Looking to become an inspirational speaker. Any advice?

I think you already failed baw

Sounds like you are looking for an inspirational speaker to inspire you to become an inspirational speaker?

How much trauma have you be subject to in your life?

If it's a good bit, you can sucker the Blue Cross and LSUs of the world to let you speak for a ridiculous fee for as long as you want.

Shouldn't you be the one telling us something?

Grow a set of teeth.

Learn to bullshite people without smiling

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I need someone to help convince me to follow my dreams

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I have an exciting system that can get you out there inspiring others in as little as 6 weeks.

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I need someone to help convince me to follow my dreams

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If you need help to follow your dreams, then you've already failed. Those that succeed in life and accomplish their dreams do so through self perseverance, consistency and determination and fighting for life.

You know, when you get old, in life, things get taken from you. I mean, that’s… that’s… that’s a part of life. But, you only learn that when you start losin’ stuff. You find out life’s this game of inches. Because in life – the margin for error is so small. I mean, one half a step too late or too early and you don’t quite make it. One half second too slow, too fast and you don’t quite catch it. The inches we need are everywhere around us. They’re in every break of life, every minute, every second.

In this life we fight for that inch. In this world we tear ourselves and everyone else around us to pieces for that inch. We claw with our fingernails for that inch. Because we know when we add up all those inches that’s gonna make the freaking difference between WINNING and LOSING, between LIVING and DYING!

I’ll tell you this, in life it’s the guy whose willing to die whose gonna win that inch. And I know, if I’m gonna have any life anymore it’s because I’m still willing to fight and die for that inch, because that’s what living is, the six inches in front of your face. Now I can’t make you do it. You’ve got to look at the guy next to you, look into his eyes. Now I think you going to see a guy who will go that inch with you. Your gonna see a guy who will sacrifice himself for this team, because he knows when it comes down to it your gonna do the same for him. That’s a team, gentlemen, and either, we heal, now, as a team, or we will die as individuals. That’s life guys, that’s all it is. Now, what are you gonna do?

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Do you accept handwritten, 3-party, out-of-state checks?

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Hmm... I'm not su---

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With puppies on them?

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OF COURSE!