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Started By
Message
Estate planning assistance
Posted on 3/23/26 at 11:28 pm
Posted on 3/23/26 at 11:28 pm
Wife and I are both in our very early 30's, we've been married 5 years, no kids currently, and reside in Missouri. I want to make sure everything is accessible to her in case something happens to me, as I control our finances.
I purchased our home prior to marriage, not sure if that matters. I do have a mortgage on it. All of our vehicles have been purchased after marriage and are in my name, transfer on death to her. All are paid off and I have physical titles for all.
I have a 401k through my job with her as the beneficiary, a Fidelity account for other investments (I believe she is the beneficiary here as well, but will double check). She works part time and has no investment accounts. We have a shared bank account and a shared credit card account.
I am working on putting together a physical list of pertinent accounts, passwords, and info for storage in a safe place. I also plan to store all of our documents (titles, birth certificates, etc) here as well. Will likely get a safe or something.
I have also been looking into creating a will, trust, etc., just looking for advice on things I'm may be forgetting or things you wish you knew prior to going through this process.
I purchased our home prior to marriage, not sure if that matters. I do have a mortgage on it. All of our vehicles have been purchased after marriage and are in my name, transfer on death to her. All are paid off and I have physical titles for all.
I have a 401k through my job with her as the beneficiary, a Fidelity account for other investments (I believe she is the beneficiary here as well, but will double check). She works part time and has no investment accounts. We have a shared bank account and a shared credit card account.
I am working on putting together a physical list of pertinent accounts, passwords, and info for storage in a safe place. I also plan to store all of our documents (titles, birth certificates, etc) here as well. Will likely get a safe or something.
I have also been looking into creating a will, trust, etc., just looking for advice on things I'm may be forgetting or things you wish you knew prior to going through this process.
5
Posted on 3/24/26 at 12:19 am to SidewalkTiger
Sounds like you are leaving everything to her in the event something happens to you.
Assuming she is the sole beneficiary within your will, I would ensure all listed assets and accounts are listed for her in the will of course and look into a trust possibly to avoid a probate or estate through the court system which can take some time through an estate lawyer. I'd also look into a power of attorney to give her the right to finances and decisions on your behalf in the event you were incapacitated or very sick, this can alleviate some immediate financial worry to handle bills, mortgage, etc.
I think there is a medical and financial one, not an estate lawyer or attorney, but when making the will just ask.
Because you bought the house before yall were married the state may look at it as separate property if not made into a transferable deed to her or within a trust so thats important to get squared away.
Major banks (frick Capital One) can be a pain in the frickin arse to get access to if proper estate documentation such as executorship/court docs/will are not shown so see if any of your accounts in the bank have a POD (Payable on Death) option.
For that "master document" containing every single piece of info for all things important, SSNs, Birth Certificates, passwords (PLEASE INCLUDE YOUR PHONE PASSWORD TO SAVE TROUBLE WITH PHONE PROVIDER/COMPANY - gives her access to all of your info easily - banking apps, email, your photos/social media, and any and every thing she may need quickly), Account Numbers to Banks/Investment companies, who to call for taxes, insurance (life, health, home) policies, subscriptions in every matter (home, entertainment, etc), just everything important you can possibly think of really.
I know this seems grim, but funeral wishes help tremendously for a loved one. If you want to be buried somewhere by deceased family, in a specific casket, flowers, songs, how you want to be dressed in casket (open vs closed), gotta think about all the details so she can be at peace that this is what you wanted if the worst occurs.
Finally, letting her know where the docs/info are in the safe, the passcode/key for the safe, and what attorney that handled your will (and their direct/office #) will save her some time in the beginning. Estate planning and handling after death can be a overwhelming process if left in the desert with little to no information known so letting her know that you are taking care of it now gives not just yourself peace of mind, but her as well and I am sure you love her enough to want that for her.
Hope this helps some man.
Assuming she is the sole beneficiary within your will, I would ensure all listed assets and accounts are listed for her in the will of course and look into a trust possibly to avoid a probate or estate through the court system which can take some time through an estate lawyer. I'd also look into a power of attorney to give her the right to finances and decisions on your behalf in the event you were incapacitated or very sick, this can alleviate some immediate financial worry to handle bills, mortgage, etc.
