The guardian’s article on femcels

Going to try to edit this down to the interesting parts but like all stories told women it’s has about 3000 too many words

This is really just a slow flow pro bat signal

TL;DR the journalist says femcel don’t blame the opposite sex like incels do. Then quotes a bunch of women blaming men

LINK

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But it is not just incel men who struggle to find sexual connections in the modern world. Some young women are turning to online “femcel” spaces to discuss the challenges they face as involuntary celibates.

Theirs is a non-violent resistance. Rather than blaming the opposite sex for their unhappiness, as some of their male counterparts do, femcels tend to believe their own “ugliness” is the root cause of their loneliness. Posting anonymously on platforms they have designed for themselves, they argue that they are invisible due to their abnormal appearance, and that our beauty-centric, misogynistic culture prevents them from being accepted. There is anger and open grappling with self-esteem, but no extreme hatred and no sense of entitlement within the community.

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Caitlin, 39, doesn’t call herself a femcel, but she hasn’t had sex for almost eight years and doesn’t think she will find another sexual partner. “I’m not conventionally attractive and I never get approached by men,” she says. “They don’t look at me. I’ve had therapy to try to address these issues, but dating feels like a barren wasteland. It’s worse as I get older, because I’ve missed that short window to marry and have a family.”

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Caitlin is aware that men also struggle with self-esteem issues linked to appearance, but believes the pressure is greater for women. “I’m not especially drawn to someone’s looks or height. I prefer to get to know someone and develop an attraction. But I feel that a man who didn’t find me attractive straight away would never learn to become attracted to me. I see lots of beautiful women dating men who aren’t good-looking, but rarely the other way around. Men have more ways to attract a partner than looks.” Appearance-based discrimination, termed “lookism” by femcel communities, is not the only reason that some women struggle to find a sexual partner. The risk of male violence has always been a concern, but the semi-anonymous nature of app-based dating has increased these fears for many women.

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Clearly this women lives where there are no black or white trash. Jacked dudes and obese women are very common

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Jane says apps make it hard to find the type of connection she is looking for. While this is also true for men, she believes they tend to be more comfortable with the “fast-food”, casual-sex nature of online dating. Dishonesty is a common theme; she says it is impossible to build trust with a man who lies online. “Pictures will be 10 years old, or not an accurate representation of the person,” she says. “I look for men who take care of themselves physically, who are emotionally available, open and honest. You can’t see that on a profile.”

Since giving up on apps, Jane has stayed active through a walking group and has tried many other activities in the past few years. “I meet a lot of great women, but I never meet single men at classes or events. It’s hard to meet men who share your interests.”

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According to Silva Neves, a sex and relationship psychotherapist with the UK Council of Psychotherapy, it is not uncommon for women to struggle to find a partner they find physically attractive, especially as they get older. “Society places a higher importance on women’s beauty,” he says. “We absorb and internalise this misogyny on every level and even women are more likely to criticise another woman’s body than a man’s. You often see women putting more effort into their appearance as they age because they have been taught it’s important in a way that men haven’t. But a lot of women complain that they struggle to be attracted to men, because they have let themselves go.”

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Femcels and women who struggle to find relationships are sometimes accused of misandry, especially by male incels. Yvonne counters that any resentment women feel is more likely to be turned inwards. “The biggest difference between men and women seems to be that men feel entitled to sex and relationships, so it’s the fault of women when they can’t get it,” says Yvonne. “Women seem to internalise the issues and be more likely to blame themselves

Neves argues that while misogyny and misandry are both unacceptable, they have very different roots. “Misogyny is an ideology which dictates that women should be seen as objects, without the same rights as men. Misandry is mostly a reaction to misogyny and informed by evidence. We shouldn’t put all men in the same bag, but at the same time it’s hard to criticise women who have had negative experiences.”

Like Yvonne, he believes that women are more likely to devalue themselves, rather than others. It is one of the reasons he would like to move away from the term “femcel”: “When women label themselves as defective, it becomes part of who they are and how men define them, rather than something that can be overcome.” Although he doesn’t underestimate the trauma that some women experience due to bullying or poor self-esteem, he is hopeful that there will be healthier ways for women to fight back in future

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