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Message
Marriage advice
Posted on 2/18/15 at 8:38 pm
Posted on 2/18/15 at 8:38 pm
Me and the SO have been together for six years. Living together for the past four. We are both 45 yo. We both have been married twice before. We both have adult children and they are all on their own. We get along remarkably well and are very happy together. Recently she is talking seriously about getting married. Mostly because she comes from a strict catholic family and wants to set a good example for her kids and grandchildren which I get. Neither one of us have a good track record with marriage so why mess up a good thing. I just don't see the point in this day and age. I went through two brutal divorces and just the thought of it freaks me out.
What say the OT? advice?
I know this is the last place in the world to seek opinions but what the hell, let er rip!
What say the OT? advice?
I know this is the last place in the world to seek opinions but what the hell, let er rip!
Posted on 2/18/15 at 8:40 pm to foj1981
I would never get married again if I was in your shoes Unless the divorces were literally none of your fault at all.
Posted on 2/18/15 at 8:40 pm to foj1981
Run.
Just kidding, but...
Why would she want to marry for the third time? Are you looking to have more kids? Is she in the will? Is stuff in her name or just your name?
Just kidding, but...
Why would she want to marry for the third time? Are you looking to have more kids? Is she in the will? Is stuff in her name or just your name?
Posted on 2/18/15 at 8:42 pm to foj1981
Neither of you are good at it so why keep trying?
Posted on 2/18/15 at 8:42 pm to foj1981
Can't y'all do some legal wrangling ahead of time that would make a potential divorce less of a problem?
Posted on 2/18/15 at 8:42 pm to foj1981
quote:
Mostly because she comes from a strict catholic family and wants to set a good example for her kids and grandchildren
A strict Catholic doesn't get divorced. A good example? She's already been divorced twice that ships long since sailed.
Posted on 2/18/15 at 8:43 pm to foj1981
Kind of seems pointless. At the point in your life's, if you are happy, just keep doing what you are doing.
Posted on 2/18/15 at 8:43 pm to OleWarSkuleAlum
Yeah she obviously isn't a strict catholic. Maybe just when being one gets what she wants
Posted on 2/18/15 at 8:44 pm to foj1981
She's got other reasons than setting a good example. Two marriages and living together for 4 years aren't the greatest of examples.
Posted on 2/18/15 at 8:45 pm to foj1981
quote:
Recently she is talking seriously about getting married. Mostly because she comes from a strict catholic family and wants to set a good example for her kids and grandchildren
quote:
We both have been married twice before
Ummmmmmm
Posted on 2/18/15 at 8:45 pm to OleWarSkuleAlum
True. Will be no more kids at our age and she is financially independent to where she often is making more than me. Money/assets not an issue as we would do a prenuptial
Posted on 2/18/15 at 8:46 pm to foj1981
quote:
she comes from a strict catholic family and wants to set a good example for her kids and grandchildren
Someone should tell that real Catholics don't get divorced because they know it means going to hell.
Posted on 2/18/15 at 8:46 pm to foj1981
You guys are both happy and you should set the example in how you live and treat each other every day, not whether someone blessed your Union. You are right in keeping things as they are.
Strict Catholic family or not, she's been divorced twice, so getting married a third time doesn't set any positive example for her grandkids anyway.
Strict Catholic family or not, she's been divorced twice, so getting married a third time doesn't set any positive example for her grandkids anyway.
Posted on 2/18/15 at 8:46 pm to foj1981
If you get married and are successful, you still only went 1 for 3 in marriage .. Big deal .. Leave it at 0 for 2, don't give the pussy an excuse to stop, and hang on to your leverage that is your ability to call it quits cleanly at any time ..
Posted on 2/18/15 at 8:46 pm to foj1981
Don't make such a huge decision for the sake of "tradition" when it logically makes no sense for either of you.
Posted on 2/18/15 at 8:49 pm to foj1981
quote:
Neither one of us have a good track record with marriage
You need to have a serious conversation with her.
Posted on 2/18/15 at 8:50 pm to foj1981
quote:
I just don't see the point in this day and age.
You mean like:
Tax Benefits
Filing joint income tax returns with the IRS and state taxing authorities.
Creating a "family partnership" under federal tax laws, which allows you to divide business income among family members.
Estate Planning Benefits
Inheriting a share of your spouse's estate.
Receiving an exemption from both estate taxes and gift taxes for all property you give or leave to your spouse.
Creating life estate trusts that are restricted to married couples, including QTIP trusts, QDOT trusts, and marital deduction trusts.
Obtaining priority if a conservator needs to be appointed for your spouse -- that is, someone to make financial and/or medical decisions on your spouse's behalf.
Government Benefits
Receiving Social Security, Medicare, and disability benefits for spouses.
Receiving veterans' and military benefits for spouses, such as those for education, medical care, or special loans.
Receiving public assistance benefits.
Employment Benefits
Obtaining insurance benefits through a spouse's employer.
Taking family leave to care for your spouse during an illness.
Receiving wages, workers' compensation, and retirement plan benefits for a deceased spouse.
Taking bereavement leave if your spouse or one of your spouse's close relatives dies.
Medical Benefits
Visiting your spouse in a hospital intensive care unit or during restricted visiting hours in other parts of a medical facility.
Making medical decisions for your spouse if he or she becomes incapacitated and unable to express wishes for treatment.
Death Benefits
Consenting to after-death examinations and procedures.
Making burial or other final arrangements.
Family Benefits
Filing for stepparent or joint adoption.
Applying for joint foster care rights.
Receiving equitable division of property if you divorce.
Receiving spousal or child support, child custody, and visitation if you divorce.
Housing Benefits
Living in neighborhoods zoned for "families only."
Automatically renewing leases signed by your spouse.
Consumer Benefits
Receiving family rates for health, homeowners', auto, and other types of insurance.
Receiving tuition discounts and permission to use school facilities.
Other consumer discounts and incentives offered only to married couples or families.
Other Legal Benefits and Protections
Suing a third person for wrongful death of your spouse and loss of consortium (loss of intimacy).
Suing a third person for offenses that interfere with the success of your marriage, such as alienation of affection and criminal conversation (these laws are available in only a few states).
Claiming the marital communications privilege, which means a court can't force you to disclose the contents of confidential communications between you and your spouse during your marriage.
Receiving crime victims' recovery benefits if your spouse is the victim of a crime.
Obtaining immigration and residency benefits for noncitizen spouse.
Visiting rights in jails and other places where visitors are restricted to immediate family.
Posted on 2/18/15 at 8:51 pm to foj1981
Protect your assets.
I would do it though.
I would do it though.
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