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Posted on 3/17/17 at 10:01 am to X123F45
As a young Airman had the opportunity to play in a base golf tourney, got paired with the Wing Commander / Wing Deputy Commander / and the hospital commander's husband.
It was an AMC base, so mostly heavy cargo aircraft flying in and out and the Wing Commander was a heavies pilot.
I was talking to the Wing Commander and listening to his career and how he had gotten there. He was talking about C-130's and his flight hours in them. When he finished I asked him when he decided to be a pilot why didn't he choose a cool aircraft to fly?
He wasn't thrilled with that question, and the rest of the day was awkward as frick.
It was an AMC base, so mostly heavy cargo aircraft flying in and out and the Wing Commander was a heavies pilot.
I was talking to the Wing Commander and listening to his career and how he had gotten there. He was talking about C-130's and his flight hours in them. When he finished I asked him when he decided to be a pilot why didn't he choose a cool aircraft to fly?
He wasn't thrilled with that question, and the rest of the day was awkward as frick.
Posted on 3/17/17 at 10:03 am to TennesseeFan25
A couple years ago my girlfriend called and ordered food from Applebee's and I was gonna go pick it up.
So I drive down there and go to the pickup counter and let them know I'm here. They pull up the orders but say they can't find my order. I'm like wtf.
So the guy asks what did I order and I told him and he says we don't serve that here. I'm like what do you mean you don't serve that here?
He said "this is Chili's".
frick.
So I drive down there and go to the pickup counter and let them know I'm here. They pull up the orders but say they can't find my order. I'm like wtf.
So the guy asks what did I order and I told him and he says we don't serve that here. I'm like what do you mean you don't serve that here?
He said "this is Chili's".
frick.
Posted on 3/17/17 at 10:10 am to PrimeTime Money
Wife did that with hooters and buffalo wild wings.
She was so adamant they were about to give her the order for free when she realized what had happened.
She was so adamant they were about to give her the order for free when she realized what had happened.
Posted on 3/17/17 at 10:12 am to Salmon
Posted on 3/17/17 at 10:13 am to TennesseeFan25
Haha it would maybe even be worse if you realize the mistake yourself because you realize yourself that you were the idiot in the situation and then have to explain to them why they don't have your order.
This post was edited on 3/17/17 at 10:15 am
Posted on 3/17/17 at 10:14 am to TennesseeFan25
A few years ago I was staying a week in Seattle for a conference and they put me up in an Embassy Suites. I don't do much on the road but work out in the hotel gym in the evenings. I noticed a super hot girl was in the gym at the same time for the first few nights. I remember thinking that she was too attractive to have a day job like the rest of us. She was that hot. Our work outs seemed to correspond at the same time. Since we were in the gym together so much, we started small talking by the third night. She was there for the week as well.
At the end of that third night, we were riding up the elevator together. (If you've ever stayed in an Embassy Suites, you know they have the glass-backed elevator, looking out into the atrium below.) We were making our typical small talk and I was trying to be smooth but my stomach was in knots. For lunch I had eaten a huge helping of hot wings with some kind of wasabi sauce and my innards were gurgling and churning. Running six miles on it had pushed me to the brink and I was clinched up, literally squeezing my arse cheeks together.
All this time though, I trying to play smooth with her as we slowly made our way up the floors, just the two of us. She was wearing white yoga pants that were practically see through and she was toned like a fitness model- a legit OT 8. But I couldn't concentrate on that at the moment. I needed to get to my room and take a massive shite and I didn't have much time left. Gas was bubbling up all around my back door and I was having serious concerns. It was affecting my posture.
Finally, the elevator slowed to a halt, dinged and the doors opened. She said, "Oh, this is my floor. I hope I'll see you tomorrow?" Because I'm a pimp, I stifled my intestinal distress and gave her the cool-arse head nod and eyebrow raise. I was all, "It's the highlight of my day. Can't wait." She smiled and exited.
