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Message
re: Alcoholic family members
Posted on 7/12/16 at 12:03 pm to Jimbeaux
Posted on 7/12/16 at 12:03 pm to Jimbeaux
quote:
Regarding being an enabler, that's just mostly psychobabble to me. It's not like I'm buying her booze for her.
Enabling is not the simple. It's really not psychobabble when you truly understand it. What are you doing about it for yourself and your kids? You can't stop her from drinking because she will find a way to drink if it's that important to her. However, you don't have to be around to watch it or subject your kids to it. See a lawyer and take steps to get them out of there along with yourself. It's hard and it's sad, but every day that you don't take some sort of action is enabling her and the alcohol to affect your lives more than it should. She has no consequences. Talking about it to others isn't changing anything. She's doing what she wants and you're right there with her. Get out or get her out of there.
If she chooses to seek help, support her. If she makes it to sobriety, support her and give it time because relapses can and do happen. That's okay if they get back to seeking help, but let time go by before you buy the sobriety. That's hard, but it's best for her and y'all.
Get some support for yourself whether it's Al Anon or a counselor. Get some for your kids if they need it...someone other than you to help explain your wife's problem to them. It's hard for a child to understand that someone may want booze more than them because it's not that simple. It's difficult to break up a family for any period of time, but it's necessary sometimes. You are in control of yourself and your children's mental and emotional health.
And, by the way, an alcoholic isn't sober in between drinking. They are not living in a "state of sobriety" so to speak. They are thinking about the next opportunity to feed the urges and how to do it.
0
Posted on 7/12/16 at 12:05 pm to Jimbeaux
My grandfather was an alcoholic until the day he died. There isn't anything more sad than a 60 year old man sweating, shaking and crying because he needs a drink.
Posted on 7/12/16 at 12:16 pm to slinger1317
quote:
She would yell and cuss at me if I asked if she was okay.
I could hardly imagine.
Posted on 7/12/16 at 12:20 pm to Jimbeaux
Didn't realize it was mother of your children. Yep, you're right. I bet that is a pain in the arse. The most important decision anyone can make is who they have children with
Posted on 7/12/16 at 12:22 pm to Breauxsif
It's a horrible way to live. Horrible. My relative's wife really tried to help him. She let him stay in the house for a long time, but living in another bedroom. She regrets that she didn't get him out much much sooner for the sake of her kids. She thought having him around was better for the sake of the kids, in spite of good advice that she was wrong. She now regrets that, but he's dead now, so no going back.
Posted on 7/12/16 at 12:26 pm to Gris Gris
quote:
She thought having him around was better for the sake of the kids
This is exactly what my mom said.
My ex-H was extremely depressed & had a drinking problem. I did everything I could to get him help. Nothing worked long term. I became his caretaker, basically, and that was even worse for both of us. It also made it extremely hard for me to leave, because I felt responsible for him. We didn't have kids, thankfully.
Being raised by an alcoholic has lifelong ramifications on children. I know every parent fricks their kid up in one way or another, but those scars run deep.
Posted on 7/12/16 at 12:34 pm to Evil Little Thing
I had 14 greyhounds last night.
This post was edited on 7/12/16 at 12:53 pm
Posted on 7/12/16 at 12:34 pm to LSU alum wannabe
I was going to say to watch this episode of intervention. i would make your wife watch it too. This episode just was so sad. It really hurt my heart to watch what this family went thru. Children were involved and this man was once a loving dad.
Bret Cansler
Episode 93. Season 7, Episode 7
Alcoholic
Spoiler alert... Dude got sober but while in rehab learned he had esophageal cancer (from too much drinking and throwing up?). Died after successful treatment at 105 days sober. That's it - 105 fricking days sober and he died. But thank God he was sober and was able to make some amends to his loved ones.
Bret Cansler
Episode 93. Season 7, Episode 7
Alcoholic
Spoiler alert... Dude got sober but while in rehab learned he had esophageal cancer (from too much drinking and throwing up?). Died after successful treatment at 105 days sober. That's it - 105 fricking days sober and he died. But thank God he was sober and was able to make some amends to his loved ones.
Posted on 7/12/16 at 12:37 pm to BRgetthenet
Is your post supposed to be funny, BR? Because it's not.
