> Excerpts from a Dog's Diary
>
> 8:00 am Dog food! My favorite thing!
> 9:30 am A car ride! My favorite thing!
> 9:40 am A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
> 10:30am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
> 12:00pm Lunch! My favorite thing!
> 1:00 pm Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
> 3:00 pm Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
> 5:00 pm Milk bones! My favorite thing!
> 7:00 pm Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
> 8:00 pm Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
> 11:00 pm Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
>
> Excerpts from a Cat's Diary
>
> Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
> little
> dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other
> inmates
> and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my
> contempt
> for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in
> order
> to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream
> of
> escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the
> carpet.
>
> Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
> feet.
> I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
> demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
> condescending
> comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!
> There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
> placed
> in
> solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could
> hear
> the
> noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to
> the
> power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it
> to my
> advantage.
>
> Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
> tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
> this
> again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the
> other
> prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special
> privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than
> willing to
> return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant.
> I
> observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he
> reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for
> him
> in
> an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...