re: Lighten Up with Laughter: Do your part, with a joke!

I was blessed with a 9-inch penis.
That priest is in jail now.

There’s something about the clitoris. I can’t quite put my finger on it.


A woman I slept with told me I had the biggest penis she'd ever seen. Turned out she was blind. She was just pulling my leg

A couple of older couples are having a get together at one's house. The men are in the living room, the women in the kitchen. The guys are talking and one says to the other, "man I had a great steak the other night." The other guy says, "oh yeah, what restaurant?" The first guy is thinking hard, "oh shoot I can't remember, hmmmm, hey, what's the name of that popular flower that girls like?". The other guy says, "a rose?". He hollers in the kitchen, "Hey Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last week?"

Why did Helen Keller burn her face?

She answered the iron.


Why did she burn the other side of her face?

They called back.

A retired couple that had been married for 50 years was struggling to keep up the romance in their marriage after their looks had faded, their hair turning gray, their skin sagging, and their bodies becoming more tired. One day, they figured out a way to keep their love alive and well: They had a nightly ritual to eat dinner together completely naked.

One day, the wife told her husband, "This is really working because my tits are so hot for you!" The husband replied, "I can see that, sweetheart!" The wife asked how he could see that, and the husband replied, "Well, one of your nipples is in your tea, and the other is in your soup!"

What did the white grape say to the purple grape?
Breathe! Breathe!

An engineer is walking through the park when they hear a faint "Hey, down here!" Looking around, they spot a frog.

The frog says, "I'm actually a woman under a spell! If you kiss me, I'll turn back and be forever grateful."

The engineer picks up the frog, examines it, and then puts it in his pocket.

The frog yells, "Hey, didn’t you hear me? Kiss me, and I’ll turn back into a woman!"

The engineer replies, "Oh, I heard you. But a talking frog is way cooler and easier to explain at work!"

A young fellow walks into a bar and promptly places a live frog on the bar. He tells the hot lady bartender, "Give me a Budweiser and a Bud Light for my pussy eating frog".
The bartender looks at him and asks, "Your pussy eating frog?...I don't buy that"!
The young fellow says, "hop up on the bar there, and I'll prove it to you."
The bartender hops up on the bar, spreads her legs and pulls her dress up as the young fellow places the frog between her legs and almost against her pussy.
The young fellow says in a deep voice, "Eat it frog". Nothing happens as the frog just sits there. "Eat it frog" the young fellow repeats, as he looks really frustrated.
As the bartender looks at him with a smug smile on her face, the young fellow pulls the frog away, sets him aside and tells the frog, "I'm gonna show you one more time"!

Stolen from the Sopranos:

A rich man and a poor man are talking, and the poor man asks the rich man what he bought his wife for Christmas. Rich man says "I bought my wife a diamond ring and a Mercedes." Poor man asks why did you buy her a diamond ring and a Mercedes? Rich man replies, "If she doesn't like the ring, she can return it in the car."

Rich man asks the poor man what he got for his wife...poor man replies "A pair of slippers and a dildo." Rich man asks why did you get her slippers and a dildo? Poor man says "If she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fu*k herself."

Waiter, taste the soup. Whats wrong with it? Just taste the soup!....

“What do you call an Asian woman with one leg shorter than the other?

Irene”

I LOL.