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Message
My son “released” a song from the basement-looking for feedback
Posted on 7/18/19 at 9:19 pm
Posted on 7/18/19 at 9:19 pm
He’s 17 so not a mooch. He composed, played keyboard, and vocals. I also think he uses garage band software.
LINK
[Update9.18.19] So, I showed him all of your comments and he continues to learn the music software. I think you can see in this new song that he wrote and composed that the percussion sounds are much better. Board thoughts?
Thanks
LINK
Update: He released his first EP with 7 songs. He said he reads all of the advice here to try to get better. I think he’s definitely improving. Here is the first song of the EP:
LINK
LINK
[Update9.18.19] So, I showed him all of your comments and he continues to learn the music software. I think you can see in this new song that he wrote and composed that the percussion sounds are much better. Board thoughts?
Thanks
LINK
Update: He released his first EP with 7 songs. He said he reads all of the advice here to try to get better. I think he’s definitely improving. Here is the first song of the EP:
LINK
This post was edited on 1/29/20 at 7:44 am
Posted on 7/18/19 at 9:36 pm to LSUMANINVA
Honestly, it wasn't bad.
If I had to criticize, he uses a lot of the same instrumentation, vocal tone, rhythm and lyrics. The biggest thing I didn't like is it wound up with the whole song sounding very similar. It would have grabbed me more if there had been more evolution or unpredictability. I kept waiting for it to break into more.
But he's 17. The melody was solid, and he has a unique sounding voice that can be interesting as he refines it. Heck, it's better than I could do, and I didn't dislike it. I just kept waiting for it to take off.
Overall, respect to you and your son for putting it out there. I hope he goes for it of he wants to explore music, because he has some ability to work with.
Edit: I'm also not a musician, just like music.
If I had to criticize, he uses a lot of the same instrumentation, vocal tone, rhythm and lyrics. The biggest thing I didn't like is it wound up with the whole song sounding very similar. It would have grabbed me more if there had been more evolution or unpredictability. I kept waiting for it to break into more.
But he's 17. The melody was solid, and he has a unique sounding voice that can be interesting as he refines it. Heck, it's better than I could do, and I didn't dislike it. I just kept waiting for it to take off.
Overall, respect to you and your son for putting it out there. I hope he goes for it of he wants to explore music, because he has some ability to work with.
Edit: I'm also not a musician, just like music.
This post was edited on 7/18/19 at 9:38 pm
Posted on 7/18/19 at 9:49 pm to Rep520
Thanks for the feedback. I’m not a musician either but love all kinds of music. It’s pretty interesting; that was the exact feedback that I gave him after I listened the first time. I said “Joey, let’s hear those vocals breakout at some point”. But then I listened again and woke up humming it the next day, and backtracked on my original thought. So, I told him his next song should breakout his voice.
Posted on 7/18/19 at 10:38 pm to LSUMANINVA
I think it works better if a bit of variety kicks in with at least one element. If he maintains the vocals, maybe he uses an instrumental bridge to change the rhythm, or bring in a new instrument.
That said, I could easily see this as a song on an album. When it's the only one I hear, I'm probably pickier about having something to add that extra element.
That said, I could easily see this as a song on an album. When it's the only one I hear, I'm probably pickier about having something to add that extra element.
Posted on 7/19/19 at 9:29 am to LSUMANINVA
I agree with most of the comments posted - really good place to build from for him.
As a drummer, the drum track was somewhat off for my taste. I would keep the same vibe but but would re-work it a little - I felt like it was lacking something and almost felt off-tempo a couple times.
All that said, kudos to your kid!
As a drummer, the drum track was somewhat off for my taste. I would keep the same vibe but but would re-work it a little - I felt like it was lacking something and almost felt off-tempo a couple times.
All that said, kudos to your kid!
Posted on 7/19/19 at 9:33 am to LSUMANINVA
He's got a Leon Bridges voice and vibe.
It's a good song for sure. Only thing I'd change is maybe mixing up the piano more in the song. What I mean by that is, start off soft like he did, then play with some force (forte!) during other parts, like during the chorus or when the drums kick in. I think it'd make the song pop a little more. The same could be said with the vocals like somebody else already mentioned. I can already here a louder and more passionate "just two friends" part.
I'm sure you are proud of your son. I know I would be.
