bed.
0
Posted on 5/17/16 at 12:26 pm to shel311
Posted on 5/17/16 at 12:29 pm to shel311
We still fight it a bit, but we got through a rough patch by allowing them to put their nap mat on the floor in our room. They would always go to sleep in their bed. The first step is getting them out the bed, next step is to work on them not waking you up if they come in the room.
Posted on 5/17/16 at 12:31 pm to shel311
frick his mom. That'll teach him a lesson
Posted on 5/17/16 at 12:32 pm to shel311
Shel, I think you and/or your wife should try something not mentioned in this thread yet.
Flip the scenario on your kid. Get a sleeping bag, air mattress, whatever... and move into HIS room for two or three nights.
The idea here is to get the kid to sleep in his bed all through the night, no matter what.
If he gets out of bed, walk him back, say nothing. Put him back in.
After a few nights, sleep somewhere between their room and yours. If he gets up, walk him back, say nothing, put him back in bed.
Then move back to your room. The bottom line is you will have already shown him he can survive the night in his own bed. Once you've established that, your son's case to be in your bed weakens, and he will know that you have every reason to expect that he will stay in bed.
Remember... this is not a reasonable act by your son. He's acting out a fear of abandonment. So the way you handle that is by increasing... not decreasing... your presence for a while. You do that by inserting yourself into the episodes at the source... then gradually back away. Eventually he will see that his fears are unwarranted.
Good luck!
Flip the scenario on your kid. Get a sleeping bag, air mattress, whatever... and move into HIS room for two or three nights.
The idea here is to get the kid to sleep in his bed all through the night, no matter what.
If he gets out of bed, walk him back, say nothing. Put him back in.
After a few nights, sleep somewhere between their room and yours. If he gets up, walk him back, say nothing, put him back in bed.
Then move back to your room. The bottom line is you will have already shown him he can survive the night in his own bed. Once you've established that, your son's case to be in your bed weakens, and he will know that you have every reason to expect that he will stay in bed.
Remember... this is not a reasonable act by your son. He's acting out a fear of abandonment. So the way you handle that is by increasing... not decreasing... your presence for a while. You do that by inserting yourself into the episodes at the source... then gradually back away. Eventually he will see that his fears are unwarranted.
Good luck!
Posted on 5/17/16 at 12:33 pm to GFunk
quote:
But hey...do whatever you think will make your wittle bitty baby sh!t rainbows into his Pull-Ups, Super Nanny Jo. Me personally I feel like there will be plenty of time to teach children right from wrong using other tools. But at that age, for that behavior, the time investment necessary to accomplish what you might advocate versus negatively reinforcing through spanking-or as I call it, beating a kid's arse-is just ridiculous.
But don't let me stop you pumpkin. You go right ahead with your deep conversations with a 4 year old and creating safety spaces and reward toys. If that's what comes naturally to you, good luck and have a great day
Whoa, this is terrible advice.
Certain behaviors deserve swift, negative reinforcement.
Other times you have to look in the mirror and realize that your lazy decisions made out of convenience have caused the problem, and you need to put in the time and effort required to fix those problems.
I'm not calling you out shel, because I know the feeling and we've all unintentionally created bad habits for our children at one time or another, but this isn't a case where your son is consciously choosing to act inappropriately. This is the fault of your wife's lazy decision making - don't double down on the laziness by beating it out of him.
Good luck!
Posted on 5/17/16 at 12:35 pm to GFunk
quote:
-it's a tad labor intensive within the context of the discussion
quote:
Not sure what you're on about here to be quite honest.
In general, I would think beating his arse, over this problem, wouldn't make sense. I'm not disparaging the "beat his arse" portion, only using it in this situation.
If the kid has genuine fear or anxiety, resulting from the move/closet monster/moms behavior, then negative reinforcement does what? What does he associate the arse whoopin with? Separation anxiety and/or fear. It would condition him to think that if he brings his fears/anxieties to dad, it will result in an arse whoopin.
The arse whoopin fear should trigger with guilt for a known act. Stealing? arse whoopin. Disrespecting your mother? arse whoopin. Lying? arse whoopin. Those are examples of things I want my kid to associate a whipping with. I don't want him thinking that coming to tell me about a monster in his closet will get him a beating. I don't want him thinking that wanting to be closer to me/mom during the night, or having anxiety at that time, will get him a beating. Even if I need to explain to him why I'm putting him back to bed on multiple occasions.
I don't think its the appropriate situation for that. But I was not trying to demean or offend you. I was certainly raised that way and see there are situations where it is appropriate.
This post was edited on 5/17/16 at 12:37 pm
Posted on 5/17/16 at 12:38 pm to pjab
quote:1 night I slept through it, but woke up to my wife having done this, setting up a mat/sleeping bag on the floor in our bedroom. He's all for that so it stops the nonsense for the night, but I don't feel like it's the correct long term solution.
but we got through a rough patch by allowing them to put their nap mat on the floor in our room. They would always go to sleep in their bed. The first step is getting them out the bed, next step is to work on them not waking you up if they come in the room.
