re: I've just published my third mystery novel

Announcing: Executive Purchasing Program

My publicist has come up with a plan to boost sales of Beers Ahead and I think it’s pretty good. Here’s the outline:

1. Platinum OT High Roller Medallion Level—Purchase Beers Ahead for $1,000,000. You will receive an autographed copy hand-delivered by the author, along with a large tin of his world-famous homemade caramel popcorn and an assortment of his favorite craft beers. For two weeks, he will tuck you in and read chapters to you at bedtime. Includes nightly foot massage.

2. Gold Big Spender--$500,000 gets you a hand-delivered autographed copy, along with an evening of witty banter, a six-pack of Turbodog and 4 boxes of microwave popcorn. Breakfast the next morning will consist of bacon. Lots of it.

3. Silver Splurger--$100,000, signed copy sent for next day delivery and a follow-up phone call from the author inquiring about your family, health, job situation and other personal items. A box of Omaha steaks will arrive the following week.

4. Bronze Ordinary Guy or Gal Level—$16.95 from Barnes & Noble, no autograph; or $19.95 from the author, with autograph. But no beer, popcorn, bacon, foot massage, etc. Strictly for poors.