Finally, I was alone. As she walked out the door, I spread my arse cheeks apart (to remain silent) and let out the hottest, wettest fart you could imagine. If I didn't let that out, I wasn't going to make it another 30 seconds without shitting my pants. That release valve had to be tapped. It smelled about as awful as you'd imagine and that's where this story gets awkward. Just as I let out a sigh of relief and slumped against the wall to see the doors closing, a tiny arm stuck its way into the elevator. The sensor activated and the doors swung back open. It was the hottie. "Oops! Got off on the wrong floor!", she said.
NOOOOO! I was horrified. I looked at her and watched her face as she took in a full breath. In slow motion I watched her features change from grinning smile to confusion to disgust. The smell was unholy. I mean, no fart smells good but this was like raw sewage. Worse than that, actually. I can't even do it justice but it was a mix of hot wings, spoiled cabbage, diarrhea juice and burnt a-hole.
The next 60 seconds were the longest of my life. She faced away from me and stood two inches from the door, practically gagging. She didn't confront me though it was obvious what I did because we were the only ones on the elevator. I stood there in shame until she reached her floor. When the doors finally opened, she sprinted from the elevator without saying a word.
For the remainder of the week, I hid from her. I got up at 5 am and did my workouts in the early morning so I wouldn't have to see her again and even used the side stairwell entrance and exit so we wouldn't make contact for the rest of my time there. Every time I'm in a hotel I think of her and that awful elevator ride. It's awkward now even typing this out.
At the end of that third night, we were riding up the elevator together. (If you've ever stayed in an Embassy Suites, you know they have the glass-backed elevator, looking out into the atrium below.) We were making our typical small talk and I was trying to be smooth but my stomach was in knots. For lunch I had eaten a huge helping of hot wings with some kind of wasabi sauce and my innards were gurgling and churning. Running six miles on it had pushed me to the brink and I was clinched up, literally squeezing my arse cheeks together.
All this time though, I trying to play smooth with her as we slowly made our way up the floors, just the two of us. She was wearing white yoga pants that were practically see through and she was toned like a fitness model- a legit OT 8. But I couldn't concentrate on that at the moment. I needed to get to my room and take a massive shite and I didn't have much time left. Gas was bubbling up all around my back door and I was having serious concerns. It was affecting my posture.
Finally, the elevator slowed to a halt, dinged and the doors opened. She said, "Oh, this is my floor. I hope I'll see you tomorrow?" Because I'm a pimp, I stifled my intestinal distress and gave her the cool-arse head nod and eyebrow raise. I was all, "It's the highlight of my day. Can't wait." She smiled and exited.
Finally, I was alone. As she walked out the door, I spread my arse cheeks apart (to remain silent) and let out the hottest, wettest fart you could imagine. If I didn't let that out, I wasn't going to make it another 30 seconds without shitting my pants. That release valve had to be tapped. It smelled about as awful as you'd imagine and that's where this story gets awkward. Just as I let out a sigh of relief and slumped against the wall to see the doors closing, a tiny arm stuck its way into the elevator. The sensor activated and the doors swung back open. It was the hottie. "Oops! Got off on the wrong floor!", she said.
NOOOOO! I was horrified. I looked at her and watched her face as she took in a full breath. In slow motion I watched her features change from grinning smile to confusion to disgust. The smell was unholy. I mean, no fart smells good but this was like raw sewage. Worse than that, actually. I can't even do it justice but it was a mix of hot wings, spoiled cabbage, diarrhea juice and burnt a-hole.
The next 60 seconds were the longest of my life. She faced away from me and stood two inches from the door, practically gagging. She didn't confront me though it was obvious what I did because we were the only ones on the elevator. I stood there in shame until she reached her floor. When the doors finally opened, she sprinted from the elevator without saying a word.
For the remainder of the week, I hid from her. I got up at 5 am and did my workouts in the early morning so I wouldn't have to see her again and even used the side stairwell entrance and exit so we wouldn't make contact for the rest of my time there. Every time I'm in a hotel I think of her and that awful elevator ride. It's awkward now even typing this out.