It's a good song for sure. Only thing I'd change is maybe mixing up the piano more in the song. What I mean by that is, start off soft like he did, then play with some force (forte!) during other parts, like during the chorus or when the drums kick in. I think it'd make the song pop a little more. The same could be said with the vocals like somebody else already mentioned. I can already here a louder and more passionate "just two friends" part.
I'm sure you are proud of your son. I know I would be.
This post was edited on 7/19/19 at 9:36 am
Posted on 7/19/19 at 9:39 am to BigOrangeVols
Yep, he shows real promise. I like his voice and am glad he's singing--not all kids have the guts or confidence. My own son is a very accomplished musician/writer but it took him some psychological wrangling before he sang his own songs. "Dad, I finally realized no one else is gonna sing them so..."
I can't say anything more than others have said but hope your son keeps at it.
I posted my son's songs here about 6 years ago when he was 15 or 16 y/o and got similar feedback. As parents of talented kids we all think most of what they do is great but I really enjoyed the feedback of others.
I can't say anything more than others have said but hope your son keeps at it.
I posted my son's songs here about 6 years ago when he was 15 or 16 y/o and got similar feedback. As parents of talented kids we all think most of what they do is great but I really enjoyed the feedback of others.
Posted on 7/19/19 at 12:26 pm to LSUMANINVA
Why does he play keyboard if he’s a boy?
Posted on 7/19/19 at 12:37 pm to el Gaucho
quote:
Why does he play keyboard if he’s a boy?
Why do you try to be funny when you are not a comedian?
Posted on 7/19/19 at 9:16 pm to el Gaucho
quote:
Why does he play keyboard if he’s a boy?
Usually when people start off by playing the piano/keyboard other instruments come easy to them
Dumb fricking comment by the way. The kid is putting himself out there.
I use to record on a 4 track in my late teens that I got from my dad and later in life recorded three albums playing at all the major venues in New Orleans. I very rarely play anymore, but those were some fun times. There’s nothing like playing in front of a room full of people.
Your boy has talent and I liked the song a lot. I too was waiting for something bigger to happen, but soon after just appreciated it for what it is. Some things are better left simple. The timing is off in a couple of places, but he recovered well. He will only get better with time and practice.
Posted on 7/20/19 at 1:27 pm to LSUMANINVA
Its a great personal sounding song. Awesome he wrote, performed and sang it. I hope he keeps going and being creative.
Criticism, the song does need a change of pace/intensity within the chorus and it would benefit from an "uplifting" middle 8 - just my opinion of course. I'd love to hear some strings integrated into the chorus to make is soar a bit and carry through the middle 8 and outro or ending.
High five to your talented son - keep encouraging him. He has a unique voice he lends to his music.
Criticism, the song does need a change of pace/intensity within the chorus and it would benefit from an "uplifting" middle 8 - just my opinion of course. I'd love to hear some strings integrated into the chorus to make is soar a bit and carry through the middle 8 and outro or ending.
High five to your talented son - keep encouraging him. He has a unique voice he lends to his music.
Posted on 7/21/19 at 1:09 am to LSUMANINVA
I'm not a big music person so take below with a grain of salt, but some things stood out, both positive and negative.
It needs a stronger, better intro. Comes in too weak.
I like the Remember dreaming about New York line. Somehow it brought me in. Maybe because most people have dreamt about living in or visiting New York city.
You have a promising voice.
Overall the music needs a bigger sound. I wouldn't mind hearing some bass sounds. Maybe lower notes on piano with sustain. Like a warm hum sound.
This Marty Stuart song is fantastic:
Marty Stuart - Walls Of A Prison
The amount of sound they get out of their four member band is amazing. You feel the music around you. It fills the room. I think this sound is what you should go after here. These are top tier musicians, so if you get close to this you are doing very well.
It think the song could have and maybe should have ended at 2:49. Lyrics sounded complete at that point and then you threw in the 8th grade line. Didn't need it. Either get rid of it or replace it with something that expands on the going "our separate ways" line.
I would go with a different drum sound. I feel my ears flinching. Sounds too sharp and snappy. Go with something softer and warmer. And I really don't like the tapping on the high hat or the metronome sound.
