re: 12 Year Old Girl with BPD

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The fact of the matter is you cannot force someone to try and be a decent person if they are hellbent on doing the opposite. I never imagined things would get this bad. I cannot relate at all to her and her behavior, and neither can the rest of my family.

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Parents that haven't dealt with it don't understand. You feel like you are failing as a parent. And everyone that should be there to help you, won't.

I tell the story all the time. At 3 yrs old, we told our daughter to clean her room or else we were going to donate all her toys. She looked at us, went to the kitchen, and came back and handed us a trash bag. We packed up her toys and gave them away. You can't parent a child that does that.


We lived this with my oldest daughter. Finally, through a combination of medication, therapy, and the husband, she is a productive member of society. I know that this could change quickly, but for the last 5 years or so, she's been great.

If you don't have a good therapist, go get one. I'd also recommend a camp of some kind. Teen Challenge is a good one: LINK. There was a survival camp of some kind that we also looked into but never pulled the trigger on it. One of those were they are reconditioning the kid. Literally give them a cup, a spoon, and a blanket and leave them in the woods.

I'll be praying for you brother.

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She doesn't make friends because she is a pathological liar and general misfit. She starts new friendships but then they fizzle out because the other kid ends up not liking her very much.

She also is very unhygenic. I have to basically make her shower and brush her teeth/hair.

As far as hobbies goes, she doesn't do anything constructive. We have tried many times to get her to try different activities (soccer, piano, drama, volleyball) but it always ends prematurely or in disaster.

I am holding out hope, but the truth of the matter is right now she is basically evil. She can't be reasoned with. She will patronize you to avoid addressing anything substantial.

The fact of the matter is you cannot force someone to try and be a decent person if they are hellbent on doing the opposite. I never imagined things would get this bad. I cannot relate at all to her and her behavior, and neither can the rest of my family.

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You're describing something here, that to state the obvious requires long term care/hospitalization.

Now it's been many years since I've delt with this part of it and I don't know if the guidelines have changed or not. But for most insurances, once acute care has failed a certain number of times, long term benefits kick in (assuming they're a part of your health plan).

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She doesn't make friends because she is a pathological liar and general misfit. She starts new friendships but then they fizzle out because the other kid ends up not liking her very much.

She also is very unhygenic. I have to basically make her shower and brush her teeth/hair.

As far as hobbies goes, she doesn't do anything constructive. We have tried many times to get her to try different activities (soccer, piano, drama, volleyball) but it always ends prematurely or in disaster.

I am holding out hope, but the truth of the matter is right now she is basically evil. She can't be reasoned with. She will patronize you to avoid addressing anything substantial.

The fact of the matter is you cannot force someone to try and be a decent person if they are hellbent on doing the opposite. I never imagined things would get this bad. I cannot relate at all to her and her behavior, and neither can the rest of my family

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I haven't read all the post and pages but will respond to this. The hygiene thing is part of the depression. And also her having this at twelve. Even a girl her age that doesn't have this is going to drive you nuts. Unfortunately bipolar does get passed down. Not saying from you. But I am sure my dad was. And my daughter has it. I went through hell too when she was that age. But I could handle it better than her mom could.

Now she is almost 30 and doing great. But I also know what she is going through and know what triggers her. And vis a versa. At this age, therapy is needed so she can talk to someone. And please research anything you can find to understand this.