re: People Confess Things They Did As Horny Teens

horny teenager story, chapter 1:

to get some privacy sometimes, i'd go take a 10 min bike ride to the back of this desolate piece of property. there, inside an abandoned concrete pipe, i tucked away my prized SI swimsuit and mail order victoria secret mags in gallon-sized ziplocks to protect them from the elements. after a session was complete, i'd sometimes have to wipe my hands or dick with nearby foliage. the softer the better. the autumn months presented a unique problem, as most leaves were hard and crackly, but in this particular instance, i managed to find a soft green one.

the reaction happened pretty quickly. i woke up the next morning and my dick was on fire. the head had swollen up so much, it looked like a broken clock pendulum. it was so much heavier than usual that it just pointed straight down at the floor, no flopping or anything, parting my balls right in the middle, one on either side.

i immediately realized what happened: in the throes of ecstasy, i haphazardly wiped my dick with poison oak or sumac or something...couldn't have been poison ivy b/c i know what that looked like, but at any rate, i had a big problem now. i was about 4 or 5 years away from having my driver's license, and there was no way i was toughing this out at school today, so i had to convince my mom i was sick and needed to go to the doctor. while there, i could confess what really happened, and he could help me out. so i give her my best "i'm sick" routine, but she's not buying it. takes my temp, and i'm fine. i tell her i feel like i'm gonna throw up, and she's ready with the pepto. she was one step ahead of every lie i had, so i broke down and told her i think i had poison ivy "down there", and please for the love of god don't tell dad. (she DID tell him, but he didn't ask me about it until 15 years later when he was telling me he got some on his arm and blurted out "yea and didn't you get that on your bird one time?"). the doctor was a long time family friend, so i had some reservations about showing him my dick pendulum even if he needed to see it for diagnosis. i reminded him of our doctor/patient confidentiality, and through a muffled laugh he said "damn...let's get you some cortisone."

the swelling went down quickly after that. everything went back to it's normal size, but the itching remained for about a week. fortunately, the last few days of itching had a glorious side effect. i'd barely touch my boners, and a deep tickling sensation would take over in the shaft. i would orgasm with the power of 10 clits. since then, i've had this weird pavlov's dog reaction to seeing or hearing about poison ivy where i get anything from a modest chub to a raging flagpole. as i grow older and get more and more desensitized, i've considered giving myself a mild reaction to poison ivy again to get that feeling back.