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Started By
Message
re: Why do people cheat?
Posted on 4/19/18 at 4:11 pm to fr33manator
Posted on 4/19/18 at 4:11 pm to fr33manator
Dear Penthouse: A fr33mantor Retrospective.
0
Posted on 4/19/18 at 4:11 pm to fr33manator
You sound like you’ve cheated or been cheated on bro.
Posted on 4/19/18 at 4:11 pm to fr33manator
The inner workings of an addict.. or some catchy title like that.. that would be hit seller material I assure you.
Posted on 4/19/18 at 4:14 pm to RaeMac22
quote:
Not so lucky for me, I have to explain it to my child.
How old is your kid?
If they are young, don’t explain anything. Just tell them you and mommy love them but you aren’t together anymore. If they ask why then tell them that mommy will tell them when they are older.
Despite how our spouse may have hurt us it doesn’t do any good to poison them against the other.
Be an adult about it. They’ll figure it out once they get older. Let them hang on to their innocence as long as they can.
Posted on 4/19/18 at 4:16 pm to RaeMac22
Really? This was just discussed a couple days ago! I'm confident the replies wont change.
Posted on 4/19/18 at 4:17 pm to The Pirate King
You pick up on nuances and subtleties that would leave Freud confounded.
Posted on 4/19/18 at 4:17 pm to fr33manator
This. Let the kids be kids, they may hate you or her or both. But they'll get it one day if they aren't dumb.
Posted on 4/19/18 at 4:29 pm to The Pirate King
quote:
You sound like you’ve cheated or been cheated on bro.
I’ve traced both sides of that coin in detail.
Being cheated on happened first. Broke me. Destroyed me.
Honestly though I’m better for it. She told me she didn’t love me, never loved me and didn’t respect me. In a 6 month span I had every aspect of my life destroyed and if it wasn’t for my kids I may have just called it quits.
But somehow I made it through the maelstrom and learned what I didn’t want. I was never going to be in that situation again.
And I told myself I would never do that.
And then...well, life happened. I had started going out to the bars and the clubs. Putting myself out there again. Meeting women and having fun and finding myself sexually.
Learning what I liked and what women liked and that, even though my ex had emasculated me, there wasn’t anything wrong with me.
Women liked the things I could do. The sex life in my past relationship was a combination of her issues (which are another pickle altogether) and my own lack of confidence.
Being told “you’ve got a nice natural setup and know how to use it” is a real confidence booster.
But going out and just losing that fear...not letting being turned down discourage you...you meet some interesting women.
You learn that a little ring of gold and carbon isn’t much in the onslaught of chemistry.
Even iron wills turn to rust.
Married women, out at the bars...looking for fun.
At first I resisted them.
Then...when she straight up tells you, “i’ve Got a husband at home. I just want to be fricked tonight.”
God what an eye opener.
It rips the bandaid off.
And then the thrill of that wild, wanton, unbridled sex. Just raw passion. Look, it’s incredibly hot. That’s why it starts to get easy.
And then when you’re lonely, and that girl from school you hadn’t seen in years dances with you at a wedding because her husband won’t dance with her...and then months later she hits you up to chat...and unloads her relationship problems on you...and then the flirting...
And I mean, it’s only texting and fantasy, right?
Until it gets real...
Man, i’ve Gone on too long. You get the picture. It’s baby steps until you look back and realize you’re already off the cliff.
Posted on 4/19/18 at 4:32 pm to fr33manator
Just to clarify.. I’m mommy.. he cheated, not me. She’s old enough to ask questions, but I would never tell her what happened.. I just meant now I have to explain why things are going to be different. I never really posted or read anything on here much. I see a lot of people are tired of this question so I’m assuming I’m one of many. I really just needed to see if anyone could or would give an honest answer.. in our scenario there was no lack of affection/attention given (on my part.. much lacking on his), there was no belittling from either party. We had a lot of good times, but when the work got stressful or life got stressful he needed an escape I guess. I think for him it would fall under the “insecurity” category. It’s hard to imagine the person you vowed to spend your life with could really be someone you never really knew.. but it happens. I never thought I would be that statistic.. but here I am barely 30 and on my way to divorce. I don’t hate him though. Wish I could. I hope he finds what he was looking for. Like I said from the beginning.. no judging to those who have cheated.. I just don’t think I could ever hurt someone like that... becuase let me tell you, if I were weaker I would probably implode.