I think there is a medical and financial one, not an estate lawyer or attorney, but when making the will just ask.
Because you bought the house before yall were married the state may look at it as separate property if not made into a transferable deed to her or within a trust so thats important to get squared away.
Major banks (frick Capital One) can be a pain in the frickin arse to get access to if proper estate documentation such as executorship/court docs/will are not shown so see if any of your accounts in the bank have a POD (Payable on Death) option.
For that "master document" containing every single piece of info for all things important, SSNs, Birth Certificates, passwords (PLEASE INCLUDE YOUR PHONE PASSWORD TO SAVE TROUBLE WITH PHONE PROVIDER/COMPANY - gives her access to all of your info easily - banking apps, email, your photos/social media, and any and every thing she may need quickly), Account Numbers to Banks/Investment companies, who to call for taxes, insurance (life, health, home) policies, subscriptions in every matter (home, entertainment, etc), just everything important you can possibly think of really.
I know this seems grim, but funeral wishes help tremendously for a loved one. If you want to be buried somewhere by deceased family, in a specific casket, flowers, songs, how you want to be dressed in casket (open vs closed), gotta think about all the details so she can be at peace that this is what you wanted if the worst occurs.
Finally, letting her know where the docs/info are in the safe, the passcode/key for the safe, and what attorney that handled your will (and their direct/office #) will save her some time in the beginning. Estate planning and handling after death can be a overwhelming process if left in the desert with little to no information known so letting her know that you are taking care of it now gives not just yourself peace of mind, but her as well and I am sure you love her enough to want that for her.
Hope this helps some man.
Posted on 3/24/26 at 9:08 am to SidewalkTiger
Living Trust...good job.
Posted on 3/24/26 at 3:45 pm to SidewalkTiger
Are you good on term life insurance? Should you pass, she will need something to invest and draw income off of.
I think most advisors recommend 10-12 times your annual income.
I think most advisors recommend 10-12 times your annual income.
This post was edited on 3/24/26 at 3:46 pm
Posted on 3/24/26 at 3:57 pm to SidewalkTiger
Having been through this process once, with an attorney, I do think an attorney is a good choice if you can find the right one. Ours was very thorough, and the process was a PIA. She forced us to produce documents proving things such as that beneficiaries were actually the way we thought they were on our accounts, and dug back into details 30-plus years old. As a result, we became better organized and updated some things we hadn't realized were out of date.
We also had a friend who was fading quickly in his mental capacity. We saw her in action, helping him to change his beneficiary and working to ensure this change would hold up in court. While it never went to court, I believe her thoroughness would have ensured his wishes prevailed.
As much as I hated spending all that time gathering items for her requests, I am 100% confident everything was done correctly and that we received good guidance.
My parents set up their will with a different attorney. I think they are ok, but not as good as the one we used. With minor children in the mix, I would think it would be worthwhile to get a good attorney to help ensure your plan is well structured and your goals are met.
We also had a friend who was fading quickly in his mental capacity. We saw her in action, helping him to change his beneficiary and working to ensure this change would hold up in court. While it never went to court, I believe her thoroughness would have ensured his wishes prevailed.
As much as I hated spending all that time gathering items for her requests, I am 100% confident everything was done correctly and that we received good guidance.
My parents set up their will with a different attorney. I think they are ok, but not as good as the one we used. With minor children in the mix, I would think it would be worthwhile to get a good attorney to help ensure your plan is well structured and your goals are met.
Posted on 3/25/26 at 12:33 am to SidewalkTiger
quote:
I have a 401k through my job with her as the beneficiary,
Not a good idea. Because she’s your spouse, she’s automatically the beneficiary. You can’t change that unless she signs a waiver relinquishing her rights as beneficiary.
However, if something happens and y’all get divorce, she will remain as your beneficiary when you die if you forget to change the designation. You’d be surprised at how many people just don’t get around to going through the trouble of changing the beneficiary designation and then their 401(k) goes to their b!tch of an ex-wife.
