re: The 2018 Masters Tournament - Patrick Reed Wins First Major

Fatrick will find a half eaten Pimento cheese sandwich at the turn tomorrow and in turn, he will devour it in one bite and that will start his downfall. He will be hit with a slow play penalty for going to the snack shop and buying it out of pimento cheese sandwiches. After eating 4 boxes of those in less than 6 minutes. He will be strickened with a case of the shits and be hit with another slow play penalty. In a fit of rage he starts eating the azaleas on the course and starts to feel woozy. He collapses on the 11th hole and gravity takes over and he slowly rolls into the creek. He drowns. Thus becoming the greatest final round in Masters history. Rory wins.