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re: 12 Year Old Girl with BPD

Posted on 4/29/24 at 2:04 pm to
Posted by Leotiger725
Member since Jan 2021
812 posts
Posted on 4/29/24 at 2:04 pm to
I thought about sending her to a military school, but that won't work.

She always has the nuclear option of threatening suicide, and she uses it very often.
Posted by bad93ex
Walnut Cove
Member since Sep 2018
27467 posts
Posted on 4/29/24 at 2:05 pm to
quote:

She always has the nuclear option of threatening suicide, and she uses it very often.



Lock up all medications and sharp objects in the house
Posted by Scruffy
Kansas City
Member since Jul 2011
72253 posts
Posted on 4/29/24 at 2:07 pm to
quote:

She always has the nuclear option of threatening suicide, and she uses it very often.
Yea, that is simply one more method of control.

The likelihood of it happening is probably very low, but no one could truly know that, therefore it is a very effective threat.

I wish you luck. I only see it from the ER side of things. I wish I had a better idea of how to help long term.
This post was edited on 4/29/24 at 2:08 pm
Posted by jdd48
Baton Rouge
Member since Jan 2012
22165 posts
Posted on 4/29/24 at 2:08 pm to
quote:

I thought about sending her to a military school, but that won't work.



She needs help from a qualified professionals, not forced discipline without help for the underlying cause. It may even require an extended stay in a facility.
Posted by PsychTiger
Member since Jul 2004
99520 posts
Posted on 4/29/24 at 2:23 pm to
quote:

She always has the nuclear option of threatening suicide, and she uses it very often.


Suicide threats are one of the key means of manipulation these patients use. Even with a therapist they will go an entire session without saying anything bad, but right before the session ends they will start talking about suicide which forces the therapist to stay with them and address it. With BPD you typically get more self-injury and other parasuicidal behavior than actual suicide attempts. For example, cutting their wrist so they bleed, but not cutting so deep that there is an actual threat to their life from it.

Disorders like this are a key reason I stick to evaluation and diagnosis and don't do therapy.
Posted by WeeWee
Member since Aug 2012
40221 posts
Posted on 4/29/24 at 6:36 pm to
quote:

I thought about sending her to a military school, but that won't work.


Military schools have actually shown to not be effective for kids with mental health issues. They are effective for lack of a better term average punk who does not have a father figure but not for real mental health issues.

quote:

She always has the nuclear option of threatening suicide, and she uses it very often.


It's mostly attention seeking behavior and they have no intent on actually doing it. I know a father whose daughter has BPD kept threatening suicide. He lost it one day and slide his deer knife across the kitchen counter to her and said "Go run a warm bath, take an aspirin, and remember to cut up your arm not across it (he must have just watched the first season of House of Cards). Oh and please tell your mother to text me if she needs anything from the mall. I am going to buy a new suit." He swears that she has not mentioned suicide again. He says that she is still out of control, but now she is just using sex to get attention. So I do not recommend that approach because what if on the <0.001% chance she actually does it then you will hate yourself. Hospitalization is a much better approach; you did the right thing getting her committed.
Posted by NoHoTiger
So many to kill, so little time
Member since Nov 2006
45757 posts
Posted on 4/29/24 at 6:53 pm to
quote:

I thought about sending her to a military school, but that won't work.

Check into residential treatment/school facilities. They will have people who specialize in the treatment.

Threatening suicide, and multiple attempts l, are textbook borderline behaviors. As are substance abuse and acting out sexually. If you set limits and boundaries, you MUST abide by them. Any crack and they will exploit it.

Unfortunately, many borderlines to end up committing suicide “accidentally.” Their intent is to attempt and get found in time to be saved, but sometimes their timing is off.

Get her into therapy with a specialist and make sure she stays med compliant. Don’t let her destroy your family. Oftentimes families are a casualty of the borderline. You and your wife need to always be on the same page.

I will tell you that we have a friend whose 18 yr old is a borderline. After many years and tears they are finally making some headway. Get your daughter into something she likes and can focus on. Our friend’s daughter has started baking. She is also holding a job.

Good luck.
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