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Has anyone here ever moved away from home after getting married and have kids?
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:01 am
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:01 am
My employer decided to relocate/centralize a portion of their employees to one location, and that location ended up being 12 hours from home.
This happened in the middle of an engagement, and my wife and I immediately moved after the wedding to take advantage of an early moving bonus. That was March 2020. We didn't have to move, but I would've been out of job to start off our marriage. I didn't want that.
Fastforward to January 2024, and she's/we are now pregnant. It's been an overflow of hormones and emotions for her, and now all of a sudden, she wants to be closer to home because "we have no one here to help us and our child won't get to know it's grandparents".
I find that thinking asinine and shortsighted. We both have great jobs and work schedules with great benefits that we will most definitely/significantly miss if we moved somewhere closer to home and "mom".
Anyone ever find themselves in a similar situation?
This happened in the middle of an engagement, and my wife and I immediately moved after the wedding to take advantage of an early moving bonus. That was March 2020. We didn't have to move, but I would've been out of job to start off our marriage. I didn't want that.
Fastforward to January 2024, and she's/we are now pregnant. It's been an overflow of hormones and emotions for her, and now all of a sudden, she wants to be closer to home because "we have no one here to help us and our child won't get to know it's grandparents".
I find that thinking asinine and shortsighted. We both have great jobs and work schedules with great benefits that we will most definitely/significantly miss if we moved somewhere closer to home and "mom".
Anyone ever find themselves in a similar situation?
75
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:02 am to finchmeister08
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:04 am to finchmeister08
My wife and I moved out of state before our first anniversary. Our children have never lived in our home state or in the same state as any family members. Hasn't been a problem and my kids are grown now.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:05 am to finchmeister08
quote:It may be a bad idea to move back for multiple reasons, but wanting to is neither asinine nor shortsighted.
I find that thinking asinine and shortsighted.
There are many valid reasons to go (you even highlighted some) that trump money.
You sound like a prick.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:05 am to finchmeister08
As a soon to be empty nester I’ll give my perspective.
-it’s great to have relatives close by to help with children
-don’t be surprised if your wife wants to become a full time caregiver within a year of the child being born
-your parents/her parents may not be around as long as you suspect, that time with them for both yourselves and the children is invaluable
-it’s great to have relatives close by to help with children
-don’t be surprised if your wife wants to become a full time caregiver within a year of the child being born
-your parents/her parents may not be around as long as you suspect, that time with them for both yourselves and the children is invaluable
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:06 am to finchmeister08
It does not matter how much logic you bring to the table. Your wife has already identified the lack and she will forever hold it over you if you die on this hill.
Good luck.
Good luck.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:07 am to finchmeister08
Where do y'all live? Where are y'all from?
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:09 am to Funky Tide 8
quote:
Where do y'all live?
Fort Wayne, IN
quote:
Where are y'all from?
Dothan, AL
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:12 am to finchmeister08
Yes and honestly looking back I am glad that we were not close to "home" when we had infants. Keeping relatives at arms reach helped us work out our own problems including relationship issues without having the fallback of running to mommy and daddy all the time. It also helped us set limits for certain things like holidays. No matter what we always did Thanksgiving day and Christmas morning at our own house. Looking back we are closer for having spend those types of special moments together as opposed to a larger group.
We also reached out more and made more friends instead on relying on parents or siblings for support.
I could go on but the gist of it is that I will always support distance from family certainly in the early years of starting a family.
We also reached out more and made more friends instead on relying on parents or siblings for support.
I could go on but the gist of it is that I will always support distance from family certainly in the early years of starting a family.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:13 am to finchmeister08
quote:
because "we have no one here to help us and our child won't get to know it's grandparents".
one of the most Louisiana things ever
not saying it's bad but I've never heard that anywhere else but Louisiana and I've heard it a ton from Louisiana girls ETA: I guess it's an Alabama thing too
This post was edited on 5/30/24 at 9:16 am
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:14 am to finchmeister08
Moved away from home for college. Stayed away from home after college to experience new things.
I’ve never once had a single desire to move back to Louisiana.
I’ve never once had a single desire to move back to Louisiana.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:14 am to finchmeister08
Sounds like your wife won’t ever be happy if yall do stay and that will lead to a miserable life for you both.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:15 am to finchmeister08
Don't underestimate having help with kids. My wife and I moved away from any family and had no help (both sides were equally worthless when it came to that anyway). It was HARD. At the end of the day, you have to work and make a living. But having a set of extra hands or two sure would've made things easier. Is probably nice for kids being able to bond with other family members as well.
This post was edited on 5/30/24 at 9:16 am
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:15 am to finchmeister08
Last thing you need are the inputs of sisters, Mothers, cousins and Aunts daily in her ear, manipulating decisions of your budding family.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:15 am to finchmeister08
My parents both grew up in the country but moved to a mid size town in Louisiana to work and raise their family.
Their kids (my sister and I) moved to a bigger towns to work and do the same.
It's just part of life, people migrate.
Their kids (my sister and I) moved to a bigger towns to work and do the same.
It's just part of life, people migrate.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:15 am to footswitch
quote:
Last thing you need are the inputs of sisters, Mothers, cousins and Aunts daily in her ear, manipulating decisions of your budding family.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:16 am to Dawgfanman
quote:
-it’s great to have relatives close by to help with children -don’t be surprised if your wife wants to become a full time caregiver within a year of the child being born -your parents/her parents may not be around as long as you suspect, that time with them for both yourselves and the children is invaluable
This. My wife is a doctor and all I do is her tell me that she wants to be a stay at home mom. We live close to her mom in a bonkers expensive part of the country. My thoughts are that if I wanted a stay at home wife then I would have married someone else and live somewhere else
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:17 am to finchmeister08
Sometimes people have to do hard things, and I have lived away from home my entire married life. You don't change your whole life just because you want a little comfort. Look into flying out some family to offer some relief, but I wouldn't make a total move just because my wife was pregnant and yearns for some family.
I was lucky as my wife is quite independent.
Just a manipulation sentence. Of course they will get to know their grandparents
I was lucky as my wife is quite independent.
quote:
our child won't get to know it's grandparents
Just a manipulation sentence. Of course they will get to know their grandparents
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:18 am to finchmeister08
Got married and moved wife up to DC where I was in school. Ended up moving to Virginia for a job, had both kids up there, no family help. Might have stayed but my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer when they were 5 and 2 so we moved back to LA. Sucks when they get sick and nobody to pick them up but you and wife but it’s nice raising kids without grandparents telling you what y’all should be doing all the time
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:19 am to finchmeister08
Yeah I joined the military. We made it work.
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