This post was edited on 3/17/17 at 10:17 am
Posted on 3/17/17 at 10:31 am to Displaced
quote:
I hate myself for it, but I crashed a wedding reception once. It turns out that "the one that got away" was getting married and no one told me until that damn day. It turned out that I was the last one to know and a lot of my friends were invited.
I got trashed when I found out and decided to go crash it. I called a friend, found out where it was and me and buddy headed over. I was in a t-shirt, jeans and boots but everyone else was dressed in black tie attire. I stuck out like a sore thumb. At the moment, I didn't give a shite. I just marched in there and drew all the eyes. My ex and her now husband stared at me and she was shocked. You could see it on her face. I gotta give it to the guy though. He remained calm even though he was so angry you could see the tears in his eyes.
It wasn't until I grabbed a glass and toasted them that the groomsmen grabbed me and threw me out. I'll never live that day down. I'm not complaining, but looking back, damn that was awkward.
You should write a country song about this!
Oh wait....Garth already has.
J/K
But not really.
This post was edited on 3/17/17 at 12:23 pm
Posted on 3/17/17 at 10:50 am to Impotent Waffle
quote:At least you got to finish before you jumped out!
we start having the sex. About 15 secs later, I had to jump out of hottub
Posted on 3/17/17 at 10:53 am to Bluefin
quote:I had a similar moment.
I was in an elevator with my brother at his apartment building in Atlanta about 7 years ago. We were going up to the 7th floor from the lower level garage. There were 2 others on the elevator with us at this point. As we were going up, the elevator stops, and an older black man carrying three watermelons gets on.
Deciding that this was a fantastic opportunity to reinforce a hilarious stereotype, I pull out my flip phone to discretely take a picture.
Thinking my flash was turned off, I snap the pic. Not only was the flash not off, neither was the "crr-chik" sound that phones used to loudly make. The entire elevator is illuminated, and it is obvious to everyone that I just took a pic of this poor man, likely because I'm a racist POS.
Made sure my phone was on silent, but forgot about the flash. I was at a Gamestop I didn't frequent normally. And the chick at the checkout counter, you could definitely tell she was all kinds of nerdy, but she was super cute and had an insane rack which was spilling out of the Gamestop polo that wasn't buttoned all the way up. I figured my friends would never believe I saw a chick like that working at Gamesotp so I'd sneak in a pic...but the flash!!!!!
I don't think anyone was paying attention and no one was behind me, so I was able to get my phone down before anyone looked back, so I'm not certain they knew what happened...but they probably did.
Posted on 3/17/17 at 11:05 am to TennesseeFan25
I took a deaf chick home from Fred's once. When we got back to my place, I turned the music on and canked the bass as loud as possible.
The real kicker was I lived on Harwich, right next to the Louisiana School for the Deaf!
The real kicker was I lived on Harwich, right next to the Louisiana School for the Deaf!
Posted on 3/17/17 at 11:53 am to ThatMakesSense
Years ago I was drunk off my arse at the old TJ Quills. I come out to my car, which I loved, to find that some arse hat had parked so close to me that the rear bumper of his car was wedged against the rear quarter panel of my car.
There was a dent there.
I was pissed.
Minutes later the owners of the vehicle come outside. I completely lost it. They were two arab looking guys. I started yelling at them "what the frick is this?! You think your car is a camel? You can just park that shite anywhere? You can't drive a car like a camel you filthy ragheads!"
It was bad. Looking back they weren't arabs at all. Probably Greek or something. I don't know.
My girlfriend at the time called the cops because she was certain I was about to fight these guys.
A cop shows up, takes one look at both cars, and explains to me that the two dusky complected arab/greek gentlemen didn't run into my car; someone had hit the rear of their vehicle and pushed it into my car.
All I could say was "right....." I gave the keys to my old lady and we got the frick out of there. I'm pretty sure this is the reason why we broke up not too long after.
There was a dent there.
I was pissed.
