re: OT Advice: Family issue

About 13 years ago, my mom (in her early 50s at the time) was evicted, jobless, and moved in with her elderly parents. She tried to move in with me, but I said no. I had to go to therapy to learn how to deal with a fricked up family with zero boundaries. It was in therapy that I realized my mom has undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. Learning that has changed the way I interact with her. Your wife should read up on it. It basically explained my entire childhood.

My mom had 3 siblings who were unhappy with her moving in with their parents, but they were involved enough to prevent her from doing any real financial or legal damage to her parents. They were mad at me for not taking her in. I was willing to let her go to a shelter, my grandparents weren’t. That was their decision. She eventually moved out, got a job and got her own place again.

My grandparents have since passed, so she doesn’t have that to fall back on now. She was evicted again last year, but has somehow found another place to live and support herself with her social security check and money my youngest sister gives her for “babysitting” her own grandchild.

Unless she is a danger to herself or others, there’s not much you can do to force her into treatment. You’re all going to need to accept that.

I would take the advice of others on here to try and legally and financially protect the great grandmother. Find the appropriate APS office in Texas and call them.

The whole incident with my mom ripped my extended family apart. If I hadn’t gone to therapy and learned about boundaries and how to handle the self-destructive behavior of my mom, I would have let her move in with me and it probably would have destroyed my marriage too. I feel for you and your wife, it’s a very difficult situation.

I'll say what I was told by someone that greatly shaped me as we were watching a relative go down the slope..... DEPRESSION is a real MF and no matter the intentions of those around them, unless the depressed person wants help it won't get fixed. He added "depression" kills more people than all other illls, it may not be the final cause but it's usually the ROOT cause.

I feel sympathy for anyone who has to deal with this kind of situation. Just be there for your wife, don't offer advice unless she asks.

Someone posted earlier that you and your wife need to find peace in the fact that you tried to help and now you go on with your life.

Adult Protective Services. Woman needs a welfare check.

At best you are dealing with early dementia.

At worst you are dealing with a horrible addict who has given up and will take advantage of everyone including her mother.

The grandmother is definitely at risk of abuse. Welfare check for both.