re: Involuntary Singleness/Childlessness/Loneliness

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You got plenty of time. The risk of pregnancies showing up with problems is quite high regardless, but for women by 40 it is 1 in 100 for specifically Down syndrome. But ADHD isn't that big of a deal, nor is autism. I've worked with autistic kids my whole life, and the key is to have a support network. Just go find someone. There are plenty of people looking.

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That's my concern. A cousin of mine went down the same path as me and didn't get married until 39. They had two kids. He was 40 for the first one and 42 for the second one. The first child came out fine but the second child had down syndrome. Seeing her I know they love but I can't imagine how hard it is to raise her. It's pretty severe down syndrome. Given I know it's my cousin but it does mean there is a history of it in my extended family.

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The singleness is driving your loneliness. If you find the right woman, you won't have the loneliness. Having kids can be tough, and many couples even end up fighting over them. Once you have them, you love them, but you wouldn't be lonely in either case. I've seen many couples stay together for a long time without kids, and they seem extremely happy. It's just not the norm for people to think they can stay together and not have them. Focus on the first you suggested, and then decide if the 2nd is a must do. Don't work it the other way.

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I never thought about it that way but I definitely agree with you. The singless is definitely driving my loneliness. I think it's hard because women always demand that the guy have their stuff together and there is something to that but I think finding a woman I really like would really help get a lot of that under control.

I definitely don't have any desire to get married and immediately start having kids. I would want to be married for awhile first and obviously that's the first step. I think the companionship alone, even before marriage, would really help.

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el Gaucho

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It’s not really fair to be a man these days

Like all chicks are fat and have kids already

I blame George soros

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It has gotten bad, you don’t even try anymore.

Age is just a number. You need to stop comparing yourself to others. Run your own race. You need to find ways to improve your self-esteem when you start to feel lonely.

by choice !!!

You have anxiety and a bit of depression it seems. Your problem is your mentality as evidenced by:

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I was willing to get married if it was the right woman but I absolutely was no going to settle

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I've never had a huge amount of success with dating, and even if I were to find a woman that I loved and would marry we're probably talking about 41 or 42 before we would be having kids.

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I just feel like I've wasted my life

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Spend your days trying to better yourself instead of worrying about pointless shite and everything you are worried about not having will fall into place. Be constant in your drive and daily routines.

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That's my concern. A cousin of mine went down the same path as me and didn't get married until 39. They had two kids. He was 40 for the first one and 42 for the second one. The first child came out fine but the second child had down syndrome. Seeing her I know they love but I can't imagine how hard it is to raise her. It's pretty severe down syndrome. Given I know it's my cousin but it does mean there is a history of it in my extended family.

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Down syndrome is due to meiotic nondisjunction in 95% of cases, and is more heavily weighted toward maternal age than paternal age. It isn't specifically linked to genetics per se.

Also while having a child with disabilities sucks, there are plenty of resources that you can use. The key with children is to build for them a support network. That is especially essential for children with disabilities, but the same is true of children without disabilities. Down syndrome is just a condition, not a death sentence. I personally think you are excessively concerned about it, for little reason. Have you thought about volunteering with an organization that deals with children's disabilities? Because it isn't like you think.

What you need in general, it seems, is a support network for yourself. You should really think about volunteering. It's a great way of meeting people.

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Sounds like you're having a mid life crisis. Family men go through the same thing too.

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Corvette time

Pull yourself together, hit the gym hard, and the chicks will come. Put yourself out there too. Confidence is key. Don’t act like you are lonely and all that until you actually get to know a girl. Act like everything is great in life, and then once you get to know a girl, you can talk about more personal things, like being depressed and stuff like that. Sometimes, you just gotta be an actor in life.

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I live by myself and during the heart of the pandemic (March, April, May, June 2020) where I went days without talking or seeing another person. I think at one point I went over a week without seeing another person

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Did you live in Florida then? How's that possible if so?

I worked and lived with my beautiful ex girlfriend at the time in a blue city. If I could do it over again I would do it alone. Reading, movies and maybe some video games. Haven't played a video game in years.