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I think I’ve identified the fictional character that embodies the modern Democratic Party

Posted on 8/21/20 at 3:59 pm
Posted by OMLandshark
Member since Apr 2009
108296 posts
Posted on 8/21/20 at 3:59 pm


It’s Grandpa Joe. First off it helps that their candidate is literally a Grandpa Joe. Secondly Grandpa Joe is the biggest mooch in cinematic history. In order to support his old arse, his daughter is serving triple shift at the laundromat and his grandson has to work his arse off as well and then come home and change his and his other grandparents bedpans. They’re forced to eat soggy cabbage because Grandpa Joe wants to have his smokes and lay in bed all day. Hey Grandpa, if you want your smokes, how about you get a fricking job? But no, I can mooch off my daughter and grandson, so why bother?

Then as soon as Charlie gets lucky enough to find a $5 bill before Grandpa Joe can find out about it and gets his Golden Ticket, Joe hops right the frick out of bed and starts tap dancing. Does he tell Charlie’s mom to go with him that he’d take her shift? No, and he doesn’t even ask the other grandparents, just says he’s going. Inconsiderate prick. “I never thought my life could be anything but catastrophe.” Hey Grandpa, maybe it wouldn’t have been if you got a fricking job, you deadbeat.

And then when he gets to the factory, he’s the most judgmental prick on the tour, and yes I’m including Veruca in that, and the second most entitled person on that tour. “What she needs is a good kick in the pants”, says the man that later steals from Wonka on two separate occasions. “Don’t worry Charlie, he can’t drink it all.” No Grandpa, I’m worried about Augustus falling in the river and drowning.

Charlie: Why won’t she listen to Mr Wonka?
Grandpa Joe: Because Charlie, she’s a nitwit.

*5 minutes later*

“Ignore Mr Wonka, let’s drink these Fizzy Lifting Drinks.”

Great lessons he’s teaching Charlie. Don’t bother reading the fine print, just halfass everything, and judge everyone around you who may be a marginally crappier person than you so you can feel better about yourself. “You're a crook. You're a cheat and a swindler! That's what you are!” Care to invest in a mirror Grandpa Joe? And then despite having one hell of a devil on his shoulder trying to convince Charlie to whore himself out to Slugworth, Charlie does the right thing in the end, hands over the Everlasting Gobstopper, and for his pure heart he gets the Chocolate Factory.... but that’s just secondary for Grandpa Joe, because his final line in the movie cements the type of man he is:

“...And me?”

It’s all about Grandpa Joe and what he wants. What a piece of shite Grandpa Joe is and perfect representation of the Democratic Party on almost all sides. “What’s in it for me, I can take what I want, consequences for my vile behavior be damned, and I can judge everyone who I remotely disagree with and not give two shits on what happens to them.” They should run a “Grandpa Joe” ad. Modern day equivalent:

“Grandpa, don’t you think we should stop burning down and robbing private businesses?”
“Don’t worry, Charlie, they’ve got insurance.”
This post was edited on 8/21/20 at 4:03 pm
Posted by timdonaghyswhistle
Member since Jul 2018
16285 posts
Posted on 8/21/20 at 4:00 pm to
Well done.
Posted by Yat27
Austin
Member since Nov 2010
8108 posts
Posted on 8/21/20 at 4:02 pm to
Upvoted
Posted by OmegaMan
Mobile, AL
Member since Sep 2018
984 posts
Posted on 8/21/20 at 4:03 pm to
Sometimes I think America’s best post on this board.
Posted by deeprig9
Unincorporated Ozora, Georgia
Member since Sep 2012
63989 posts
Posted on 8/21/20 at 4:04 pm to
This is a masterpiece. Did you steal it from reddit?
Posted by OMLandshark
Member since Apr 2009
108296 posts
Posted on 8/21/20 at 4:05 pm to
Took some inspiration from some clip I heard that was from the radio like 20 years ago, but a large portion came from OML’s noggin.
Posted by teke184
Zachary, LA
Member since Jan 2007
95368 posts
Posted on 8/21/20 at 4:06 pm to
Trump to Joe-

Posted by 4x4tiger
Louisiana
Member since Feb 2006
2836 posts
Posted on 8/21/20 at 4:06 pm to
Your post

Posted by PhillyTiger90
Member since Dec 2015
10684 posts
Posted on 8/21/20 at 4:07 pm to
Bookmarked

Well done
Posted by g650Tide
Georgia
Member since Feb 2013
923 posts
Posted on 8/21/20 at 4:08 pm to
In my eyes, pick either one of these: a pussy, a fat SJW, or a smug loser.

Posted by OMLandshark
Member since Apr 2009
108296 posts
Posted on 8/21/20 at 4:10 pm to
Insult to all 3 villains. They’re badass. Grandpa Joe and the Democrats are not.
Posted by ChexMix
Taste the Deliciousness
Member since Apr 2014
24956 posts
Posted on 8/21/20 at 4:10 pm to
Posted by ProjectP2294
South St. Louis city
Member since May 2007
70249 posts
Posted on 8/21/20 at 4:11 pm to
Willy Wonka kept slaves and experimented on children, and is still behind Grandpa Joe in the shittiest person rankings.
Posted by Douglas Quaid
Mars
Member since Mar 2010
4098 posts
Posted on 8/21/20 at 4:12 pm to
Posted by JinFL
Duuuval
Member since Oct 2004
3939 posts
Posted on 8/21/20 at 4:15 pm to
Grandpa Joe must of given you a down vote, that was damn good.
Posted by cheeznet
Member since Nov 2015
267 posts
Posted on 8/21/20 at 4:17 pm to
Bravo!!! Good Sir. Bravo!!!
Posted by OmegaMan
Mobile, AL
Member since Sep 2018
984 posts
Posted on 8/21/20 at 4:23 pm to
They were happy. What else were they going to do? They were born and bred to work in a candy factory.
Posted by GoAwayImBaitn
On an island in the marsh
Member since Jul 2018
2137 posts
Posted on 8/21/20 at 4:34 pm to
Out frickin standing
I love it
Posted by OMLandshark
Member since Apr 2009
108296 posts
Posted on 8/21/20 at 5:07 pm to
Thinking it through I think this would be a very good campaign ad. Show a bunch of people (For the sake of the commercial make them all white) throwing Molotov Cocktails at buildings, beating the crap out of business owners, and people running along the streets with stolen goods set to a dark rendition of “Pure Imagination”. A Charlie look alike runs up to his grandpa horrified and with a Grandpa Joe look alike looking back at him and then ending it.

“Grandpa, don’t you think we should stop burning down and robbing private businesses?”
“Don’t worry, Charlie, they’ve got insurance.”

Then have a voiceover say “Grandpa Joe will destroy your business”.
This post was edited on 8/21/20 at 5:10 pm
Posted by DesScorp
Alabama
Member since Sep 2017
6493 posts
Posted on 8/21/20 at 5:09 pm to
quote:

Sometimes I think America’s best post on this board.


We're America's arse!

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