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Started By
Message
How do you take over a parents finances? How do you convince them?
Posted on 11/6/25 at 3:43 pm
Posted on 11/6/25 at 3:43 pm
My dad refuses to admit he's losing it. I'm very afraid he's going to be scammed. He has a lot of money in the bank and it gold but no stocks or bonds really.
He spends hpurs a day going through the same mail over and over again. For some reason he refinaced his house a few months ago. But then i heard him on the phone trying to refi again. But he does not need the money. Its crazy. I went through this with my grandparents and I'm not looking forward to this discussion.
I want to convince him to just let me and my brother manage his accounts and pay his bills.
I'm afraid he's going to send someone $10,000 in a scam like I read about all the time.
He's still lucid but he's slipping. He refuses to see a doctor for anything. He's stubborn mentally. Then to make it worse he drinks.
I'm scared he's going to drink and drive one day.
Is there an easy way to start having the discussion to assume finances? I want him to stay in his home. He's only 66 but still slipping.
He spends hpurs a day going through the same mail over and over again. For some reason he refinaced his house a few months ago. But then i heard him on the phone trying to refi again. But he does not need the money. Its crazy. I went through this with my grandparents and I'm not looking forward to this discussion.
I want to convince him to just let me and my brother manage his accounts and pay his bills.
I'm afraid he's going to send someone $10,000 in a scam like I read about all the time.
He's still lucid but he's slipping. He refuses to see a doctor for anything. He's stubborn mentally. Then to make it worse he drinks.
I'm scared he's going to drink and drive one day.
Is there an easy way to start having the discussion to assume finances? I want him to stay in his home. He's only 66 but still slipping.
Posted on 11/6/25 at 3:46 pm to Napoleon
quote:
He's only 66 but still slipping.
That's to young to be just "slipping" from age. Thats some early onset dementia stuff if you are really worried about his memory and brain function at that age. need to get him checked out.
Posted on 11/6/25 at 5:12 pm to Napoleon
~But then i heard him on the phone trying to refi again.
~He's stubborn mentally
--
Is he approachable?
If he is then talk to him about where's he at.
Doe he have a wife?
~He's stubborn mentally
--
Is he approachable?
If he is then talk to him about where's he at.
Doe he have a wife?
This post was edited on 11/6/25 at 5:14 pm
Posted on 11/6/25 at 5:36 pm to Napoleon
I think this is a bad situation.
I hope the best for your family.
quote:
My dad refuses to admit he's losing it
I hope the best for your family.
Posted on 11/6/25 at 6:58 pm to Napoleon
quote:
How do you take over a parents finances? How do you convince them?
I think I can solve your problem.
Repeat this phrase to yourself three times
“It’s not my money”
“It’s not my money”
“It’s not my money”
Posted on 11/6/25 at 7:15 pm to Napoleon
Have family convince him.
Also, I became dads POA and trustee and he still give me a hard time.
Had to get two MDs to give a letter of incompetence dx to have control of his bank.
I can send you some good info on some steps you should take.
Hire a money manager if you’re busy.
Start keeping receipts so you can show him his bad decisions. My dad bought gold after watching one too many William Devaney commercials. He found out that he lost over half of what he paid for gold. Have the receipts ready and show them off if he is going to forget them anyway. One day he may break down.
Also. I’m sorry you are going thru this. Mine saw memory issues at 79. He’s got health heart and lungs so he’s going to go for a while. 66 may give you 20 years more if this.
Also, I became dads POA and trustee and he still give me a hard time.
Had to get two MDs to give a letter of incompetence dx to have control of his bank.
I can send you some good info on some steps you should take.
Hire a money manager if you’re busy.
Start keeping receipts so you can show him his bad decisions. My dad bought gold after watching one too many William Devaney commercials. He found out that he lost over half of what he paid for gold. Have the receipts ready and show them off if he is going to forget them anyway. One day he may break down.
Also. I’m sorry you are going thru this. Mine saw memory issues at 79. He’s got health heart and lungs so he’s going to go for a while. 66 may give you 20 years more if this.
