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re: Thoughts on a big wake and funeral for suicide?

Posted on 10/1/18 at 9:12 am to
Posted by ChineseBandit66
Denver, Colorado
Member since Jul 2013
1794 posts
Posted on 10/1/18 at 9:12 am to
Mental illness is real, absolutely. That being said We all go through ups and downs. Every suicide is different but people need to stop making excuses all the time. Man up to mistakes, ask for help. If you need therapy go, that's the issue. People are to much a "man" to ask for help. A real baw asks for help even if it makes his skin crawl to ask for it.
Posted by LNCHBOX
70448
Member since Jun 2009
88713 posts
Posted on 10/1/18 at 9:14 am to
quote:

Man up
quote:

People are to much a "man" to ask for help. A real baw asks for help even if it makes his skin crawl to ask for it.


My old neighbor killed himself two weeks ago and he had sought out help and was seeing a therapist and taking meds and was open about it with many people. He tried to get help. It isn't that easy.
Posted by CarRamrod
Spurbury, VT
Member since Dec 2006
58300 posts
Posted on 10/1/18 at 9:14 am to
quote:

Makes sense considering, but that's pathetic (if true).

why? For centuries suicide, in the Catholic faith, has been a ticket straight to hell. Just recently there has been a push to believe that suicide be treated as someone with a mental illness, and is getting easier treatment by the church.

While i do agree you have to have something wrong with you do kill yourself, i do still feel it is the most selfish thing someone can do.
Posted by RocketTiger
Member since Mar 2014
1220 posts
Posted on 10/1/18 at 9:14 am to
Think about the word "mental illness." Their brain is ill. When your liver, heart, etc. is ill it doesn't work right. Same logic with your brain.
Posted by rbWarEagle
Member since Nov 2009
49999 posts
Posted on 10/1/18 at 9:15 am to
quote:

That being said We all go through ups and downs. Every suicide is different but people need to stop making excuses all the time. Man up to mistakes, ask for help. If you need therapy go, that's the issue. People are to much a "man" to ask for help. A real baw asks for help even if it makes his skin crawl to ask for it.


That's just a really naive way to look at things. Sometimes people do seek treatment and still kill themselves. Sometimes the medication people take pushes them more toward suicide. Individual differences are not something you can just push to the side in favor of "man up and talk to somebody".
Posted by rbWarEagle
Member since Nov 2009
49999 posts
Posted on 10/1/18 at 9:16 am to
quote:

why? For centuries suicide, in the Catholic faith, has been a ticket straight to hell.


Right. That's the pathetic part I'm referring to.

quote:

While i do agree you have to have something wrong with you do kill yourself, i do still feel it is the most selfish thing someone can do.


Well, clearly you aren't the only one with, what seems to me, a pretty obvious gap in understanding of the human brain.
Posted by Traveler
I'm not late-I'm early for tomorrow
Member since Sep 2003
26145 posts
Posted on 10/1/18 at 9:21 am to
quote:

has been a ticket straight to hell.

Went to a funeral service for a young lady that took her life. After the old preacher welcomed everyone and said a few prayers, he began telling everyone in the congregation that her soul was burning in hell. The gasps were audible throughout the church. The family sat there stunned, some were crying. It was only out of respect for the family that we didn't walk out.
This post was edited on 10/1/18 at 9:24 am
Posted by ChineseBandit66
Denver, Colorado
Member since Jul 2013
1794 posts
Posted on 10/1/18 at 9:21 am to
Naive? Seek help and that's it, is basically the only recourse for folks. In the end, it's ultimately your decision to end it anyways. Like I said everyone is different. Honestly the way we make it impossible for another man to reach out to another man is the real culprit. We need to use our friends who end it as a teaching moment to let our close brothers know they can always call.
Posted by LNCHBOX
70448
Member since Jun 2009
88713 posts
Posted on 10/1/18 at 9:22 am to
quote:

Honestly the way we make it impossible for another man to reach out to another man is the real culprit


Dude, just shut up already. You're very clearly clueless.
Posted by rbWarEagle
Member since Nov 2009
49999 posts
Posted on 10/1/18 at 9:23 am to
quote:

Went to a funeral service for a young lady that took her life. After the old preacher welcomed everyone and said a few prayers, he began telling everyone in the congregation that her soul was burning in hell.


The level of ignorance is astounding. I hope he wakes up to reality one day.
Posted by rbWarEagle
Member since Nov 2009
49999 posts
Posted on 10/1/18 at 9:24 am to
You've got to be trolling.
Posted by Salmon
I helped draft the email
Member since Feb 2008
85379 posts
Posted on 10/1/18 at 9:25 am to
quote:

Honestly the way we make it impossible for another man to reach out to another man is the real culprit.


almost as if they fear that if they reach out to their friend, their friend will just call them "weak" and "making excuses"

Posted by TexasTiger89
Houston, TX
Member since Feb 2005
26418 posts
Posted on 10/1/18 at 9:26 am to
quote:

Catholics think he is in Hell


Wrong.

