re: Terminal Disease and Fighting Hard question

I'm not dying from my stroke even though at times I wish I had. Lying in that hospital bed and in rehab I was telling myself and everyone that would listen I was gonna make the quickest most remarkable recovery in the history of strokes

and then I got out of rehab and couldn't find therapy to save my life and that may be literal and I got depressed so insanely depressed. And I still had to get up every day and do what I could in a lot of days that was nothing more than wiping my own arse and fixing my own dinner but I did that and then with time I got a little better and could do a little more finally in January I was able to start therapy and make real progress .
But if I were to be honest I don't do it out of hope a lot of my fight if you wanna call it that is just out of anger I just refuse to lose I'm not enjoying my life these days I still feel depressed with where I am compared to where I want to be and especially compared to where I was
but the stroke isn't going to win


I imagine a lot of people facing death experience something similar. those that just keep trying even if you know you aren't going to win.
that's their attitude they know the end is gonna come they're not unrealistic they're not crazy but they just have something in them.
stubbornness, anger maybe irrational hope or delusion

for me,the stroke hasn't even been the real challenge,its finding therapy in the pandemic crazed world. All I want is to get better and its not happening cause of all the rues
so you get mad and fight. I guess other experience the same

hell what do I know I have brain damage