Minutes later the owners of the vehicle come outside. I completely lost it. They were two arab looking guys. I started yelling at them "what the frick is this?! You think your car is a camel? You can just park that shite anywhere? You can't drive a car like a camel you filthy ragheads!"
It was bad. Looking back they weren't arabs at all. Probably Greek or something. I don't know.
My girlfriend at the time called the cops because she was certain I was about to fight these guys.
A cop shows up, takes one look at both cars, and explains to me that the two dusky complected arab/greek gentlemen didn't run into my car; someone had hit the rear of their vehicle and pushed it into my car.
All I could say was "right....." I gave the keys to my old lady and we got the frick out of there. I'm pretty sure this is the reason why we broke up not too long after.
Posted on 3/17/17 at 12:05 pm to ClientNumber9
ClientNumber9
Holy shart, I just spit coffee all over. Thanks for making my afternoon.
Holy shart, I just spit coffee all over. Thanks for making my afternoon.
Posted on 3/17/17 at 12:08 pm to Salmon
quote:
A few months back my neighborhood FB group had a bunch of drama dealing with petty crime.
Do you live in South Highlands?
Posted on 3/17/17 at 12:11 pm to boxcarbarney
quote:
You can't drive a car like a camel you filthy ragheads!"
The truth comes out when we drink.
quote:
I'm pretty sure this is the reason why we broke up not too long after.
...
Posted on 3/17/17 at 12:18 pm to Displaced
Yes Garth, I remember that song
Posted on 3/17/17 at 12:19 pm to TennesseeFan25
Many years ago I was traveling for business and went out for dinner. I feel awkward sitting at a table eating alone, so I brought in a Wallstreet Journal to read. It probably stuck out like a sore thumb at the Sizzler or wherever I was. When dinner arrived the waitress puts the plate down and I place the paper over the candle. After a few bites the table literally erupts in flames. I try pouring my ice tea and water on the flames to no avail. So the bus boy comes running out with a fire extinguisher from the kitchen and hits the whole table with CO2 powder. By that time I made my way to the door and hauled arse.
Posted on 3/17/17 at 12:25 pm to shel311
quote:
was at a Gamestop I didn't frequent normally. And the chick at the checkout counter, you could definitely tell she was all kinds of nerdy, but she was super cute and had an insane rack which was spilling out of the Gamestop polo that wasn't buttoned all the way up
You live in DFW, right....?...was she a short , red head girl? If so, I know the location
Posted on 3/17/17 at 12:44 pm to TennesseeFan25
quote:
He was talking about C-130's and his flight hours in them. When he finished I asked him when he decided to be a pilot why didn't he choose a cool aircraft to fly?
reminds me of a trip I was on years ago, I was a 727 FO and the engineer was a civilian, he and I were talking about how a pilot was assigned to a particular airplane when he gets out of pilot training, I knew the CA, and he was on ok guy but a little on the nerdy side, so I was kind of loading it up just to see if I could piss him off, I told the FE(embellishing a bit,) the sharp guys get the fast movers, if there aren't enough slots, they go to tankers, or BUFFs(making a lot of shite up,) then I told him if you just muddle through pilot training and they've got nowhere else to put you, you get a C-130, that's where the dregs, the bottom of the barrel, the worst of the worst go, the guy says "hmm, interesting, were you in the military Jim(the Captain?) "yes, I was in the Air Force" "what did you fly?" Jim glares at me and says"C-130s", not awkward for me, just funny at the time
Posted on 3/17/17 at 12:53 pm to 777Tiger
So the girl of my dreams in HS and I went our separate ways after senior year. Years later I managed to find her and we meet up. Eventually we decide to go to dinner. Before she picked me up that night, I decided to whack it before she came. You know, to take some of the nervousness away. The problem was, I had no idea where I went. So I'm looking for the load, and the door knocks. I have to stop looking and answer the door, and of course it's her. We say hello, and then she asks if that's hair gel hanging off my ear, and she proceeds to pick it off and run it through her hair. At dinner that night, her hair was straight up from the splooge.
Talk about embarrassing!
Talk about embarrassing!
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