Catechism 2283 - We should not despair of the eternal salvation of persons who have taken their own lives. By ways known to him alone, God can provide the opportunity for salutary repentance. The Church prays for persons who have taken their own lives.
Posted by ksayetiger
Centenary Gents
Member since Jul 2007
70163 posts
Posted on 10/1/18 at 9:28 am to
quote:

proceeds to show his newest gfs tits to everyone in the limo. I was like wtf? They were nice tits tho.




Why would you show your girlfriends tits to anybody?
Posted by SetTheMood
The Red Stick
Member since Jul 2012
3182 posts
Posted on 10/1/18 at 9:32 am to
quote:

I dont personally think the life of somebody who takes their own life deserves the same pomp and circumstance as other ways to die


That's a pretty rough position to take, as in your stated scenario you aren't 'punishing' the deceased, but the deceased's family. Most people who suicide suffer from mental illness, which is something that unless you've seen the effects of or experienced, is very difficult to understand.

It took me time to wrap my head around it, but I've come to believe that people who suicide truly feel like it is the only way to stop the pain they're feeling and that they have no other option. They've suffered with their depression so long that there's no other choice in their mind, and who knows how many times they've been standing on that precipice and turned away, only this time they couldn't.

If a person who succumbs to cancer after a 2 year battle is a hero, why is a person who succumbs to depression after a 20 year battle anything less? I suspect you'd say that the person who died from cancer didn't choose to get cancer, but the person who dies from suicide didn't choose to get a mental illness. And no, I'm not saying that people who suicide are heroes, just trying to help those who've never lived through it understand a different perspective.

That said, suicide is an inherently selfish thing, and its ok to be mad at the person who is gone. But it's more important to be there for the people who are left to pick up the pieces.
Posted by ChineseBandit66
Denver, Colorado
Member since Jul 2013
1794 posts
Posted on 10/1/18 at 9:34 am to
Well the priest(archdiocese of Lafayette) said he is going/in Hell. I had the conversation with a devout Catholic recently and she also agreed you are gonna burn. Y'all might need to take a united front on the issue baw.
Posted by Adama
BSG
Member since Oct 2014
123 posts
Posted on 10/1/18 at 9:39 am to
I am pretty certain that you are talking about one of my family members. I understand your point of view, but it is up to his parents to make the decision on how the funeral should be. If you have kids, think about how you would feel if you had to bury one of them. Whether it is suicide, being murdered at a homecoming event, or cancer, family still loves family. I am pissed that he did this. We are a large, but close family. He was a great person who cared about everyone. If his mom and dad want to have a large event to CELEBRATE the life regardless of how it ended, then so be it.
Posted by baldona
Florida
Member since Feb 2016
23356 posts
Posted on 10/1/18 at 9:39 am to
The other reason to have a wake and funeral is a sort of last time to say good bye to the person. Especially if it was a sudden death or suicide. Its a time for the spouse, family especially mom/dad and kids and spouse, and friends to say their respects and put it behind you.

Otherwise, you simply have someone die and give absolutely no closure to them not being around anymore. That's weird also especially if its someone close.
Posted by ChineseBandit66
Denver, Colorado
Member since Jul 2013
1794 posts
Posted on 10/1/18 at 9:41 am to
quote:

almost as if they fear that if they reach out to their friend, their friend will just call them "weak" and "making excuses"


Come on. You think I'm a monster . If a friend called and needed to talk, I would listen. I apologize if my having 2 friends who killed themselves in the last 2-3 years makes me seem blunt on the subject. Only a real prick would call their friend "weak" for making a call. I will sure as hell call him weak at that funeral though. Putting your pain onto others ie family is weak.
Posted by SetTheMood
The Red Stick
Member since Jul 2012
3182 posts
Posted on 10/1/18 at 9:42 am to
quote:

Well the priest(archdiocese of Lafayette) said he is going/in Hell. I had the conversation with a devout Catholic recently and she also agreed you are gonna burn. Y'all might need to take a united front on the issue baw.


This was a major issue for my dad to accept. He was so upset that his son wouldn't be saved as a result of his suicide. He spoke at length with our catholic priest on the church's perceptions of suicide, and I was surprisingly impressed with the priest's understanding of mental illness and how it affected his congregation. Essentially, the priest broke it down that my brother's succumbing to his mental illness was no different than a person succumbing to a battle with cancer by refusing chemo, radiation, etc. He said that those suffering from mental illness are those that most need God's love and protection, and that God wouldn't be the forgiving Father we read about in the bible if he didn't wrap his arms around those who need it most. I know this is not what the church taught when I was in school, but maybe they understand this is an issue where a change in their position is needed. I certainly hope my children receive a different message in school than the one I was taught.
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