re: What is you favorite article from the Onion?

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CHICAGO–His flight from O'Hare to LaGuardia delayed more than six hours, Hamas militant and would-be suicide bomber Nidal Hanani vowed never again to fly United Airlines. "I do not have time for this," said Hanani, seated at a Burger King in Concourse C, a plastic-explosives-filled duffel bag at his feet. "My jihad against the West was supposed to be carried out shortly after takeoff at 8:35 this morning. It is now 2:50 p.m. How much longer must I sit around this airport like an idiot before God's will is done?"

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"The bile churns within me, I am so outraged," Hanani said. "I go to the ticket counter, and the females wearing men's clothing tell me, 'We can put you on standby and try to get you on a 4 p.m. flight.' Why do they say this word, 'try'? I did not buy a ticket for a 4 p.m. flight. I buy a ticket for a 8:35 a.m. flight."

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One problem Hanani has not encountered is interference from O'Hare security. When Flight 225 finally does take off, the fundamentalist's bomb, disguised as a piece of geological research equipment, is expected to kill all 300-plus passengers and crew members.

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