re: Is this a red flag? ie: dating and dealing with girl's mom

Honestly, if your girlfriend's situation is anything like mine, and if we have similarly behaving mothers, and it sounds like we do, don't be too hard on your girlfriend. That's a tough spot to be in. Having a controlling, judgmental mother all of one's life makes one a bit intimidated by her, and whether consciously or not, makes us want her approval, no matter how old or educated.

I've seen some comment that your gf must put her mother above you since it looks as though she's siding with her. If it's anything like my experience, she's really not. She's just trying to keep the peace as well as her bf (you) happy. We become people pleasers, and try to make everyone happy, especially mom, to avoid the bullshite. You can't just flip a switch and change that thinking & behavior. For me, distance helped with that tremendously, and we have a much better relationship than we did when we saw each other everyday. She'll always be the way she is to a degree, but I don't have to hear/see/feel the constant disapproval or butting in or remarks. Now, I can actually ask for her advice without feeling all of that negativity. I have no doubt that my relationships with others would have suffered because of her controlling interference had I remained as close in proximity to her.

Not saying this is exactly like your gf's situation at all, but I see some similarities. Just saying not to take her seemingly siding with her mother personally. If it's anything like my situation was, she's just trying to keep the peace & please everyone, which we all must learn in our own time is an impossibility.

A bad MIL can end a marriage. Good luck

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Maybe she's picky or was busy getting her career together that she didn't have time to date. I didn't know we still judged older single girls so much.

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settle down Francis. I said that meaning she may have been in a bad situation before where her mother had to be involved in a big way.
frick you for coming here for advise and shitting on anyone who says something you might not want to hear...geeez!

She's 28! She has been fricking someone at one point and maybe mom had to be the heavy to the jerk

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Vodkacop

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I'm not usually a dick on here but you seem beta as frick. If something bothers him then it's not good to just ignore it and "pick his battles". He's not married to her. Her doesn't have to put up with shite that makes him uncomfortable.

Some things can be a bigger deal to one person than others. People who look past things that bother them at an early stage, end up resenting. If it's something you don't think you can love with then get out now. It won't just go away of it hasn't by 28.

Tell her straight up how you feel.

If you don't want her I'll take her. Dealing with the parents is easy. If you can't get past that then the problems with you, not your girlfriend.

Just find a way for mom to walk in on you naked. She'll probably start calling first after that.

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Maybe her mom doesn't want folks to think she's a tramp? She old school. I'm sure she told her already "He ain't gonna buy the cow honey when he getting the milk for free". Anyone who thinks this is mettlesome has led a sheltered life. I seen and dated women with way worse mothers. Mom is just looking out for her. Come back and complain when she stops giving you the sex. This is amateur.

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The bigger red flag to me is why is the mother there at 8:00 in the morning on a Saturday? Who is ready and dressed by that point on a Saturday morning? My grandparents wouldn't think about doing that to my parents. I'm pretty sure my sister and I would be pissed if one of our parents showed up out of the blue to our apartment at 8:00 AM.

She was there being nosey to see if they were banging. She controls her daughters life and refuses to let her go, and apparently the daughter also feels dependent on her if she isn't immediately questioning what the hell her mother is doing in her apartment so early.

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Oh if you plan on sticking with her and get married do not move into her house. Y'all buy a house far away and this eliminates drop ins. Never ever ever ever never get a house near your in laws, you are screwed for sure.

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Poor Raymond.

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Run dude.. it will only get worse

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This was my experience. If she doesn't have enough independence at 28 to tell her mom she's an adult and will live her own life, and tough shite, then she will never grow out of it.

You will grow tired of it quickly.

LC