SEC Riviera Roundup
Recapping the Best Performance of the Year
LSU Versus West Virginia
By Chris Warner

ATTENTION: This column contains psychological nudity. For the cognitively challenged, it may be perceived as lettered pornography. Further, before reading, you may want to consult your counselor, your rabbi or local priest, as it is not intended for the unintended, or the faint of heart.

It may be a felony to burn pesky crab lice out of lint-filled couches in Morgantown, West Virginia, but LSU’s drubbing of the overmatched Mountaineers on Saturday instead likely spurred an obtuse overconsumption of moonshine postgame, giving the anti-couch blazing cops a much-needed rest. In the end, LSU was too much might for the upstart, spunky Mountaineers and their pass-happy, mullet-farming head coach, Dana Holgersen.

In this column, we’ll recap Les Miles’ man child Tigers’ third big road win in four difficult early season outings, consider their obvious offensive progress under senior quarterback Jarrett Lee, and find a silver lining amidst a cloud of passing doubt with respect to the Tigers’ defense. Further, as usual, we’ll take our regular armchair quarterback tour across what is unequivocally the nation’s toughest football conference, the SEC.

Rewind: The Mountaineer Mambo

Many Tiger fans would have probably preferred the Tigers to save the drama for their mama, but when a team more than doubles the point production output of its opponent, and beats them by 26 on their home field, regardless of yard production—it’s still a beat-down—and one deserving of just compliments. ESPN did not disappoint in its post-game gushing on these Tigers.

I had predicted a final score of 35-14. Had Reuben Randle not dropped a sure-fire touchdown on the opening drive of the third quarter, the Tigers would have probably broken the 50-point threshold. Holding the one-sided Mountaineers to just 21 points was impressive, as their scheme is designed to dink and dunk a defense into giving up big plays in the passing game. LSU mainly held the Mountaineers in check, preventing any big plays for scores, making them essentially work for their quarry.

Speaking of game-hunting, did anyone else find the Mountaineer mascot an anachronism? The guy looked like an overweight, drunk Davy Crockett who regular misfires his equally antiquated rifle. Unbelievably, the West Virginia brass featured him in their academic commercial during break. Against the Tigers he wasn’t able to shoot as much as he and his many shine jug-toting fans wanted, and that made all the difference. On a final point, that Mountaineer may often fire his rifle, but I doubt if his “gun” gets much work, as he could badly use the high and tight cut and shave services of an old school barber.

And on a final Mountaineer note, prior to invoking the prudent Les Miles mandated “24-hour rule” did everyone notice West Virginia head coach Dana Holgorsen acting like a classless jerk on the sideline? Not only did he visibly use multiple expletives when lashing out at the officials, he set a new low for division one head coaches when he repeatedly challenged the legitimacy of LSU players’ on-the- field injuries, insinuating that the Tiger defenders had been instructed to feign injury in order to slow down the Mountaineers’ up-tempo offense.

This type of behavior is apparently routine for Holgorsen, who was thrown out of a West Virginia casino in May this year for what was labeled, “inappropriate behavior.” After the imbroglio, Holgorsen gave the following apologetic comment to the media, “I learned a valuable lesson from this…As a football coach I am always in the public eye and I have to hold myself to a higher standard. I will not put myself in this situation again.”

Well coach, you did again on Saturday night. And I must give kudos to the ESPN camera crew, as they were surely tipped off regarding Holgorsen’s regular petulant sideline demeanor, as they seemingly had a cameraman pointing on him after every other play, showing the world how immature and what a complete poor sport he really is. Too bad there wasn’t a hovering pit boss nearby, for his apparent sake.

The Maturation of Les Miles

Every great coach can impart his indomitable, winning personality on his players. Steve Spurrier’s championship teams at Florida during the 1990’s always possessed a swagger than mirrored the Evil Genius’ Darth Visor-wearing, victorious persona. Vincent Lombardi of Green Bay Packer fame is another similar, great coach that comes to mind in his ability to deftly cultivate winners. Legends are created, not born, and Les Miles, before our Tigers' eyes, has become a master craftsman, capable of affecting near-perfect art in an infinitely imperfect universe, every time his psychologically-molded team takes the football field.

Perhaps the perfect example of Les Miles’ coaching ability is personified by his defense’s biggest star, Tyrann Mathieu. Mathieu isn’t big by SEC football standards. In fact, among his conference and national counterparts, at least on paper, he is small (5-9, 185). But on the field, the former under-heralded three-star player plays larger than his stature, and what he lacks in height, weight and reach, he makes up for in heart, want and intensity. Furthermore, he is extremely coachable and a consummate team player.

In a post-game interview after the West Virgnia game, ESPN’s Chris Fowler had a candid interview with Mathieu, who had two key takeaways in the contest. Mathieu refreshingly came across as intelligent, self-deprecating and humble, giving credit in more than one answer to his fellow teammates and coaches. This kid is a coaches’ dream, and by this stage in the season--one third through, should be firmly on the Heisman race radar.

LSU’s success this season can be contributed to three main things, among obviously other contributing factors: 1) The maturation of Les Miles as a consummate football coach; 2) The coming out party of Tyrann Mathieu as the nation’s best defensive player; and 3) the arrival of Jarrett Lee as one of the premier game managers among college quarterbacks. If we had to throw in four and five, it would be the outstanding play of the incredibly deep offensive and defensive lines. They have also been good money for these Tigers.

Jarrett Lee may have been a pick-six meister during his dismal freshman year, but he is a much-improved player and most-important leader for this Tiger football team. Lee still has the live arm and quick release that made him an obvious division one recruit coming out of the Texas high school football scene. But it’s his steely persona, like that of his stoic football coach, that has made all the difference in what is turning out to be his magical senior season.

Around the Nation’s Toughest League

Alabama – The Crimson Tide bludgeoned the Arkansas Razorbacks. Nick Saban’s impressive squad now must hit the rough roads of the SEC. They face an improved Florida Gator squad under the tutelage of his former understudy, Coach Will Muschamp. This one should be a dandy. Send the kids to the pool, the wife to the mall with the credit card and kennel the pets. This is a highlight reel in the making, and will of course be of great interest to Tiger fans everywhere, as the Tigers still have to play both teams.

Florida – The Gators’ offense has impressed in the early going. Offensive Coordinator and former Notre Dame head coach Charlie Weiss has brought immediate respect to this unit that struggled a year ago. Florida quarterback John Brantley was sporadic a year ago, but Weiss apparently has had a noticeable impact on the senior quarterback.

Furthermore, the one-two lightning-fast running back punch of Rainey and Demps has also