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re: Why is Forgiving Yourself so Hard?
Posted on 3/15/16 at 12:02 am to TigerFanInSouthland
Posted on 3/15/16 at 12:02 am to TigerFanInSouthland
quote:
Any tips on just forgiving yourself?
As a Christian I have to remind myself that if God has forgiven all the sins I've committed....what makes me so special that I'm somehow above God and unable to forgive all the sins I've committed?
I know the struggle though. I made some really bad decisions in my 20s that I still sometimes think of and feel horrible about. If I think about it too much it's like I'm right back to when it was happening and I will feel all the emotions and stress and self loathing associated with it. You can't change the past....all you can do is use your failures to grow stronger as a person and let it humble you.
0
Posted on 3/15/16 at 12:06 am to TigerFanInSouthland
quote:
Maybe, which I guess is why I'm beating myself up over it.
Probably. If you're not running out of friends to ask for bail money, or missing work/school regularly you're probably OK
Posted on 3/15/16 at 12:07 am to RogerTheShrubber
Haha nah hasn't gotten to that point. Just a dumb mistake that I need to move on from. Live and learn.
Posted on 3/15/16 at 12:07 am to TigerFanInSouthland
If you are Catlick, say a few hell mary's and don't eat meat on Friday. Then you be good again.
But seriously, if you feel guilty about something, know that that's a good thing. If you fricked up and you don't feel bad about it, that is when you need to worry.
If you are a Christian, know that you are already forgiven. Sleep well knowing that you are free in Christ.
If you aren't a Christian, find a woman and frick the pain away. Guilt is for suckers. What you are feeling is shame. It's the condescending, holier-than-thou assholes that make you feel shame. Get away from those folks and start to hang around with people who support your "poor" choices and the shame will go away.
But seriously, if you feel guilty about something, know that that's a good thing. If you fricked up and you don't feel bad about it, that is when you need to worry.
If you are a Christian, know that you are already forgiven. Sleep well knowing that you are free in Christ.
If you aren't a Christian, find a woman and frick the pain away. Guilt is for suckers. What you are feeling is shame. It's the condescending, holier-than-thou assholes that make you feel shame. Get away from those folks and start to hang around with people who support your "poor" choices and the shame will go away.
This post was edited on 3/15/16 at 12:13 am
Posted on 3/15/16 at 12:08 am to TigerFanInSouthland
quote:
Just a dumb mistake that I need to move on from. Live and learn.
It'll look better a few years down the road.
Posted on 3/15/16 at 12:09 am to TigerFanInSouthland
Whitney Houston did cocaine and she turned out alright. Same with Johnny football. I wouldn't worry about it
Posted on 3/15/16 at 12:13 am to TigerFanInSouthland
quote:
Just a dumb mistake that I need to move on from.
On the plus side....that mistake didn't kill you or land you in jail or seriously hurt a loved one. Sometimes adopting a "it could always be worse" way of thinking will help your sanity when you start being really hard on yourself.
Good luck
Posted on 3/15/16 at 12:13 am to TigerFanInSouthland
Think about if it were a good friend who did it. Would you find him unforgivable and/or unlovable?
No? (Hopefully that's the answer because no one is perfect and it doesn't sound like you're majorly fricking up.) Then why shouldn't you be?
I get it though. My therapist asks me this question every week
No? (Hopefully that's the answer because no one is perfect and it doesn't sound like you're majorly fricking up.) Then why shouldn't you be?
I get it though. My therapist asks me this question every week
Posted on 3/15/16 at 12:15 am to TigerFanInSouthland
I've basically quit drinking. I feel so much better. I also started going to back to church again. I haven't been this happy in over a decade. No more hangovers, no more night sweats, saving money, sleeping better, lost some weight, etc..
Posted on 3/15/16 at 12:16 am to TigerFanInSouthland
Got news for you man, getting drunk and doing lines isn't that bad. I've done way worse and not been remorseful. Quit worrying about shite and life will be a lot easier
Posted on 3/15/16 at 12:17 am to TigerFanInSouthland
Posted on 3/15/16 at 12:21 am to Hammertime
quote:
Got news for you man, getting drunk and doing lines isn't that bad. I've done way worse and not been remorseful. Quit worrying about shite and life will be a lot easier
Maybe not for you, Hammer. But I didn't like myself when I was doing that all the time. So I haven't been doing it at all (minus the drinking, I still drink)
Your version of right and wrong is different than mine.
Eta: and I know in hindsight it's not really that bad. But for me, right now it wasn't the right choice I should've made.
This post was edited on 3/15/16 at 12:24 am
Posted on 3/15/16 at 12:22 am to Hammertime
quote:
I've done way worse and not been remorseful.
Oh yeah. Sometimes it will come back briefly and I'll cringe, but I'm not going to let past stuff drag me down.
Posted on 3/15/16 at 12:27 am to TigerFanInSouthland
AA meetings are a good place to start. When I first started going it was court mandated but I continued to go after I wasn't required to attend. I felt so much better about my life and how blessed I was compared to a number of people I met in there.
Posted on 3/15/16 at 12:32 am to TigerFanInSouthland
quote:
Why is Forgiving Yourself so Hard?
Because I'm an a-hole. frick me and frick you for reminding me how much I suck.
Posted on 3/15/16 at 12:43 am to TigerFanInSouthland
I think it's time you start listening to your own advice and actually putting it into action. If you feel this remourseful about what you've done, and you continue to do it, it might be time for a change. Maybe stop hanging around those people that are enabling the problem. Maybe start listening to those who love you and want what's best for you. As someone already mentioned earlier, maybe going back to church and looking back to your faith. Don't dwell on the past. It's over and done with and nothing you can do will change it. It's time to move on from it. If you can't accept that, you won't ever be able to forgive yourself. Bottom line is, if you don't like something about yourself, but only do the minimum to change it, you're probably going to do it again. You have to WANT to change and be willing to make those changes and never look back. I'm sure you've heard that before. Just my 2 cents...
Posted on 3/15/16 at 12:49 am to TigerFanInSouthland
You haven't hit rock bottom, you'll do it again.
Posted on 3/15/16 at 12:50 am to RollTide1987
quote:
a sociopathic narcissist so it's very difficult for me to relate.
You can't even be one of those unless I say so.
Posted on 3/15/16 at 12:51 am to TigerFanInSouthland
I'm mean what did you do spend like 4K on some blow? Or just get a little? If it's just a little forget about it and move on. If it's more than a one night thing and just had a good time then ask yourself why. Either way just move on. It's not too big of a deal. At least it wasn't heroin
Posted on 3/15/16 at 1:20 am to TigerFanInSouthland
Cognitive dissonance sucks. Even when you ask God for forgiveness (and He does forgive), you still beat yourself up.
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