Mom is going to a nursing home (Updated pg 7)

This is the hard part of getting older. Hopefully your mom will adapt well.

I’m sorry man. I’m getting older and am lucky to have younger parents just now turning 60s and I’m almost 40, I decided to wait till middle age before having my first child just turned 1 year old. I am terrified my kids won’t really remember their grandmother and my mom. I fricked up.

Sucks bc she is super active white water rafting swims a lot tons of hiking bought a house on our favorite white water river that we had when I was a kid growing up and this is her prime time she wanted to spend with my kids and me, I think she is pretty disappointed in me but also happy that I’m finally settling down.


There is nothing you can do man, don’t hold yourself to a crazy standard you have a family you need to prioritize you also need to prior your dad and ensure he can function and have some enjoyment in life.

My conclusion is life just isn’t fair so make the best out of your situation.

Man, that sucks….but it is a part of all of our lives if we live long enough. It is important to remember that it is not jail and shouldn’t be thought of in that context. It is simply when a person needs more help than you can provide for her at home.

One suggestion…don’t leave her with a bunch of money or jewelry in the nursing home…stuff tends to go missing.

We begged my father to put mom in a facility for her safety. He would not. She fell for the 3rd time and died 2 months later. There comes a time when we are not physically able to take care of them. Sad situation. You've done the right thing.

My mother's quality of life improved temporarily when she went into the nursing home. . She couldn't take care of herself and my father was ruining his own health trying to care for her. A year later and he's still tired all the time.

If she has visitors every day she'll be better off than the overwhelming majority of residents. Just keep in mind that dementia is a one way journey and there's nothing you can do to stop it or slow it down much. At some point you will have to make a decision about whether fighting
every illness that comes along is doing the right thing. My mother only lasted four months before pneumonia took her. I thought we would have a couple of years but she was ready to go.

Another thing, it's hideously expensive. Get with a lawyer and/or financial planner who specializes in this ASAP.

It will be one of the hardest things you've ever done in your life, but she took care of you and now it's time to pay it back. Good luck brother.

Sounds like your family and yourself are doing all you can for her. There’s nothing not to be proud of. Visit her as often as you can, share lots of photos, talk about good memories. And hug her often. The thing I miss the most about my parents is being able to wrap my arms around them.

Does she have long term care insurance? If not you can sign her up on Medicaid. I had to with my mom in KY. There are ways of protecting her assets especially since your dad is still living. If you haven't already speak with an elder care attorney or an elder agency. The nursing home will wipe out everything if you let them. I could tell you some moves to make but only if you need me to.

Sorry to hear it but make sure you’ve vetted the place thoroughly. Don’t want to find your mom in a bind with crap attention from the staff.

Obviously you love your mom and are posting here as a way to cope with the angst you feel, even though you're doing everything possible. My mom is also getting up there in age and I'll be facing this along with my siblings in the near future.