This post was edited on 11/6/25 at 7:23 pm
Posted on 11/6/25 at 8:31 pm to Guntoter1
quote:it’s also not the money of sine Nigerian prince.
think I can solve your problem. Repeat this phrase to yourself three times “It’s not my money” “It’s not my money” “It’s not my money”
Posted on 11/6/25 at 9:24 pm to tigerfoot
Can get bank/investment manager to set up accounts such that transactions can only be done in person, not on the phone or online. I had my parents add me to their accounts so I could check their accounts daily. Convince him to get lifelock.
Posted on 11/7/25 at 9:05 am to dstone12
quote:
Have family convince him.
Also, I became dads POA and trustee and he still give me a hard time.
Had to get two MDs to give a letter of incompetence dx to have control of his bank.
I can send you some good info on some steps you should take.
Hire a money manager if you’re busy.
Start keeping receipts so you can show him his bad decisions. My dad bought gold after watching one too many William Devaney commercials. He found out that he lost over half of what he paid for gold. Have the receipts ready and show them off if he is going to forget them anyway. One day he may break down.
Also. I’m sorry you are going thru this. Mine saw memory issues at 79. He’s got health heart and lungs so he’s going to go for a while. 66 may give you 20 years more if this.
All of this. You and your brother need to be on the same page about it too.
Dealing with family money can be messy business. It will be a nightmare if the siblings aren't unified.
Posted on 11/7/25 at 10:34 am to prostyleoffensetime
True.
Here is another set of pointers that can help you along. I may be wrong.
I wanted to share as much information as I can to be able to help in any way. Admittedly, my advice is only my recent experience and it is worth what you pay for it….0.
And while it is daunting work, it is fulfilling. You can stack a lot of victories right away, while some items can be lengthy.
I will name names of people that have helped me:
Thad is my father’s certified money manager. He pays my father’s bills for me so I can go be a dad and a husband for my family. Admittedly I use my father’s funds to pay for Thad. It can go pretty high but worth it for me. He’s got access to my father’s bank acct and pays bills. He visits him every now and then.
Jennifer has been instrumental in placing my father in a nursing home. Gets FL2 Forms filled. Everything. Chanel is her placement specialist and very professional and worth the money in my opinion.
She , has people that will go interview My father, ascertain his needs, then go match Those needs with a facility that has availability and is willing to take him. They did that for me and put him in Terrabella of rock Hill.
It has been great and the staff there is very good. Staffing is the most important thing for me. I Do not concern myself with the looks of a facility because staff turnover is one of the main issues for putting someone in a memory care/assisted living.
My father has already progressed from the memory care unit, which is locked, to now taking his medication regularly and being allowed to live in the general population residence portion of ——-
HEALTHCARE POA
FINANCIAL POA
LIVING WILL
ADVANCED DIRECTIVES
You may already have an atty for that. I personally never met him since my father did this years ago.
Rob is my father’s financial advisor. He’s been the most helpful. He’s accompanied me when I had to go to register of deeds. Could I do it myself?
Sure, but Rob is THAT GUY…..he been indispensable. He keeps spreadsheets of what my father’s financial future looks like as well as suggests what minimum distributions I should declare for him to have cash in hand for expenses. He helps me with the paperwork and still manages my father’s portfolio.
TAXES.
Well, this has been hard. My father did not keep up with his mail. I had no clue how to find his 1099s and other documents. Rob helped me got those 1099s from Fidelity and Schwab.
Also, Rob knew about dad’s Soc Sec income. He suggested I go too ok the US soc Sec Adm.
it sucks to go there.
I waited three hours to sit down with the With all the paperwork I thought I needed.
They laughed and said they could see me on December 14. They do not work off of POA….they need a letter of incompetence from a doctor or maybe two.
The jist of the competency letter is this:
From soc sec website…..read this. This is important. .
———A capability determination for Social Security benefits is a process that involves gathering evidence to determine if a beneficiary is capable of managing their benefits.