Posted on 5/17/16 at 12:39 pm to MSMHater
quote:
If the kid has genuine fear or anxiety, resulting from the move/closet monster/moms behavior, then negative reinforcement does what? What does he associate the arse whoopin with? Separation anxiety and/or fear. It would condition him to think that if he brings his fears/anxieties to dad, it will result in an arse whoopin.
The arse whoopin fear should trigger with guilt for a known act. Stealing? arse whoopin. Disrespecting your mother? arse whoopin. Lying? arse whoopin. Those are examples of things I want my kid to associate a whipping with. I don't want him thinking that coming to tell me about a monster in his closet will get him a beating. I don't want him thinking that wanting to be closer to me/mom during the night, or having anxiety at that time, will get him a beating. Even if I need to explain to him why I'm putting him back to bed on multiple occasions.
Good on you, pops.
There's no universally right or wrong way to discipline. You have to think it through. So, great advice MSMHater
Posted on 5/17/16 at 12:41 pm to CrimsonTideMD
Actually there are some universally wrong things to do.
But you know what I mean
But you know what I mean
Posted on 5/17/16 at 12:42 pm to shel311
Sounds like you and the wife got y'all a little cock blocker for the next few years. RIP sex life.
Posted on 5/17/16 at 12:43 pm to MSMHater
quote:
The arse whoopin fear should trigger with guilt for a known act. Stealing? arse whoopin. Disrespecting your mother? arse whoopin. Lying? arse whoopin. Those are examples of things I want my kid to associate a whipping with. I don't want him thinking that coming to tell me about a monster in his closet will get him a beating. I don't want him thinking that wanting to be closer to me/mom during the night, or having anxiety at that time, will get him a beating. Even if I need to explain to him why I'm putting him back to bed on multiple occasions.
Spankings have their place - we use them whenever necessary - but in this instance it is just a lazy arse response to a problem. He will probably start sleeping in his own bed all night, but it won't be because his anxiety has been vanquished, it will be because he is more anxious about telling mom and dad and getting his arse whipped than he is about being scared to sleep alone.
He's 4/5 years old. This isn't a criminal or even a physical problem. This is one of those situations where taking a little more time and effort can pay dividends down the road. Spanking him for this simultaneously undermines spanking as a consequence for other actions and is overkill for this particular situation. In other words, punching his brother in the face and being scared to sleep alone shouldn't have the same consequences.
Posted on 5/17/16 at 12:45 pm to GRTiger
quote:
Wanted to sleep in bed with us and go back to drinking out of bottles.
Oh FFS. This is why I don't want kids. They dumb.
Posted on 5/17/16 at 12:46 pm to shel311
shel311
Just make sure you aren't missing somethin by automatically assuming it's due to your wife letting them sleep in yalls bed in your absence.
You have a built in control. It's strange for one twin to behave/react so differently at that age.
I don't mean to alarm you unnecessarily, but the change in behavior could be due to abuse.
It's probably not, but you need to make sure.
Just make sure you aren't missing somethin by automatically assuming it's due to your wife letting them sleep in yalls bed in your absence.
You have a built in control. It's strange for one twin to behave/react so differently at that age.
I don't mean to alarm you unnecessarily, but the change in behavior could be due to abuse.
It's probably not, but you need to make sure.
Posted on 5/17/16 at 12:47 pm to ThreauxDown11
My parents used to lock me in my room. Is that out? 
Posted on 5/17/16 at 12:48 pm to shel311
quote:
and there's basically nothing we can do about it lol.
I think I found your problem.
Posted on 5/17/16 at 12:48 pm to shel311
Beat with a stick
Posted on 5/17/16 at 12:49 pm to BiggerBear
quote:Ok BigBear, how do I fix it?
I think I found your problem.
Posted on 5/17/16 at 12:50 pm to CrimsonTideMD
quote:Not a good thing to hear 1 month after they started daycare in a new place.
Just make sure you aren't missing somethin by automatically assuming it's due to your wife letting them sleep in yalls bed in your absence. You have a built in control. It's strange for one twin to behave/react so differently at that age. I don't mean to alarm you unnecessarily, but the change in behavior could be due to abuse. It's probably not, but you need to make sure.
Posted on 5/17/16 at 12:51 pm to shel311
My wife fricked up and let our kid get in that habit once when I was out of town. Took several months to cure and really hurt me on teh sleep. We were successfuly when we went the other way with incentives because the threats just led to "I'm scared" conversations in the middle of the night. Offered to take my 5 year old to pick a toy if she stayed in her bed for 5 days.(week days) Also got new night lights and new sleep animals/dolls to deal with the I'm scared situations.
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