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re: Dealing with parents/in laws that try to supersede you with your kids
Posted on 4/1/18 at 1:01 pm to DavidTheGnome
Posted on 4/1/18 at 1:01 pm to DavidTheGnome
Wasn't there a thread a little while back about a grandparent wanting to feed his grandkids meat but the parents were vegan and forbid it.
This whole place said do it anyway. Funny to see this come full circle.
This whole place said do it anyway. Funny to see this come full circle.
Posted on 4/1/18 at 1:03 pm to DavidTheGnome
quote:No need to escalate but should have put the brakes on it long ago.
I’m about to escalate the conversation and tell them they’re undermining my parental authority and it has to stop.
Posted on 4/1/18 at 1:03 pm to Geauxtiga
I have. It gets better for a while then starts back up again.
Posted on 4/1/18 at 1:14 pm to DavidTheGnome
Nope, my kids do exactly as I say. They know who is the boss. They know they don’t live under the roof of their in laws or grandparents.
Posted on 4/1/18 at 1:16 pm to DavidTheGnome
I had both my FiL and MiL pull this with me a few years after my 2nd child was born.
After a while, and the same conversations you are having I finally told them.
“You had your time at being the parent. It’s our turn now. Back up and give us the support we need in raising your grandchildren.”
I thanked them for being a part of the kids lives and appreciated when they offered to help or advise. They were much quicker to jump up and help when called upon after that point, instead of interjecting as they saw fit.
My FiL shook my hand and told me he was proud I was man enough to tell him to back off and lead my family. Never had a problem with them since. My wife and I are the final say with anything involving our kids.
After a while, and the same conversations you are having I finally told them.
“You had your time at being the parent. It’s our turn now. Back up and give us the support we need in raising your grandchildren.”
I thanked them for being a part of the kids lives and appreciated when they offered to help or advise. They were much quicker to jump up and help when called upon after that point, instead of interjecting as they saw fit.
My FiL shook my hand and told me he was proud I was man enough to tell him to back off and lead my family. Never had a problem with them since. My wife and I are the final say with anything involving our kids.
Posted on 4/1/18 at 1:17 pm to DavidTheGnome
Tell them point blank: these are MY kids. You will respect my parental wishes, or you will have limited time with my kids.
Had to do this with my own mother. She was upset at first but she got over it.
Had to do this with my own mother. She was upset at first but she got over it.
Posted on 4/1/18 at 1:21 pm to DavidTheGnome
You’re going to need to supple an example, grandparents want to spend time with the grandkids and want them to desire spending time with them.. sometimes this includes them undermining your authority to gain preference. It’s usually not this nefarious we are better than you battle
Posted on 4/1/18 at 1:26 pm to DavidTheGnome
quote:
Do any of you deal with either parents or in laws that try to override what you tell your kids to do?
No kids and my wife's parents are deceased. So...no
But for whatever my advice is worth, you need to have a serious conversation with the in-laws because like you said, they ARE undermining your authority. If they can't respect that, they won't see your grandkids (although your wife needs to be on board).
Posted on 4/1/18 at 2:28 pm to UncleRuckus
quote:
Tell them that shite has to stop immediately.
This. And if it doesn’t they simply can’t see the kids anymore. That kind of crap is inexcusable.
Posted on 4/1/18 at 2:45 pm to DavidTheGnome
No that's never happened to me but if it did I'd tell parents/in laws to leave
Posted on 4/1/18 at 2:50 pm to DavidTheGnome
when my oldest was a tween he begged for and wanted a weight set. I always said negative because of his immaturity and age. My EX MIL bought him one behind my back while I was working and delivered it to my basement while I was @ work.
Several days later....My dog started barking going to the basement stairs. Sure enough the middle son jealous and clowning with the eldest- and I just got there in time before the weights hit a chest.
I divorced because the in laws did this all the time and their son never backed me.
Several days later....My dog started barking going to the basement stairs. Sure enough the middle son jealous and clowning with the eldest- and I just got there in time before the weights hit a chest.
I divorced because the in laws did this all the time and their son never backed me.
Posted on 4/1/18 at 2:52 pm to cajunangelle
quote:
and their son never backed me.
You female? I’d have never guessed
Posted on 4/1/18 at 3:48 pm to upgrayedd
quote:
Every time your FIL tells your MIL to do something or vice versa, tell them they don't have to do that
Pack it up, fellas. This one’s over.
Posted on 4/1/18 at 3:51 pm to DavidTheGnome
Your in-laws don't have any respect for you.
They must know about your crappy threads.
They must know about your crappy threads.
Posted on 4/1/18 at 3:52 pm to Averytiger
quote:
They must know about your crappy threads.
My threads in general are pretty good.
Posted on 4/1/18 at 4:31 pm to UncleRuckus
It is the responsibility of the son/daughter of the grandparent to make sure this does not happen.
Leaving it up to the in-law to do this is just asking for trouble.
So I blame a lot of this on your wife
Leaving it up to the in-law to do this is just asking for trouble.
So I blame a lot of this on your wife
Posted on 4/1/18 at 4:59 pm to DavidTheGnome
Posted on 4/1/18 at 5:12 pm to DavidTheGnome
quote:
My threads in general are pretty good
Lazy reposts from Reddit is considered pretty good these days?
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