re: To the guy who posted feeling hopeless

My advice as a woman is:

Therapists can’t officially diagnose you. Please find a doctor and better therapist. Have you recently had bloodwork for a physical done? It sounds like you have depression which could be something as simple as your thyroids being off.
I’m really sorry you’re having a tough time, but please hang in there! Most of this nonsense is meaningless and temporary. I’m the same age as you, and I’ve never been married either. It doesn’t mean it won’t happen! You’re still young, and just have to meet one special person. You’re a guy so you still have plenty of time to become a father.
As a single woman, I can tell you why you’re most likely struggling with dating. You need to be in a positive, happy mindset. You’re not going to attract the right person if you’re in a dark, sad place mentally/physically/emotionally. I can sense your mood through this message so women can sense it in person. Don’t be so hard on yourself. I’m sure you have a lot to offer someone.
Try to focus on what you can control and what your blessings are. This post alone has you focused on nothing but the bad. Forget that and focus on what’s going right. Be grateful for the small things-you can see, hear, walk, don’t have cancer, have food to eat, etc. Try to make small changes to the unhappy parts of your life.
I wish you all the best and hope things get better for you! Take good care of you.

Saintsman....

I can’t reply in-full now, but I want to. So I’m leaving this here for the moment and will come back with something tomorrow.

In the meantime, just know you’re not alone in this. I get that 35 and single may make it seem that way, but you still have control over a lot of what happens from this point on. Coronavirus and riots won’t dominate forever. You have to see beyond that horizon. And don’t think God made a mistake with you or your time in this world. Just because your story doesn’t look like that of those around you doesn’t make it worthless. There’s still so much you have control over. You have to make a commitment to take charge of your physical and mental health. Find something that offers consistent outlets for you like, dare I say it, a good church, perhaps a bigger one with some singles programs, and a gym/training facility that can stimulate you, keep your interest and at the same time, help you get control over some of your physical ailments. The key is don’t look at the book and judge how difficult or daunting it will be to read by looking at all the pages; tackle one page at a time.....one problem, then the next. You eat a cake one slice at a time. You have to approach life the same way, lest you become overwhelmed.

You matter. Don’t ever think you don’t and don’t ever buy into the lie that you’ve already wasted your good years. The reality of that thought is entirely up to you. Remember.....one slice at a time.

At 35, most of your prospects likely already have kids.

Not sure I want to have kids with my future SO at this point, so meeting someone with their own child enabling me to be a step dad is something I don't mind.

My ex (no pics) had an awesome daughter for whom I would have loved to have been a step dad. Still bothers me that it didn't work out.

ETA: I am 35. I enjoy the pros of being single, but can also admit I am much happier when I am in a relationship.

quote:

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Not one of my female cousins ever offered to introduce me to any single ladies.

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Women are terrible at setting up their male friends.

#1 reason any of my female friends ever give me when I ask why they thought I'd be compatible with someone they suggested...."Well, y'all were both single..."

Get some of your male friends or family to do it.