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re: What was the lowest/darkest/toughest time in ur life & how did u pull yourself out of it?
Posted on 9/6/19 at 8:43 pm to lsunurse
Posted on 9/6/19 at 8:43 pm to lsunurse
Mine was going through a divorce, setting up house and completing raising my two children after their mother walked, while trying to maintain most of professional obligations (which didn't work out in certain aspects either. Major task was getting the kids back on speaking terms with their mother. A couple of years later, laid off from a 28 year career (got back with another hospital seven months later. Shortly after resuming my career, I had one hell of an accident (about 6 yrs back) and am still trying to recover from that. Screw the money, I just wanted to be able to walk without assistance or pain again. Then I had to deal with my two children getting out on their own (empty nest). Dealt successfully with tongue cancer myself. Friendship circle has dwindled down to nothing as friends are either dying off or suffering with Alzheimer’s or final stage cancer. In fact, I am attending one of those friend's funeral (brain and lung cancer).
Long story short, I have been in a dark place since the divorce. It just get's harder and the hole deeper. Years of meds and therapy have only slightly touched it. I lost faith back at the divorce as the spouse was in an affair with a couple of male ministers as well as one female one. That pretty much soured me on the church. Even changing from United Methodist to Episcopal denomination didn't help. Interestingly, I am a licensed behavioral healthcare clinician and work well with my patients. Probably the only time I enjoy, other than playing with the dog. By my own admission, I prioritized my kids' emotional health and daily functioning ahead of my own needs. Even during adolescence kids are traumatized by divorce. I have no regrets about how I stood by them.
I am hoping to get one knee surgery done late this fall, and am planning to retire from the day job at the end of January. The job being 24/7 does not allow for much of a life, and certainly not a social life. So I am hoping that I will make myself some opportunities to get out to do some things I like, as well as to socialize some. Options are quite limited in your mid-60's.
Long story short, I have been in a dark place since the divorce. It just get's harder and the hole deeper. Years of meds and therapy have only slightly touched it. I lost faith back at the divorce as the spouse was in an affair with a couple of male ministers as well as one female one. That pretty much soured me on the church. Even changing from United Methodist to Episcopal denomination didn't help. Interestingly, I am a licensed behavioral healthcare clinician and work well with my patients. Probably the only time I enjoy, other than playing with the dog. By my own admission, I prioritized my kids' emotional health and daily functioning ahead of my own needs. Even during adolescence kids are traumatized by divorce. I have no regrets about how I stood by them.
I am hoping to get one knee surgery done late this fall, and am planning to retire from the day job at the end of January. The job being 24/7 does not allow for much of a life, and certainly not a social life. So I am hoping that I will make myself some opportunities to get out to do some things I like, as well as to socialize some. Options are quite limited in your mid-60's.
1
Posted on 9/6/19 at 8:46 pm to RudeCats
The day my sister was killed it ruined me. For about 3 or so years. It was my way of dealing with it. Eventually I just got out of my funk and moved on.
It's been 8 years since.
It's been 8 years since.
Posted on 9/6/19 at 8:46 pm to damnedoldtigah
quote:
I am a licensed behavioral healthcare clinician
We're usually the worst at taking care of ourselves. How things get better for you man. I never really had much faith in church related things, but I'm finding what I need from a more spiritual approach.
Posted on 9/6/19 at 8:53 pm to EarlyCuyler3
Unfortunately, no. Have some days where I redo my schedule and just lay on the bed. The only reason I get up to go to the kitchen is to feed my dog. Otherwise, I would be in the back of the house most of the time. There are days when even getting up to make coffee is a challenge.
I know there are others who have it worse, but that's where I am for now. I seem to be able to help everyone else with their stuff but when it comes to mine, there is virtually no support system. Kids are out of town.
I know there are others who have it worse, but that's where I am for now. I seem to be able to help everyone else with their stuff but when it comes to mine, there is virtually no support system. Kids are out of town.
Posted on 9/6/19 at 8:59 pm to NWarty
quote:
I just celebrated two years of sobriety yesterday.
