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Started By
Message
Mitch Hedberg thread
Posted on 11/8/21 at 10:58 am
Posted on 11/8/21 at 10:58 am
I don't have a microwave, I have a clock that occasionally cooks shite
34
Posted on 11/8/21 at 11:00 am to Comic_Tiger
I used to do drugs... I still do, but I used to, too.
An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
Maybe Bigfoot is blurry
An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
Maybe Bigfoot is blurry
This post was edited on 11/8/21 at 11:04 am
Posted on 11/8/21 at 11:00 am to Gaggle
"An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs"
A wise proverb.
A wise proverb.
quote:MFer, how did we post the same thing, then edit to something different and post the same thing again
rexorotten
This post was edited on 11/8/21 at 11:04 am
Posted on 11/8/21 at 11:00 am to Gaggle
you have a lot of....cranium accessories.
Posted on 11/8/21 at 11:01 am to Gaggle
My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah
This post was edited on 11/8/21 at 11:02 am
Posted on 11/8/21 at 11:02 am to Comic_Tiger
Bananas are like the opposite of traffic light. In a traffic light, green means go, yellow means hold on and red means stop. In a banana, green means hold on, yellow means go and red means where the frick did you get that banana at
Posted on 11/8/21 at 11:02 am to Gaggle
He's the last stand up comedian that mattered to me. Haven't watched a stand up special in years, other than one on Netflix by Bill Burr and another one from Chappelle. Neither were very funny.
ETA "Wearing a turtle neck is like being strangled by a really weak person...all day."
ETA "Wearing a turtle neck is like being strangled by a really weak person...all day."
This post was edited on 11/8/21 at 11:04 am
Posted on 11/8/21 at 11:03 am to Gaggle
I always loved the doughnut receipt joke.
This post was edited on 11/8/21 at 11:05 am
Posted on 11/8/21 at 11:04 am to Jor Jor The Dinosaur
Lol, I saw that! I added the bigfoot one
Posted on 11/8/21 at 11:04 am to Gaggle
"I walked by a wineo on the street eating grapes. I said, 'Dude, you've gotta wait.'"
Posted on 11/8/21 at 11:05 am to DaleGribble
Dude, I saw you at the airport. About a minute ago. Dude...you were good.
Posted on 11/8/21 at 11:06 am to Gaggle
quote:
My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?
Posted on 11/8/21 at 11:06 am to LegendInMyMind
“I write jokes for a living, I sit at my hotel at night, I think of something that's funny, then I go get a pen and I write it down. Or if the pen is too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain't funny.”
Posted on 11/8/21 at 11:06 am to Gaggle
"Baked potatoes take forever to cook. Sometimes, when I'm in the kitchen I turn on the oven and throw one in. I don't want one today, but next week....who knows?"
Posted on 11/8/21 at 11:08 am to Gaggle
“I like to play golf but I’m not very good. I’ve never gotten a hole in one, but I have hit a guy, and that is way more satisfying. You’re supposed to yell, “Fore!”, but I was too busy mumbling, “man, there ain’t no way that’s gonna hit him.”
Posted on 11/8/21 at 11:09 am to Jor Jor The Dinosaur
"I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too."
This post was edited on 11/8/21 at 11:10 am
Posted on 11/8/21 at 11:09 am to LegendInMyMind
quote:
One time a guy handed me a picture, he said "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is when you were younger.
Posted on 11/8/21 at 11:11 am to Jor Jor The Dinosaur
quote:
MFer, how did we post the same thing, then edit to something different and post the same thing again
I don't know how you did it either, but I'm impressed
Posted on 11/8/21 at 11:12 am to Tortious
quote:
MFer, how did we post the same thing, then edit to something different and post the same thing again
quote:
I don't know how you did it either, but I'm impressed
Seems like y'all just became best friends and should probably go do karate in the garage.
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