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re: What do you do when grounding doesn't work?
Posted on 10/9/23 at 10:12 am to Bjorn Cyborg
Posted on 10/9/23 at 10:12 am to Bjorn Cyborg
quote:
s he a fun-loving kid that is respectful, but just likes to have a good time?
Is he an angry child that is mean or disrespectful?
He is a very, very well liked kid. He's also overall very happy, albeit sometimes stressed about grades. With the exception of two friends that were removed from his circle after the car-theft situation (one went to in-patient rehab and the other left to go to another school) His friends would be considered the popular boys, with girlfriends, nice homes, intact families, highly functioning kids. These are not the seemingly 'troubled' kids you would see in an afterschool special. He generally rolls over when he gets punished, but then he fricking does it again.
8
Posted on 10/9/23 at 10:17 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:
He is a very, very well liked kid. He's also overall very happy, albeit sometimes stressed about grades. With the exception of two friends that were removed from his circle after the car-theft situation (one went to in-patient rehab and the other left to go to another school) His friends would be considered the popular boys, with girlfriends, nice homes, intact families, highly functioning kids. These are not the seemingly 'troubled' kids you would see in an afterschool special. He generally rolls over when he gets punished, but then he fricking does it again.
Then I think you are over-reacting.
He certainly needs to have some consequences, and you don't want him to do anything dangerous, but this sounds like normal high school shenanigans to me.
Me, and all of my friend group, did all of those things and more and everyone turned out fine.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 10:26 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:Focus on this. What you are currently doing is not working. He is not getting the message. The "punishment" is not having any effect. You cannot keep doing the same thing and expecting different results
He generally rolls over when he gets punished, but then he fricking does it again.
You have to get on the same page with his father. The fact that the father seems to think its no big deal may be part of why the kid keeps doing it.
This could be about attention. I had a friend go through a similar situation, and he started taking his son on semi-annual trips, just the two of them, for a week at a time. They'd go out in the woods, hike and camp, with no cell phones or electronics. It really helped him reconnect with his son, and helped the son reconnect with him.
There are lots of good suggestions in this thread about making him get more involved with the family, too.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 10:59 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:
His friends would be considered the popular boys, with girlfriends, nice homes, intact families, highly functioning kids. These are not the seemingly 'troubled' kids you would see in an afterschool special. He generally rolls over when he gets punished, but then he fricking does it again.
Probably most of these kids don't have huge consequences and therefore keep doing the same stuff. He sounds just like my son was. Not horribly bad, but you don't want it getting worse.
And the more I read from mom, I think he isn't a really bad kid, just doing a lot of normal trouble stuff, but needs to realize he can't do this stuff. Testing boundaries in reasonably normal ways that teens do. I do think more positive attention and role modeling from dad might help as well. I'm sure he senses that dad doesn't think this is that big of a deal.
Parenting is hard. Sometimes you feel like you're punishing yourself as much as your child. Don't say anything you won't follow through with.
This post was edited on 10/9/23 at 11:06 am
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:06 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:
He is a very, very well liked kid. He's also overall very happy, albeit sometimes stressed about grades. With the exception of two friends that were removed from his circle after the car-theft situation (one went to in-patient rehab and the other left to go to another school) His friends would be considered the popular boys, with girlfriends, nice homes, intact families, highly functioning kids. These are not the seemingly 'troubled' kids you would see in an afterschool special. He generally rolls over when he gets punished, but then he fricking does it again.
Birds of a feather. Just saying.
It just sounds like he's testing boundaries at this point and y'all need to reconnect on a mutual respect level and have an open dialog.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:33 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:
He is a very, very well liked kid. He's also overall very happy, albeit sometimes stressed about grades. With the exception of two friends that were removed from his circle after the car-theft situation (one went to in-patient rehab and the other left to go to another school) His friends would be considered the popular boys, with girlfriends, nice homes, intact families, highly functioning kids. These are not the seemingly 'troubled' kids you would see in an afterschool special. He generally rolls over when he gets punished, but then he fricking does it again.
I knew countless people who were like this in high school, and that didn't keep them from fricking up very badly.
Not saying that its too late for your son or anything, but popularity and him being "happy" doesn't really mean shite with behavioral issues. Actually probably makes him more confident in his decisions to break the rules.
Don't get me wrong, its great that he isn't depressed, or a outcast, but you need to reel this shite in with him in a heavy-handed manner. Kids and teenagers don't understand how their actions can frick up their future. One wrong decision can turn into a lot of pain and suffering for him in the future, and he needs to have that drilled into his brain.
If he enters somewhere like LSU with his mindset, then you will be dealing with his shite for years, and probably waste a lot of money.
This post was edited on 10/9/23 at 11:35 am
Posted on 10/9/23 at 11:36 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:
These are not the seemingly 'troubled' kids you would see in an afterschool special.
quote:
one went to in-patient rehab
Posted on 10/9/23 at 1:47 pm to TigerBaitOohHaHa
FWIW - I got sent to the hospital at 15 for drinking an entire bottle of taaka at 105 lbs. I passed out in my own vomit. everyone knew me as the "2 beer queer".
I was grounded damn near a year. No phone. no Xbox. no friends on the weekends. only baseball practice. I would look forward to baseball everyday, and once practice ended i'd usually just go watch tv with the family.
what really got me the most was the fact I could never do anything with friends on the weekends.
I would say he's probably just going through that puberty phase when boys turn into shitheads. as long as he's still happy I think this will end once he's older.
I was grounded damn near a year. No phone. no Xbox. no friends on the weekends. only baseball practice. I would look forward to baseball everyday, and once practice ended i'd usually just go watch tv with the family.
what really got me the most was the fact I could never do anything with friends on the weekends.
I would say he's probably just going through that puberty phase when boys turn into shitheads. as long as he's still happy I think this will end once he's older.
Posted on 10/9/23 at 2:45 pm to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:The ones most likely to throw keggers when parents are gone.
His friends would be considered the popular boys, with girlfriends, nice homes, intact families, highly functioning kids
Does he have any money? If so, take it all from him. Don't let him out of the house except for school and you drive him and pick him up from there. No phone, no media, no electronics, no contact with friends besides during the school day.
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