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The Chronicles of Abhorrence: The Gift, The Choice and The Ice Tub
10/12/11 6:39AM
Jabari Greer, Special to The Times-Picayune

Abhorrence: noun. a feeling of repulsion; disgusted loathing

A man enters a lawyers office. There he is told about the death of a distant relative he hardly knew. "He had no wife nor children", said the lawyer. "Instead, he focused solely on his work and amassed great wealth for himself. Upon his deathbed he named you to be the sole heir to his fortune."
greermug.jpgJabari Greer

Astonished, the man collected himself, and while thousands of questions crossed his mind he asks only one.

"What did he leave me?" asks the man.

"10 million dollars, a villa in Napa Valley and 800 acres of beautiful land," the lawyer continues.

"To get the money, the house and the land, my client required only one stipulation."

"Anything" the man says naively.

The lawyer reaches into a drawer in his desk, and pulls out a pair of scissors.

"You've got to cut the grass."

---

As professional athletes, we are like the fortunate relative. Greatly appreciative, but ultimately unaware (at first) of what it means to be a "Pro".

As kids, football was something that captured our heart. We would count the days until football season started, eagerly awaiting a break in our summer routine. At this age (6-17) the only thing that it took to play ball was good grades and good manners. A 3.4 and a polite disposition allowed me the freedom (granted by my parents, of course) to pursue my passion.

As I got older, practices became tougher, championships became harder to win, and the thoughts of a full paid scholarship changed the game slightly; but, I still had the comforts of being a kid (no rent, free food, and most importantly, momma washed my drawers, incredible).

*Sidenote:* At what age is it socially unacceptable for our moms to stop washing our drawers? Does it depend on age, or the "stains therein".

But I digress ...

In college, depending on which one you attend, the stakes are raised. Coaching staffs and athletic directors depend on 18 year old kids for job security (and ultimately, family stability).

With that, along with an opportunity to play on Sunday, there is an added sense of urgency to produce. But make no mistakes about it, as a college athlete, your focus is easily distracted by the next frat party, or that girl that sits across from you in Biology 212.

Now in the "league", you play No Limit Texas Hold'em, and with every play you go "All In".

This is a great game, but as my coach would say "A Production Buisness".

So much is on the line, every game, every snap, that you must invest everything you have to be successful. A "pro" must be meticulously disciplined with everything from your diet, your film study, to my archnemesis: "The Ice-Tub".

Now, I understand there have been many studies confirming the effectiveness of the ice tub. It is said to decrease lactic acid build-up in your legs, thus decreasing the soreness and ultimately, leaving the athelete more refreshed

BUT THAT THING IS A (EXPLETIVE) BULLY!

I know some readers might think it is silly for me to personify an inanimate object, but TRUST ME, you have to hear some of the things that creep says to me:

(Scene: Jabari, dressed in grey shorts and flip flops, stares intensely at the ice tub. With no other players around, Jabari is alone, and scared)

Ice Tub: (in a very loud, assertive voice) WHAT'S UP MUTHA(expletive)!

JABARI: (startled) Hey man, calm down.

Ice Tub: AIN'T NO CALMING DOWN HERE CHUMP! I HEARD YOUR (EXPLETIVE) WAS LOOKING FOR ME. WELL HERE I AM MUTHA(EXPLETIVE)!

(Jabari gets in the tub, it is freezing; jabari is shivering)

Ice Tub: OH YEAH BOY! BURNS DON'T IT? GET OUT. GET OUT NOW!!!!!!

(Jabari jumps out the ice tub)

Jabari: (in a defeated tone): Man, forget this! I'll just jump in tomorrow.

Ice Tub: HAHAHAHAHA! (EXPLETIVE) YOU!

Jabari walks away, head lowered in defeat. cameras fade. end scene.

I hate that guy.

Jabari

Nobody understands me.

P.S: Please excuse the use of profanity in this piece. To capture the idea in the scene between me and the ice tub, i had to personify it in a vulgar way. Hope you enjoy!