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re: A stepdad with your child

Posted on 5/19/19 at 1:26 pm to
Posted by chalmetteowl
Chalmette
Member since Jan 2008
53784 posts
Posted on 5/19/19 at 1:26 pm to
That's why you want to stay with your kid's mother...
Posted by GeauxOCDP
Member since Jul 2015
1052 posts
Posted on 5/19/19 at 1:36 pm to
I have some current experience with this situation, so I'll give my 2 cents. I think it is absolutely awesome to have a really good dude in my son's life. I am more involved in his life than the "step dad", so he's not picking up "slack", he is however showing my son a great example and my son loves him. He calls him by his first name, and I will always be dad. You would have to be a miserable person to be upset about a good man being in your child's life, especially considering there is NOTHING there for me, with his mother. It was a mutual split for the best. Hell, I see him as a friend, we have a shite ton in common. I think it's the best possible outcome for all honestly.
Posted by shel311
McKinney, Texas
Member since Aug 2004
112626 posts
Posted on 5/19/19 at 2:28 pm to
quote:

Does it (or would it) bother you to see a stepdad (or perhaps your ex's new BF) being active and affectionate with your child in the ways a typical father would be? If you saw pictures on social media of your young son hoisted on the shoulders of another man or on a fishing trip, etc., how would you feel about it?
I'm sure it would be awkward, but the guy will spend just as much time with your kid as you, after a few years, what do you expect him to do, pay the child no mind?
Posted by mikelbr
Baton Rouge
Member since Apr 2008
49000 posts
Posted on 5/19/19 at 2:31 pm to
quote:

the Village

In Baton Rouge? You fancy frick.
Posted by Bard
Definitely NOT an admin
Member since Oct 2008
57975 posts
Posted on 5/19/19 at 2:44 pm to
quote:

I don't have children, but I tend to think it would bother me.


Of course it's going to bother you but that's ego talking and you have to let that go (or suck it up) if the other guy is a good role model. The other guy is in the child's life and you have no control over it so you can either let your jealousy eat you up or you can focus on being thankful that your ex isn't exposing your child to some abusive douchebag.

Now if the guy starts trying to raise the kid contrary to your beliefs, that's a problem.

At the end of the day it isn't about what's best for you, it's about what's best for the child.
Posted by vodkacop
Louisiana
Member since Nov 2008
8031 posts
Posted on 5/19/19 at 3:35 pm to
Would be weird since my boys are 24 and 21. Plus they already know how to ride a bike
Posted by LSU alum wannabe
Katy, TX
Member since Jan 2004
27590 posts
Posted on 5/19/19 at 3:41 pm to
quote:

in the ways a typical father would be?


quote:

I don't have children, but I tend to think it would bother me. I


Most important points.

I would want my son to be loved. Everything else is on me. I'd damned sure make him a priority or he WOULD gravitate toward that guy.

Keep the kid as a top priority and not chasing new poon, and things will take care of themselves. If you become barfly dad who only drinks and bangs whores you will push the kid away.
Posted by Bullfrog
Running Through the Wet Grass
Member since Jul 2010
60406 posts
Posted on 5/19/19 at 3:44 pm to
quote:

In Baton Rouge? You fancy frick.
Hell yeah. Where the Academy is now, across from Cortana.

Even did some fancy New Year’s Eve bashes there.

But it was back in the day. Met Richard Pryor there and got an autograph. No idea where it is.
Posted by fallguy_1978
Best States #50
Member since Feb 2018
53112 posts
Posted on 5/19/19 at 3:54 pm to
quote:

Would be weird since my boys are 24 and 21. Plus they already know how to ride a bike

My mom got remarried when I was 22 or so. I like him but he's definitely not my step-dad.
Posted by Grievous Angel
Tuscaloosa, AL
Member since Dec 2008
10720 posts
Posted on 5/19/19 at 5:16 pm to
quote:

That's why you want to stay with your kid's mother...


That's it for me at the end of the day.

Did you dump your wife and kid? If so, be thankful someone else is there.

I've been a step parent and a bio parent. Being a step parent is no walk in the park.

And I have thought through some of the scenarios that it would take for me to risk leaving a very young boy or girl to be raised by some unknown dude who could turn out to have bad intentions.

It'd have to be a very, very bad situation before I'd put my offspring at that risk, and if it were that bad, I'd be fighting for full custody.


This post was edited on 5/19/19 at 5:17 pm
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