All in all, it ain't bad. Pretty decent really. If I heard it come on the radio, I would have given it a chance for sure, assuming I missed the intro. But I feel I would have changed the station after the 2:49 mark.
It's good to put your work out there for others to hear. "The risk of insult is the price of clarity."
It needs a stronger, better intro. Comes in too weak.
I like the Remember dreaming about New York line. Somehow it brought me in. Maybe because most people have dreamt about living in or visiting New York city.
You have a promising voice.
Overall the music needs a bigger sound. I wouldn't mind hearing some bass sounds. Maybe lower notes on piano with sustain. Like a warm hum sound.
This Marty Stuart song is fantastic:
Marty Stuart - Walls Of A Prison
The amount of sound they get out of their four member band is amazing. You feel the music around you. It fills the room. I think this sound is what you should go after here. These are top tier musicians, so if you get close to this you are doing very well.
It think the song could have and maybe should have ended at 2:49. Lyrics sounded complete at that point and then you threw in the 8th grade line. Didn't need it. Either get rid of it or replace it with something that expands on the going "our separate ways" line.
I would go with a different drum sound. I feel my ears flinching. Sounds too sharp and snappy. Go with something softer and warmer. And I really don't like the tapping on the high hat or the metronome sound.
All in all, it ain't bad. Pretty decent really. If I heard it come on the radio, I would have given it a chance for sure, assuming I missed the intro. But I feel I would have changed the station after the 2:49 mark.
It's good to put your work out there for others to hear. "The risk of insult is the price of clarity."
Posted on 7/21/19 at 10:01 am to Langland
‘‘Twas fine enough. I agree with the idea of shaving the last 40 seconds off and adding some twist.
If going to continue I’d almost suggest switching the lyrical structure and transition the content to spinning the story forward. The past being steady, predictable and comforting and future forcing to break out of the shell. Then drop into a chorus and end.
The drum tracks were clearly not his goal but a product of what’s easily available I assume. Which I 100% get.
And the passing parchment line seemed pretty forced for such a steady simple verse. Don’t care what anyone says, middle schoolers aren’t passing parchment. I know, ironic saying simplify there when everything else is pushing to add
Otherwise, easy enough to see why someone would hum along and would do great at a HS talent show
If going to continue I’d almost suggest switching the lyrical structure and transition the content to spinning the story forward. The past being steady, predictable and comforting and future forcing to break out of the shell. Then drop into a chorus and end.
The drum tracks were clearly not his goal but a product of what’s easily available I assume. Which I 100% get.
And the passing parchment line seemed pretty forced for such a steady simple verse. Don’t care what anyone says, middle schoolers aren’t passing parchment. I know, ironic saying simplify there when everything else is pushing to add
Otherwise, easy enough to see why someone would hum along and would do great at a HS talent show
Posted on 7/21/19 at 2:35 pm to LSUMANINVA
Don’t skip college. It’s was just ok for me . Admire the effort
Posted on 9/18/19 at 7:40 am to Langland
Langland, I think he really took some of your advice to heart.
Posted on 9/18/19 at 8:08 am to LSUMANINVA
Didn't expect @ around 1:00. Definitely like this one better than first instrumentally. The drum kit (especially the added bass drum kicks) gives it a lot more depth than just the high-hat and snare from the first.
Kids got talent for sure.
Also and more importantly is Christine your daughter?
Kids got talent for sure.
Also and more importantly is Christine your daughter?
Posted on 9/18/19 at 8:13 am to LSUMANINVA
He's 17, and has time to ponder about life?
You are falling down on your job. He needs to be working in the fricking garden and being actually useful. He needs to really learn about some shite, instead of starting out, just learning to cry about it.
Never lived, and cries about how hard it is?
No wonder that music is so terrible these days.
Oh yeah, that's OK, your son is the artful type.
You are falling down on your job. He needs to be working in the fricking garden and being actually useful. He needs to really learn about some shite, instead of starting out, just learning to cry about it.
Never lived, and cries about how hard it is?
No wonder that music is so terrible these days.
Oh yeah, that's OK, your son is the artful type.
Posted on 9/18/19 at 8:13 am to InwardJim
quote:
Also and more importantly is Christine your daughter?
I spit out my coffee laughing.....daughter-in-law.....my oldest son’s wife.
Thanks for the feedback, as well as the feedback on the song.
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