2018 List of Items Lodged in Orafices - Match the OTer

quote:

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All reports are taken from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s database of emergency room visits, all descriptions are verbatim, and none of those things belong in there.
objects are sorted by orifice, working south:

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Ear
NECKLACE
“PLACED CRAYON IN EAR ON A DARE”
“WAS BORED AT SCHOOL, PUT PART OF A PEN IN EAR”
DRAIN PLUG
MATCH
END OF A COMB
“ALWAYS PUTS TOILET PAPER IN EAR WHEN SHOWERING. CAN’T REMOVE”
FLOAM
TAPIOCA BALL
TOY MOUSE
“POPCORN KERNELS IN BOTH EARS, ‘FEEDS HER EARS BECAUSE HER EARS ARE HUNGRY’”
LEAF
TAMPON
GOOGLY EYE
GLOW STICK
“PIECE OF GELATINOUS TOY THAT EXPANDS WITH WATER”
PEARL
PEARLS
CAR KEY
BUG
“PUT BLEACH ON A Q-TIP TO CLEAN EAR. CHEMICAL BURN”
“WAS CLEANING EAR WITH Q-TIP, ACCIDENTALLY WALKED INTO WALL, PUSHED Q-TIP INTO EAR”

Nose
RUBBER BAND
BUTTERFLY
PAINT
PINK VITAMIN
COTTON BALL
TREE NUT
“SNEEZED AND A COMPUTER KEYBOARD KEY CAME OUT RT. NOSTRIL, SNEEZED AGAIN & ANOTHER ONE ALMOST CAME OUT”
GUM
GUM WRAPPER
GUM IN WRAPPER
SEX TOY
POOL NOODLE
PIECE OF STEAK

Throat
BANANA
PLASTIC TOY BANANA
“HAD WIFE’S EARRING IN HIS MOUTH AND ACCIDENTALLY SWALLOWED IT”
CHRISTMAS TREE BRANCH
TOY HORN
SALT FROM SALT LAMP
MULCH
“DRINKING COFFEE OUT OF CHIP DIP CONTAINER THAT HAD SOME PLASTIC SEAL IN PLACE & FELT PIECE BREAK OFF WHILE DRINKING. STILL IN THROAT”
THROAT LOZENGE STILL IN BLISTER PACK
SMALL TRANSISTOR RADIO
MOOD RING
STEEL WOOL
“SWALLOWED A QUARTER WHILE EATING PEANUTS”

Penis
PIPE CLEANER
STRAW
DOMINO
THIN ELECTRIFIED ROD
“PIECE OF HARD WHITE PLASTIC THAT HE BROKE OFF WHILE WORKING W/ CRAFTS”
BACK OF REMOTE CONTROL
METAL PAPER CLIP
FINGERNAIL CLIPPINGS
TOILET PAPER
PEN CAP
6 TO 7 BB PELLETS
“PUT SOAP ON ELECTRICAL WIRE, INSERTED WIRE IN PENIS”
CRACK VIAL
CRAFTING STRING
“FORK, PEN, AND JELLY WRAPPER”
CHAIN
PIECES OF PLASTIC HANGER
3M COMMAND STRIP PLASTIC HOOK

Vagina
SMALL CHILD’S TOY
BATON
COLORED PENCIL
“INSERTED A CRAYON IN VAGINA, CAN’T REMEMBER IF IT CAME OUT”
MULTIPLE COTTON BALLS
CAP OF DEODORANT SPRAY
DOMINO
PIECES OF A PEN
GLASS PAPERWEIGHT
“HAD AN EGG VIBRATOR COME APART IN VAGINA LEAVING PART OF IT AND5 BATTERIES IN THE VAGINAL CANAL”
ARTIFICIAL FINGERNAIL
MAKEUP BRUSH
TOY PLASTIC BANANA
PENIS RING
“SLIPPED & FELL ON WET FLOOR AT HOME & ALSO HAS HAD SEX TOY STUCK IN VAGINA FOR 8 MONTHS”

Rectum
CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT BALL
BILLIARD BALL
NAIL FILE
SHOT GLASS
“CRACK COCAINE WITH SEX OBJECTS”
SD CARD
“JUMPED ON BED - TOOTHBRUSH WAS ON BED AND WENT UP PATIENT’S RECTUM”
“SAT DOWN ON THE SOFA AND ACCIDENTALLY SAT ON A BALL POINT PEN, PEN LODGES IN RECTUM”
PLASTIC PENCIL CASE
MARKER
GREEN CRAYON
IPAD STYLUS
LUBE BOTTLE WITH CAP ON
LEG OF TELESCOPE
PLASTIC CIGAR HOLDER
“PUSHED DRUGS UP RECTUM USING A LIGHTER, WAS ABLE TO RETRIEVE THE DRUGS BAG YET BELIEVE LIGHTER GOT STUCK”
PLASTIC PILL BOTTLE
TRAVEL SIZED MOUTHWASH BOTTLE
SMALL SHAMPOO BOTTLE
FULL SIZED SHAMPOO BOTTLE
FULL SIZED AEROSOL CAN
GOLF BALL
TWO GOLF BALLS IN BAG
“TOOK A SODA BOTTLE WITH FIREBALL WHISKEY VIA HIS RECTUM, STUCK BOTTLE IN RECTUM AND SQUEEZED”
PLASTIC PILL BOTTLE
7 OZ BEER BOTTLE
BAR OF SOAP
CANDLE IN CONDOM
“SQUIRTED MIXTURE OF BLEACH AND WATER INTO RECTUM WANTING TO PREVENT AIDS”
LIGHT BULB
HANDLE OF BROOM
CELL PHONE
KEY CHAIN WITH FLASHLIGHT & BATTERY
“HAS VIBRATOR IN RECTUM AND TRIED TO REMOVE IT WITH SCREWDRIVER AND LACERATED RECTUM; OBJECT IN COLON NOW”
SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF STRING