Therefore, it’s always best to not put your spouse as the beneficiary because if y’all stay married until you die, she'll get it anyway. However, if y’all get divorced and no one is listed as the beneficiary it’ll be distributed according to your state's intestacy laws or your will.
This post was edited on 3/25/26 at 12:38 am
Posted on 3/25/26 at 8:21 am to MMauler
Your callout is valid, but not your opinion. I don't think it is a bad idea.
There are scenarios where wanting the money to clearly go to the spouse or at least specifying what percent you want your spouse to get is a good idea. The possibility of forgetting to change it is not what I would let drive this decision. In finances, you simply have to be better than this. We have a Trust, but many don't need a Trust.
There are scenarios where wanting the money to clearly go to the spouse or at least specifying what percent you want your spouse to get is a good idea. The possibility of forgetting to change it is not what I would let drive this decision. In finances, you simply have to be better than this. We have a Trust, but many don't need a Trust.
Posted on 3/25/26 at 12:26 pm to KWL85
quote:
or at least specifying what percent you want your spouse to get is a good idea.
That's the point. As long as you’re married, you can’t do that. You can’t leave 99% to your spouse and 1% to your kids - or 50/50, or any other combination. By federal ERISA law, your 401(k) goes to your spouse AUTOMATICALLY unless she signs a waiver that is filed with the plan.
So, let’s say that you build up a $2 million 401(k) balance when your first wife dies. Also, you have 4 or five kids from that first marriage. Then, you marry your second spouse and you die the day after the wedding, Your second spouse gets the entire $2 million. You can’t leave any of that to your kids even though your second spouse wasn’t around but for one day of a marriage. The entire $2 million would go to your second spouse.
The only two ways to possibly get out of that is if your second spouse signs a waiver or, in some states, if the surviving spouse is convicted of murdering the deceased spouse.
I've actually advised friends in that situation (large 401(k) balance on second marriage later in life) that they should have their second spouse agree to sign a waiver after they are married so that the 401(k) owner can leave at least a portion of that 401(k) to their children (who are not the children of the second spouse, obviously) so that they’re not cut off entirely.
Posted on 3/25/26 at 2:34 pm to TheGeauxt9
quote:I cannot emphasize this enough. I just went through this a couple weeks ago helping out my FIL who didn't do anything with the finances when his wife unexpectedly passed. I took a week off of work in order to scrape through every credit card and bank statement I could find at their house to try to piece together every account, credit card, utility, service ect that needed to be paid, where they had money stored, and how to access all of the accounts. Was an absolute shite show trying to make sure everything was accounted for.
For that "master document" containing every single piece of info for all things important, SSNs, Birth Certificates, passwords (PLEASE INCLUDE YOUR PHONE PASSWORD TO SAVE TROUBLE WITH PHONE PROVIDER/COMPANY - gives her access to all of your info easily - banking apps, email, your photos/social media, and any and every thing she may need quickly), Account Numbers to Banks/Investment companies, who to call for taxes, insurance (life, health, home) policies, subscriptions in every matter (home, entertainment, etc), just everything important you can possibly think of really.
This post was edited on 3/25/26 at 2:37 pm
Posted on 3/26/26 at 8:37 am to MMauler
We had my wife sign the waiver. Pretty simple to do. We did this due to a scenario similar to what you describe. Our instruction are in our Will, which is why she signed the form.
Posted on 3/26/26 at 5:00 pm to KWL85
quote:
We had my wife sign the waiver. Pretty simple to do. We did this due to a scenario similar to what you describe. Our instruction are in our Will, which is why she signed the form.
Your Will doesn’t impact your 401k outside of perhaps a testamentary trust. If your will says everything goes to your oldest kid but your 401k says it goes to your youngest kid, the youngest kid is getting the 401k.
Posted on 3/26/26 at 7:24 pm to REB BEER
Agree. You need life insurance ASAP based on what you laid out. Term will give you (her) the highest death benefit for the smallest premium.
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