After my second deployment in 2009, I developed a heavy drinking problem, consuming 14-18 beers per night, every single night, 365, for 8 years straight. Short stretches of not drinking we’re involuntary due to Uncle Sam. I didn’t want to live anymore, or rather just numb everything. I wasn’t going to die by my own hand, so I chose alcohol to do it for me.
I came out of the closet in March, 2017. I wasn’t planning to that evening. It happened while having drinks on the patio with my wife. I sat there in silence for a minute, when my body started Into choking sobs and tears. I couldn’t control my thoughts and words, ugly crying in a way I had never done. I came out to my wife as trans after dealing with it for nearly 35 years.
I quit smoking two packs a day, cold turkey on July 5th.
I quit drinking cold turkey on July 31st.
I retired from the Army, September 2018.
I’m still here. Sober, happy, at peace. Transitioning is the hardest thing that I’ve ever gone through. I am still married. My sons still love me, my family still loves me. My friends are still around and supportive. I am blessed and incredibly fortunate.
I know some of y’all don’t understand or agree with what I am. I’m trying to live my life just like everyone else.
Good on you, man.
I'd say of my three lowest points, two of them are definitely military-related. Was called to the scene of the aftermath of a roadside bomb where a popular medic in our unit had had his spinal cord sliced in two by ball bearings packed into the bomb. That was Memorial Day weekend as well and happened at a certain bridge where we'd had a lot of trouble throughout the whole deployment.
A few years later, I only had about four or five months left before I was getting out, and one of my best friends in the Army and old roommate killed himself. He was in a SOCOM unit at the time and had just come back from his third Afghanistan deployment. He was a superstar and was definitely on the fast track to some super spooky black ops shite or getting stars on his shoulders.
Being in a combat arms unit will tear you up if you're not careful.
Posted on 9/6/19 at 9:06 pm to EarlyCuyler3
I do attempt to do the spiritual approach thing at times via Buddhism. Odd thing, when I was going through the divorce not one of those bastards reached out. When talking to the then Senior Minister about the divorce, his only reply was "I'm sorry." I was playing piano on a volunteer basis for an older Sunday School class. There were times that I could not be there timely due to spending time with my children when they came in from college on late Saturday evenings so things were a little rushed. I had already stopped attending services. Next thing I know, the folks in that class get snippy about my not being there exactly when they wanted me - which I hade never agreed to in the first place. After that one public undressing, I told them that I quit as my kids were more important. In spite of what I was going through the church just kept asking me for more, and at that time I was seriously in need of knowing that someone cared. They didn't. When my mother died, they called me to ask if we needed any food. I tactfully responded that the time I was really in need was when the divorce happened and no one bothered (silence on the other end of the phone line). As for food, I could afford a spread for our guests and did that. Lesson I took from that was that when some churches want something bad enough they don't care who they mow down to get it. As long as it is done in the name of Jesus, it's ok. I walked away. Tried once more in a different church and denomination and still couldn't regain faith. Consequently, I walked away.
Posted on 3/31/22 at 10:33 am to 187undercover
Don't know if you will ever see this but I sure hope that you do I am a jeana's Foster aunt. And I want you to know that her little girl is with a wonderful wonderful family and I hear news on her every once in awhile and the last I heard she is doing great. Thank you for loving our Jean, it may have been only for a short time but you gave her some happiness and I'm so thankful for that.
Posted on 3/31/22 at 11:32 am to RudeCats
im 25 and often catch myself wondering if i fricked up not getting a finance or law degree. but im 25. i can do whatever tf I want once i pay off my current tuition debt. there's good days and bad. just shake off the bad days. work out. when you see changes to your body, it's a great feeling.
chasing women is not a great idea IMO. i went through a year of going on lots of dates and it never going anywhere - just wasted $.
let your life play out. i believe in everything happens for a reason. just have to stay positive and remember the small wins everyday (closed a deal at work, knocked out all your chores/meal preps, hit a new PR in the weight room, etc.)
life is what you make it!
good luck baw
chasing women is not a great idea IMO. i went through a year of going on lots of dates and it never going anywhere - just wasted $.
let your life play out. i believe in everything happens for a reason. just have to stay positive and remember the small wins everyday (closed a deal at work, knocked out all your chores/meal preps, hit a new PR in the weight room, etc.)
life is what you make it!
good luck baw
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