16 reasons being child-free is awesome

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Having children, these days, is becoming less of an expectation and more of a choice – which is welcome news to everyone who decides having kids isn’t for them. Despite this, being child-free still seems to carry an air of mystery, with society presuming that reproducing is the obvious path for all women to take. Whilst having an ankle biter or two around will undoubtedly satisfy the maternal aspect of your personality (should you have one), deciding to live a child-free life is also highly under-rated.

1. Time
To relax, to travel, to exercise, to socialise, to do Open University degrees and fundraise for three-week hiking expeditions up Mount Kilimanjaro.

2. Small talk
For those who like talking about buggies and the best NCT groups in the area, fantastic. For those who’s conversational capacity stretches beyond that of success rates of the Gina Ford technique, something you’ll never have to endure being child-free.

3. Playdates
Which, to a parent, means three hours of chaos, mess and noise. To the child-free, an afternoon in a nice pub garden with adult conversation and a decent bottle of Sauvignon Blanc.

4. Sleep
If the rumours are true – you don’t get *any*.

5. Schedules
It’s naive to suggest that people without children don’t have to structure their day to some degree, but there is flexibility and the opportunity for last-minute spontaneity. Sprog yourself up and spontaneity means booking a summer holiday six months in advance instead of a year.

6. Holidays
Which don’t need to be taken outside of term time and therefore won’t require re-mortgaging your house to cover the price of the flights.

7. Children’s TV
Peppa Pig. Like waterboarding for the brain

8. Nice things
Aka things you can invest a decent amount of money in knowing there won’t be a picture of a spaceship in black biro added to them a week after purchase.

9. Swearing freely
So f**ing missed after having children.

10. Not having to pretend you find children’s activities enjoyable
Board games. Yawn.

11. It doesn’t take you three and a half hours to leave the house
Keys, phone, lippie … out.

12. Money
Something you have significantly more of as a person without children.

13. Weekends in Paris
That have been booked that morning.

14. Not having to be a responsible adult *all* of the time
Occasionally getting drunk on Jagerbombs and not making it home until Sunday morning because you’ve pulled and are lying in bed with someone whose surname you don’t know but has just given you three orgasms. *What every parent (secretly) dreams of*

15. Disneyland
What nightmares are made of.

16. There’s no shortage of kids in the world
Meaning that, despite being child-free yourself, you’re still the awesome auntie/uncle/godparent – and you can hand them back.

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