The evidence can include:
• ??Lay evidence: Information from people who know the beneficiary, such as a relative, friend, or former employer. This evidence can help show how the beneficiary manages their funds and benefits.
• ??Medical evidence: A doctor's letter that explains the beneficiary's physical or mental limitations and how they affect their ability to work. &
• ??Court order: A new court order that shows the beneficiary is legally competent.
———-When documenting a capability determination, you should include:
• ??A conclusion that the beneficiary is capable or not
• ??The basis for your decision
• ??An explanation of how the evidence supports your decision o
You should not delay or suspend benefits while developing a capability determination unless the beneficiary meets specific criteria. You should also determine if you need to pay benefits directly to the beneficiary.
You will need to create a new bank account to receive his social security in your name when t out become his trustee. It’s easy.
----end of soc sec document in competency.
Now I need to sell his house and car…..fun times. My sister in law is a real estate agent though and I put all that into her hands.
Well now, I proof read that and That’s a lot of info and may be repetitive. But this is what I have done so far. This may cut a lot of corners for you and I hope it helps.
###This email was transcribed from a voice to text app by
Here is another set of pointers that can help you along. I may be wrong.
I wanted to share as much information as I can to be able to help in any way. Admittedly, my advice is only my recent experience and it is worth what you pay for it….0.
And while it is daunting work, it is fulfilling. You can stack a lot of victories right away, while some items can be lengthy.
I will name names of people that have helped me:
Thad is my father’s certified money manager. He pays my father’s bills for me so I can go be a dad and a husband for my family. Admittedly I use my father’s funds to pay for Thad. It can go pretty high but worth it for me. He’s got access to my father’s bank acct and pays bills. He visits him every now and then.
Jennifer has been instrumental in placing my father in a nursing home. Gets FL2 Forms filled. Everything. Chanel is her placement specialist and very professional and worth the money in my opinion.
She , has people that will go interview My father, ascertain his needs, then go match Those needs with a facility that has availability and is willing to take him. They did that for me and put him in Terrabella of rock Hill.
It has been great and the staff there is very good. Staffing is the most important thing for me. I Do not concern myself with the looks of a facility because staff turnover is one of the main issues for putting someone in a memory care/assisted living.
My father has already progressed from the memory care unit, which is locked, to now taking his medication regularly and being allowed to live in the general population residence portion of ——-
HEALTHCARE POA
FINANCIAL POA
LIVING WILL
ADVANCED DIRECTIVES
You may already have an atty for that. I personally never met him since my father did this years ago.
Rob is my father’s financial advisor. He’s been the most helpful. He’s accompanied me when I had to go to register of deeds. Could I do it myself?
Sure, but Rob is THAT GUY…..he been indispensable. He keeps spreadsheets of what my father’s financial future looks like as well as suggests what minimum distributions I should declare for him to have cash in hand for expenses. He helps me with the paperwork and still manages my father’s portfolio.
TAXES.
Well, this has been hard. My father did not keep up with his mail. I had no clue how to find his 1099s and other documents. Rob helped me got those 1099s from Fidelity and Schwab.
Also, Rob knew about dad’s Soc Sec income. He suggested I go too ok the US soc Sec Adm.
it sucks to go there.
I waited three hours to sit down with the With all the paperwork I thought I needed.
They laughed and said they could see me on December 14. They do not work off of POA….they need a letter of incompetence from a doctor or maybe two.
The jist of the competency letter is this:
From soc sec website…..read this. This is important. .
———A capability determination for Social Security benefits is a process that involves gathering evidence to determine if a beneficiary is capable of managing their benefits.
The evidence can include:
• ??Lay evidence: Information from people who know the beneficiary, such as a relative, friend, or former employer. This evidence can help show how the beneficiary manages their funds and benefits.
• ??Medical evidence: A doctor's letter that explains the beneficiary's physical or mental limitations and how they affect their ability to work. &
• ??Court order: A new court order that shows the beneficiary is legally competent.
