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re: Is this a red flag? ie: dating and dealing with girl's mom
Posted on 3/2/14 at 1:49 pm to Martini
Posted on 3/2/14 at 1:49 pm to Martini
quote:
Just live with it. It's no big deal and she's jut being a mother. My mother was the same towards her daughters and my wife's mother was the same as well. Go sleep at your house. What's the problem?
Not a chance in hell I would be with someone who can't do what they want in their own home.
Overbearing parents are an absolute deal breaker for me.
There's a difference in being a concerned mother when need be, but coming over unannounced and lecturing your 28 year old on having a boyfriend sleep over? No.
I sleep in a separate room from Jones when we stay at his parents' out of respect, but if they had an issue with me sleeping over at his house, we'd have problems.
0
Posted on 3/2/14 at 1:51 pm to Goldrush25
quote:
Don't see why OP doesn't just have a frank discussion with the GF to let her know that it bothers you that much and you want the dynamic to change. She can't read your mind. At least give her a chance to work the situation on her end.
Too easy. People like to complicate things.
This is one reason my ex wife and I moved far away. Living too close to S/O's family can be problematic.
Posted on 3/2/14 at 1:58 pm to Mike da Tigah
quote:
I'm up at 5 am like clockwork every morning, Saturdays too. I've already had 3 cups of coffee, shite showers, shaved and on my way to the market downtown by 8 am. I'm pretty much like most people my age who also have daughters that age.
Yeah, you're fricking old. You people get up early. People in their 20s are only up at 8:00 if they have to be. Do you really think its acceptable to go into your kid's house at 8:00 in the morning, when there's little chance they're awake, and even if they are, chances are good they're groggy? How would you like it if your kids came and crashed your house at 1:00 in the morning? Same equivalent to us.
Posted on 3/2/14 at 2:04 pm to OMLandshark
quote:
Yeah, you're fricking old. You people get up early.
Because people have to pay for shite that doesn't come free. I have to wash clothes, clean my house, cook breakfast, make coffee, get dressed and do stuff, because I don't have a wet nurse.
quote:
Do you really think its acceptable to go into your kid's house at 8:00 in the morning, when there's little chance they're awake, and even if they are, chances are good they're groggy? How would you like it if your kids came and crashed your house at 1:00 in the morning? Same equivalent to us.
My mom, who's in her 70s comes by my house in around that time quite often. It's not to check on me, but it is, because she loves me, and I'll always be her son. That's what people who really do love each other and care do for each other.
I think many of you just want to play house.
This post was edited on 3/2/14 at 2:09 pm
Posted on 3/2/14 at 2:11 pm to Mike da Tigah
quote:
My mom, who's in her 70s comes by my house in around that time quite often. It's not to check on me, but it is, because she loves me, and I'll always be her son. That's what people who really do love each other and care do for each other.
No. It's what people do when they don't respect other's privacy. My parents wouldn't dream of dropping by my house unannounced and I have the same respect for their privacy not to do it to them.
Posted on 3/2/14 at 2:22 pm to MikeBRLA
quote:
No. It's what people do when they don't respect other's privacy. My parents wouldn't dream of dropping by my house unannounced and I have the same respect for their privacy not to do it to them.
Privacy? So, they have to send a formal RSVP before they get the pleasure of attending court at your highness's chalet?
OK..
Posted on 3/2/14 at 2:25 pm to Mike da Tigah
quote:
My mom, who's in her 70s comes by my house in around that time quite often. It's not to check on me, but it is, because she loves me, and I'll always be her son. That's what people who really do love each other and care do for each other.
You and your parents may have that relationship. Mine and I don't. We both know how to respect each other's privacy. They know well to not bother me before 10:30 on a Saturday, even if I'm sleeping in their own home. I don't think its asking much for my parents to come over or call at a time when I'm likely going to be awake and alert.
Posted on 3/2/14 at 2:26 pm to Mike da Tigah
Look, we'll stay off your lawn if you don't drop by unannounced at 8:00 am on the weekend, ok?
Posted on 3/2/14 at 2:28 pm to Mike da Tigah
quote:
Privacy? So, they have to send a formal RSVP before they get the pleasure of attending court at your highness's chalet?
I appreciate when my parents don't come into my house when I'm rolling around in bed, and nursing a hangover and a morning boner, not to mention the fact that they know I'm sexually active and don't want to walk in on me and a girl I bring home if I somehow beat the odds for the night. In other words, they respect me, my space, and privacy.
Posted on 3/2/14 at 2:42 pm to OMLandshark
quote:
the fact that they know I'm sexually active and don't want to walk in on me and a girl I bring home if I somehow beat the odds for the night. In other words, they respect me, my space, and privacy.
You have a penis, and while that may be your qualifications, it's not enough to keep a mother at bay at her daughter's house who they clearly have that relationship, and have for a long time now, to think since your penis arrived on the scene, that should prevent mom from not coming over. It's her daughter. frick that guy, and until he puts a ring on her finger, is at his own house, or at least shows the intention that he has her best interest at heart, he's still just some random guy with a projectile wanting to stick it my daughter. You may be foolish, but she isn't. She knows how this works, and I'd say a guy on the OT asking the OT advise on whether it's a red flag or not is about what she figures it to be. Mothers instincts are more often right than wrong because they've seen this nonsense before and know how this shite works, regardless of whether you think they do or not.