Posted on 4/19/18 at 4:36 pm to RaeMac22
Men cheat Bc vagina is magical
And Bc their wives got fat.
I can’t speak to why women cheat. Women are retarded so who knows.
And Bc their wives got fat.
I can’t speak to why women cheat. Women are retarded so who knows.
This post was edited on 4/19/18 at 4:37 pm
Posted on 4/19/18 at 4:37 pm to RaeMac22
quote:
If you have cheated on someone did you regret it?
Not really. The cheating was meaningless one night hookups, and the girl I was cheating on I knew I wasn't going to marry anyway.
I dont like to be the one to do the breaking up, so when I was younger I would use cheating as an easy out.
Posted on 4/19/18 at 4:37 pm to fr33manator
quote:
A comment on how pretty they are, or someone picking up on their frustration, just any little thing that opens the door to discussing the problems in their current relationship. From there they'll spill their guts until they say "that was too much information" or "I shouldn't have said all that." Which really translates to "give me affirmation on how I am right so I can keep going down this road."
From there the conversations will get deeper and deeper and eventually stray into flirting and mentally, they've already cheated. Might take some time to line up the physical aspect but the mental block is the one that they have to get over.
Do ya'll think co-workers who share deep relationship feelings and or problems about their spouses at work with a co-worker of the opposite sex is cheating? What about if they go grab a "working lunch" but really are discussing personal issues. Is this cheating?
Posted on 4/19/18 at 4:38 pm to Green Chili Tiger
quote:
There are three types of cheaters. At least when it comes to guys.
There's the ones in a shitty relationship that they just don't have the balls to end.
The ones that are secretly so insecure that they're always looking for their next score to make themselves feel better,
And the ones that don't chase it, but just can't say no when offered.
Ive been all 3 at one point or another.
Posted on 4/19/18 at 4:38 pm to RaeMac22
quote:
Just to clarify.. I’m mommy.. he cheated, not me
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh...plot twist.
And i’m sorry.
I never once cheated on my wife. But...now that I look back, being honest, I was incredibly unhappy and unfulfilled in a sexless marriage.
And if a woman had come on to me...I probably would have eventually caved. Especially because I hadn’t experienced that rush.
I think men cheat for different reasons.
Sometimes we just want some strange, and it can just be sex. Sometimes it’s the companionship.
quote:
I never thought I would be that statistic.. but here I am barely 30 and on my way to divorce
I never did either. I was 27 when it happened and my son was a month old.
But i’m telling you now, it gets better and it gets easier and there are other people out there
Posted on 4/19/18 at 4:39 pm to Fishwater
If you wouldn’t want your spouse to hear it, see it or read it.. it’s cheating
Posted on 4/19/18 at 4:41 pm to Fishwater
quote:
Do ya'll think co-workers who share deep relationship feelings and or problems about their spouses at work with a co-worker of the opposite sex is cheating? What about if they go grab a "working lunch" but really are discussing personal issues. Is this cheating?
Nope not cheating. Those are just the first two steps towards cheating.
Words of wisdom: Never dip you pen in the company ink.
Posted on 4/19/18 at 4:44 pm to Fishwater
quote:
Do ya'll think co-workers who share deep relationship feelings and or problems about their spouses at work with a co-worker of the opposite sex is cheating?
Not always, but it’s the first step. Developing an emotional connection with someone else can definitely lead to more, especially if there is chemistry.
I have a friend, a mom of my kids’ friends, and things are getting murky already. She’s engaged and there’s chemistry and we’ve both acknowledged it but I had to be clear with her, it ain’t happening. She’s very attractive, but i’m Not going down that road again. It takes a toll on your soul.
Posted on 4/19/18 at 4:45 pm to fr33manator
I know it will get better.. I know I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t get fat, i never said no in the bedroom, I never stopped trying to keep that spark. I was faithful, always. When approached by men, I shut it down. I think it’s something missing in him, or something is broken..and I just have to accept I can’t fix him. It’s unfortunate.. but it’s reality.
Posted on 4/19/18 at 4:49 pm to RaeMac22
quote:good luck to you
RaeMac22
Posted on 4/19/18 at 4:50 pm to RaeMac22
quote:
something is broken..and I just have to accept I can’t fix him.
It was always so hard to understand the female idea of "fixing him". Most of the time those efforts to fix him just enabled more bad behavior. That's just my observation.
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