———-When documenting a capability determination, you should include:
• ??A conclusion that the beneficiary is capable or not
• ??The basis for your decision
• ??An explanation of how the evidence supports your decision o
You should not delay or suspend benefits while developing a capability determination unless the beneficiary meets specific criteria. You should also determine if you need to pay benefits directly to the beneficiary.
You will need to create a new bank account to receive his social security in your name when t out become his trustee. It’s easy.
----end of soc sec document in competency.
Now I need to sell his house and car…..fun times. My sister in law is a real estate agent though and I put all that into her hands.
Well now, I proof read that and That’s a lot of info and may be repetitive. But this is what I have done so far. This may cut a lot of corners for you and I hope it helps.
###This email was transcribed from a voice to text app by
Posted on 11/8/25 at 7:05 am to Napoleon
Does your dad do any stock trading through his phone?
Posted on 11/8/25 at 7:05 am to Napoleon
Couple of things I would do
Are we talking 7 plus figures?
*Go to estate planning attorney. They tend to listen to professionals more than their kids.
*Get POA.
*Call brokerage account managers. Let them know he’s slipping and to call you if anything questionable comes up. They will get on board because they don’t want to have him pull money. Send them copy of POA.
*If he’s got an iPhone, set up assistive access. Game changer for limiting scammers.
*Have him use same accountant for taxes.
*Get access to credit cards. Tell him his card was hacked, cancel, and get new card. This eliminates most recurring charges, you may need to block some from transferring to new card. Set up with you having access.
*Same for bank accounts. Set alerts for over certain amounts.
*Email. Tell him he was hacked and change password so you have access. If possible get new email address.
*Add 5 million dollar umbrella to his insurance to cover driving liability.
My dad passed away yesterday. He was 89. I did all the above in the last few years and was able to keep him safe and assets protected.
Good luck
Are we talking 7 plus figures?
*Go to estate planning attorney. They tend to listen to professionals more than their kids.
*Get POA.
*Call brokerage account managers. Let them know he’s slipping and to call you if anything questionable comes up. They will get on board because they don’t want to have him pull money. Send them copy of POA.
*If he’s got an iPhone, set up assistive access. Game changer for limiting scammers.
*Have him use same accountant for taxes.
*Get access to credit cards. Tell him his card was hacked, cancel, and get new card. This eliminates most recurring charges, you may need to block some from transferring to new card. Set up with you having access.
*Same for bank accounts. Set alerts for over certain amounts.
*Email. Tell him he was hacked and change password so you have access. If possible get new email address.
*Add 5 million dollar umbrella to his insurance to cover driving liability.
My dad passed away yesterday. He was 89. I did all the above in the last few years and was able to keep him safe and assets protected.
Good luck
Posted on 11/8/25 at 7:14 am to Guntoter1
quote:
I think I can solve your problem. Repeat this phrase to yourself three times “It’s not my money” “It’s not my money” “It’s not my money”
A good child is responsible for their parents in their old age. If the parents run out of money, the child should provide for them. Therefore the child should ensure the parents are using their money wisely once they don’t have the capability to do it themselves
Your kids will just stick you in the government run nursing home
Posted on 11/8/25 at 7:21 am to Guntoter1
quote:
I think I can solve your problem. Repeat this phrase to yourself three times “It’s not my money” “It’s not my money” “It’s not my money”
What an idiot
Posted on 11/8/25 at 8:09 am to Upperdecker
quote:
A good child is responsible for their parents in their old age. If the parents run out of money, the child should provide for them. Therefore the child should ensure the parents are using their money wisely once they don’t have the capability to do it themselves
Your kids will just stick you in the government run nursing home
Every time I tried to help my dad he just thought I was after his money.
I finally realized that my relationship with my dad was more important than his money.
If my dad loses everything i will still take care of him. I don't need his money to do that.
"A good child is responsible for their parents in their old age."
I did not say abandon your parents.
I said re-evaluate your motives then proceed.
This post was edited on 11/8/25 at 8:42 am
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