Posted on 3/2/14 at 3:05 pm to Mike da Tigah
quote:
You have a penis, and while that may be your qualifications, it's not enough to keep a mother at bay at her daughter's house who they clearly have that relationship, and have for a long time now, to think since your penis arrived on the scene, that should prevent mom from not coming over. It's her daughter. frick that guy, and until he puts a ring on her finger, is at his own house, or at least shows the intention that he has her best interest at heart, he's still just some random guy with a projectile wanting to stick it my daughter. You may be foolish, but she isn't. She knows how this works, and I'd say a guy on the OT asking the OT advise on whether it's a red flag or not is about what she figures it to be. Mothers instincts are more often right than wrong because they've seen this nonsense before and know how this shite works, regardless of whether you think they do or not.
The same rules apply for my sister. I couldn't imagine my parents walking into her apartment unannounced at 8:00 on a Saturday morning. My sister is not my parents property and she makes her own living now. You sound like you'd be the father-in-law from hell and ridiculously overbearing and protective of a person in their late 20s. If you have a daughter in her 20s, I'd say chances are she's fricking someone. Get that shite out of here.
Posted on 3/2/14 at 3:17 pm to OMLandshark
quote:
You sound like you'd be the father-in-law from hell
Not even close, but father, hell yeah.
quote:
I'd say chances are she's fricking someone. Get that shite out of here.
Since we are discussing chances here, let me just say that chances are, a guy asking the OT whether it's a red flag in a relationship with a girl, on the OT no less, is not really in love with this girl anyway, or 1) he wouldn't ask and 2) he would respect her more, and 3) it would be far lower on the priorities than much more concrete things to do with the person he's putting his penis in.
For the parent(s) in such a situation, at no point in time does it sound like it will ever be OK with them to see their daughter as a place for him or anyone to just put his dick in, but a human being they love and have poured their life into, and want much more for her than that. There are plenty of slut monkeys out there who you don't have to worry about this with, and others who have just accepted what they see as the inevitable to modern society. Others are not so easily moved, and are not OK with it.
For myself, if it were me, and I really had feeling for this gal, it would be just another reason to want her more because clearly she has something from her family that would make her perhaps a good mother to my own daughter, regardless of the current judgement calls. At some point she will be a mother, and that's when it hits home what I think I'm talking about here.
Posted on 3/2/14 at 3:49 pm to Mike da Tigah
quote:
Wanna make the rules? Commit, and then you can have a talk with mom and explain the new ground rules if necessary to do so.
Yes, commit first then try to work out problems later. Seems legit.
Posted on 3/2/14 at 3:53 pm to lsuwontonwrap
This is a GREAT thread !
TWENTY-EIGHT YEARS OLD and still being "mothered" by Mother.
I understand both sides of the situation, and there is no easy answer. 28 is pretty old to be treated like a teenager, however !
TWENTY-EIGHT YEARS OLD and still being "mothered" by Mother.
I understand both sides of the situation, and there is no easy answer. 28 is pretty old to be treated like a teenager, however !
Posted on 3/2/14 at 3:56 pm to RBWilliams8
quote:
Yes, commit first then try to work out problems later. Seems legit.
The problems are a direct result of the lack of commitment. If they got married, and mom still tries to pull this when there's a marriage involved, then she's way off base. Until then, yeah, and from a parents perspective, show you are more than just a walking hard on looking for a place to put it and you think my daughter is better than your tube sock.
Posted on 3/2/14 at 3:56 pm to Champagne
Reading shite like this makes me so grateful for the relationship I have with my parents. We respect each other as adults and they don't make any effort to butt into matters that I don't bring up to them.
These overbearing relationships perplex me. It's way too segregated. I would hate for anyone to make me feel like a different "tier" than them. That's for children. Once you become an adult, your parents are there for guidance when you seek it and to be there for you as family/other adults.. Not to continue bossing you around. How disrespectful.
These overbearing relationships perplex me. It's way too segregated. I would hate for anyone to make me feel like a different "tier" than them. That's for children. Once you become an adult, your parents are there for guidance when you seek it and to be there for you as family/other adults.. Not to continue bossing you around. How disrespectful.
Posted on 3/2/14 at 3:59 pm to Mike da Tigah
quote:
If they got married, and mom still tries to pull this when there's a marriage involved, then she's way off base. Until then, yeah,
Marriage comes from relationships. If he is not okay with parents who act this way, he's not going to have a relationship with her.
And seriously, who's going to believe that psycho parents are going to magically stop being psycho when marriage happens? Yeah right. There are stories upon stories of this from people who lived it.. And all agree it only gets worse. They go from telling you what to do in your own life to telling you how to raise your kids, how to spend your money, etc.
Posted on 3/2/14 at 4:01 pm to LouisianaLady
No matter what people think, you DO marry the family -- for good or bad ..
Posted on 3/2/14 at 4:07 pm to TigahRag
quote:
No matter what people think, you DO marry the family -- for good or bad ..
Exactly. Which is why the OP asked if this was a red flag. I think it is.
Posted on 3/2/14 at 4:08 pm to LouisianaLady
quote:
Marriage comes from relationships. If he is not okay with parents who act this way, he's not going to have a relationship with her.
From what I've gathered from the situation here, we have a guy who just started seeing this girl and seems more concerned with her mother coming over interrupting the sex thing than the girl, even to bring this and her up on the OT. There is no respect there. And for the mother, I'd say that unless and until he's proven he is more than a walking hard on, she isn't going to respect that. You can't judge a relationship between mother and daughter until there's is an acceptable commitment that puts the mother and daughter relationship on the back burner in lieu of the committed relationship. That doesn't come from a few months in the sack.
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