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re: Friend thinking about divorce
Posted on 2/14/17 at 10:21 am to PRarroT
Posted on 2/14/17 at 10:21 am to PRarroT
With young kids she frankly will be in his life and head as much as she is now unless he just walks away. School, doctor's appointments, etc. He should think long and hard about how much of a "relief" he thinks he will get and is it off-set by the child support, lack of input into kids daily lives, having another man in the kids lives, only dating chicks when kids aren't around, etc. (all of which will happen). Might not be so bad where he is at.
Posted on 2/14/17 at 11:24 am to PRarroT
quote:
I'm told the marriage has been "bad" for many years. But recently my friend has really made an effort to get his act together.
So your "friend" was an a-hole for many years, decided to try to be a decent person and is now disappointed that things haven't improved overnight?
It doesn't happen like that. People that have been shite on in relationships don't forgive nor forget easily. If the marriage was bad for years because your "friend" was a douche, then it may well take years of him being this newfound person to balance things out.
Sex life isn't the cause, it's just a symptom. Just bringing it up tells me your "friend" has poor focus.
Your "friend" and his wife should look into marriage counseling if they both have any interest in saving their marriage. Be warned though, your "friend" might find out a lot about himself he doesn't want to hear.
Posted on 2/14/17 at 11:30 am to PRarroT
quote:
I'm told the marriage has been "bad" for many years. But recently my friend has really made an effort to get his act together. He is trying to be a leader, do more than his share, be ahead of everything he can be responsible for, being positive and kind to his wife. I think thier sex life is terrible (he says they havent had sex in months) and she is really mean to him. She does not reciprocate any of his positivity or affection. He says she has withdrawn completely from any effort at their relationship. Classic story in many ways, I assume.
If it's miserable and divorce will kill him financially, why not just stay with her and blatantly cheat?
Posted on 2/14/17 at 11:37 am to PRarroT
quote:
I have a friend, of course, who is thinking about divorce. He has 3 kids, all pretty young, and his wife is a stay at home mom. He makes over $100k, I believe. We'll say $135k.
This is how I read this.
"I am thinking about divorce. I have 3 kids who are all young and my wife stays at home because she is too fricking lazy to get a job. I make only about $35k a year. Would I be better off divorcing her?
Posted on 2/14/17 at 12:00 pm to PRarroT
Gonna make life hard on him and the kids to split up the income like that.
Money that could be saved for kids college will be used to pay his bills and her bills in separate households going forward.
Not a good economic decision.
Money that could be saved for kids college will be used to pay his bills and her bills in separate households going forward.
Not a good economic decision.
Posted on 2/14/17 at 12:18 pm to PRarroT
Tell your friend to read The Five Love Languages. His efforts may be well meant but misdirected.
Also, tell him to be very, very patient. Divorce with young kids is excruciatingly painful, even if the divorce is not bitter. He won't be coming home to his kids, sharing their day, hearing their stories. The everyday with the kids is something people discount when considering divorce.
If it is bitter it will be beyond awful. Patience, persistence and time are what the situation calls for. Divorce is not the answer.
Also, tell him to be very, very patient. Divorce with young kids is excruciatingly painful, even if the divorce is not bitter. He won't be coming home to his kids, sharing their day, hearing their stories. The everyday with the kids is something people discount when considering divorce.
If it is bitter it will be beyond awful. Patience, persistence and time are what the situation calls for. Divorce is not the answer.
Posted on 2/14/17 at 12:34 pm to ItTakesAThief
quote:
Not a good economic decision.
Is everything about economics though?
If this guy is trudging along day after day hating his life while his wife stays home and makes him unhappy, why should he care about his finances? His finances are fine now, and he's miserable.
Now, that's of course taking his side of the story.
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