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I think I’ve identified the fictional character that embodies the modern Democratic Party
Posted on 8/21/20 at 3:59 pm
Posted on 8/21/20 at 3:59 pm
It’s Grandpa Joe. First off it helps that their candidate is literally a Grandpa Joe. Secondly Grandpa Joe is the biggest mooch in cinematic history. In order to support his old arse, his daughter is serving triple shift at the laundromat and his grandson has to work his arse off as well and then come home and change his and his other grandparents bedpans. They’re forced to eat soggy cabbage because Grandpa Joe wants to have his smokes and lay in bed all day. Hey Grandpa, if you want your smokes, how about you get a fricking job? But no, I can mooch off my daughter and grandson, so why bother?
Then as soon as Charlie gets lucky enough to find a $5 bill before Grandpa Joe can find out about it and gets his Golden Ticket, Joe hops right the frick out of bed and starts tap dancing. Does he tell Charlie’s mom to go with him that he’d take her shift? No, and he doesn’t even ask the other grandparents, just says he’s going. Inconsiderate prick. “I never thought my life could be anything but catastrophe.” Hey Grandpa, maybe it wouldn’t have been if you got a fricking job, you deadbeat.
And then when he gets to the factory, he’s the most judgmental prick on the tour, and yes I’m including Veruca in that, and the second most entitled person on that tour. “What she needs is a good kick in the pants”, says the man that later steals from Wonka on two separate occasions. “Don’t worry Charlie, he can’t drink it all.” No Grandpa, I’m worried about Augustus falling in the river and drowning.
Charlie: Why won’t she listen to Mr Wonka?
Grandpa Joe: Because Charlie, she’s a nitwit.
*5 minutes later*
“Ignore Mr Wonka, let’s drink these Fizzy Lifting Drinks.”
Great lessons he’s teaching Charlie. Don’t bother reading the fine print, just halfass everything, and judge everyone around you who may be a marginally crappier person than you so you can feel better about yourself. “You're a crook. You're a cheat and a swindler! That's what you are!” Care to invest in a mirror Grandpa Joe? And then despite having one hell of a devil on his shoulder trying to convince Charlie to whore himself out to Slugworth, Charlie does the right thing in the end, hands over the Everlasting Gobstopper, and for his pure heart he gets the Chocolate Factory.... but that’s just secondary for Grandpa Joe, because his final line in the movie cements the type of man he is:
“...And me?”
It’s all about Grandpa Joe and what he wants. What a piece of shite Grandpa Joe is and perfect representation of the Democratic Party on almost all sides. “What’s in it for me, I can take what I want, consequences for my vile behavior be damned, and I can judge everyone who I remotely disagree with and not give two shits on what happens to them.” They should run a “Grandpa Joe” ad. Modern day equivalent:
“Grandpa, don’t you think we should stop burning down and robbing private businesses?”
“Don’t worry, Charlie, they’ve got insurance.”
This post was edited on 8/21/20 at 4:03 pm
Posted on 8/21/20 at 4:03 pm to OMLandshark
Sometimes I think America’s best post on this board.
Posted on 8/21/20 at 4:04 pm to OMLandshark
This is a masterpiece. Did you steal it from reddit?
Posted on 8/21/20 at 4:05 pm to deeprig9
Took some inspiration from some clip I heard that was from the radio like 20 years ago, but a large portion came from OML’s noggin.
Posted on 8/21/20 at 4:08 pm to OMLandshark
In my eyes, pick either one of these: a pussy, a fat SJW, or a smug loser.
Posted on 8/21/20 at 4:10 pm to g650Tide
Insult to all 3 villains. They’re badass. Grandpa Joe and the Democrats are not.
Posted on 8/21/20 at 4:11 pm to OMLandshark
Willy Wonka kept slaves and experimented on children, and is still behind Grandpa Joe in the shittiest person rankings.
Posted on 8/21/20 at 4:15 pm to OMLandshark
Grandpa Joe must of given you a down vote, that was damn good.
Posted on 8/21/20 at 4:17 pm to OMLandshark
Bravo!!! Good Sir. Bravo!!!
Posted on 8/21/20 at 4:23 pm to ProjectP2294
They were happy. What else were they going to do? They were born and bred to work in a candy factory.
Posted on 8/21/20 at 4:34 pm to OMLandshark
Out frickin standing
I love it
I love it
Posted on 8/21/20 at 5:07 pm to GoAwayImBaitn
Thinking it through I think this would be a very good campaign ad. Show a bunch of people (For the sake of the commercial make them all white) throwing Molotov Cocktails at buildings, beating the crap out of business owners, and people running along the streets with stolen goods set to a dark rendition of “Pure Imagination”. A Charlie look alike runs up to his grandpa horrified and with a Grandpa Joe look alike looking back at him and then ending it.
“Grandpa, don’t you think we should stop burning down and robbing private businesses?”
“Don’t worry, Charlie, they’ve got insurance.”
Then have a voiceover say “Grandpa Joe will destroy your business”.
“Grandpa, don’t you think we should stop burning down and robbing private businesses?”
“Don’t worry, Charlie, they’ve got insurance.”
Then have a voiceover say “Grandpa Joe will destroy your business”.
This post was edited on 8/21/20 at 5:10 pm
Posted on 8/21/20 at 5:09 pm to OmegaMan
quote:
Sometimes I think America’s best post on this board.
We're America's arse!
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