Posted on 7/12/16 at 12:41 pm to Evil Little Thing
A lot of women in this thread with ex husband's that they claim are alcoholics! Did you women ever thing it was probably your nagging and lack of sex and blowjobs the reason your ex husband started drinking! Geez a bunch of self righteous aholes in here.
Posted on 7/12/16 at 12:44 pm to ThatsAFactJack
Good point.
They probably hadn't thought of it that way.
Good job Jack. You frickin retard. lol gfy
They probably hadn't thought of it that way.
Good job Jack. You frickin retard. lol gfy
Posted on 7/12/16 at 12:47 pm to ThatsAFactJack
Damn. I wish I'd gotten that advice while I was still married.
Posted on 7/12/16 at 12:49 pm to ThatsAFactJack
Wow. The juveniles really come out in every thread on the OT. Pitiful. There's nothing funny about losing a loved one to alcoholism. I miss my cousin every day and there was nothing I could do to help him. Broke my heart the day I finally realized that and had to walk away. Broke it more when his son found him dead in the bed with an empty bottle. He has to live with that every day.
Posted on 7/12/16 at 12:49 pm to Evil Little Thing
That idiot retard, with all his solid advice, could have saved your marriage.
You'll spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been.
Unreal
You'll spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been.
Unreal
Posted on 7/12/16 at 12:51 pm to Gris Gris
Alright, I'm sorry.
I was trying to lighten the mood. I'll edit and stay on topic.
I was trying to lighten the mood. I'll edit and stay on topic.
Posted on 7/12/16 at 12:51 pm to BRgetthenet
Hey baw! Nitro!!!!
Posted on 7/12/16 at 12:53 pm to threeputt
Hey nerd.
No, I will not make out with you.
Go fall down some stairs.
No, I will not make out with you.
Go fall down some stairs.
Posted on 7/12/16 at 12:55 pm to BRgetthenet
You're derailing this thread 
Posted on 7/12/16 at 12:55 pm to gingerkittie
The love of my life was an alcoholic. He was highly functioning and such an amazingly loving man. It was post Katrina and we were living in new orleans because he was a first responder.
He didnt want to be an alcoholic, he hated it. But it helped to quiet the demons of the shite he went thru in the superdome in Katrina and the months of body recoveries afterwards. He just saw too much and it broke his heart.
I remember being under martial law with the curfews and military hummers patrolling and there we were out after curfew going to a store he knew was always open.
We bought vodka and tampons. He figured the tampons would be an acceptable reason to be out so late at night in case we were stopped. This was hilarious to me because I had a hysterectomy years ago and have no use for such items.
He didnt want to be an alcoholic, he hated it. But it helped to quiet the demons of the shite he went thru in the superdome in Katrina and the months of body recoveries afterwards. He just saw too much and it broke his heart.
I remember being under martial law with the curfews and military hummers patrolling and there we were out after curfew going to a store he knew was always open.
We bought vodka and tampons. He figured the tampons would be an acceptable reason to be out so late at night in case we were stopped. This was hilarious to me because I had a hysterectomy years ago and have no use for such items.
Posted on 7/12/16 at 12:56 pm to Gris Gris
LIghten up Francis.
My wife is a recovering addict (alcohol/opiates). She was 4 yrs sober last month. She spent 60 days at an intensive Inpatient rehab in 2012. she lost her license to work and had to work a minimum wage job for almost 2 yrs before getting her license back.
I know full well the struggles of living with an addict. I was basically a single parent to 3 kids for almost 5 yrs from the start of the problems till the recovery.
Our youngest child was 18 months when she left for rehab. 60 days is forever for a child that young. She barely recognized her on mom we she finally came home from rehab. My heart has been broken many times dealing with addiction.
My wife is a recovering addict (alcohol/opiates). She was 4 yrs sober last month. She spent 60 days at an intensive Inpatient rehab in 2012. she lost her license to work and had to work a minimum wage job for almost 2 yrs before getting her license back.
I know full well the struggles of living with an addict. I was basically a single parent to 3 kids for almost 5 yrs from the start of the problems till the recovery.
Our youngest child was 18 months when she left for rehab. 60 days is forever for a child that young. She barely recognized her on mom we she finally came home from rehab. My heart has been broken many times dealing with addiction.
This post was edited on 7/12/16 at 1:00 pm
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