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re: Happy Birthday?
Posted on 11/18/16 at 3:37 pm to IStandBytheU
Posted on 11/18/16 at 3:37 pm to IStandBytheU
Then i'll tell you. It's gotten much easier to tell. At first, it's hard. Then, you hear everyone else's story. And it gives you courage. And you realize you're not a freak. And you're not alone. And suddenly you have like 30 new best friends from London to Seattle. Famous people, pro athletes, etc. And you're texting each other every day and affirming worth and value and love and all this stuff. It's actually pretty cool. I have a stack of notes. Like, love letters from peers that we send each other. It's really beautiful, to be honest.
1
Posted on 11/18/16 at 3:41 pm to IStandBytheU
Part of the process is that you spill your guts. And the people around you don't judge you. The more you tell, the more vulnerable you become, the more reinforcement you get. And then, after this, you don't want "normal" relationships again. You begin to crave the intimacy of revelation. You stop thinking: If they really knew what was in my mind/heart, they wouldn't like/love me....and then you start surrounding yourself with people who have seen you emotionally naked. And like you because of it. Not despite it. And then you want more of that in your life.
Posted on 11/18/16 at 3:46 pm to No Colors
(no message)
This post was edited on 11/28/16 at 6:26 am
Posted on 11/18/16 at 3:46 pm to No Colors
You learn to let yourself be vulnerable. For the first time?
Posted on 11/18/16 at 3:55 pm to IStandBytheU
quote:
You learn to let yourself be vulnerable. For the first time?
That's about 80% of it. You don't make any progress until you get there. Then, things come in bunches.
No one cares what you're acting out patterns were. Or how your pain and brokeness manifested itself. We had a 26 yo virgin in our group. We also had a pro athlete that had 1000 plus partners. It's all about the origin of it. The original trauma.
My acting out was maybe a 3 out of 10 compared to others on a "severity" scale. But there was some ritualizing and patterns that showed some clinical concern. Not full blown, but creeping up the ladder.
But none of that matters to your peers. It's all about being worthy of love. That's most of it. And the brokeness all comes from trauma at a young age. 100%.
And, you qualify. You could easily do a week and get a TON out of it. Their one week trauma programs are incredible.
Posted on 11/18/16 at 4:01 pm to No Colors
(no message)
This post was edited on 11/28/16 at 6:27 am
Posted on 11/18/16 at 4:05 pm to IStandBytheU
Your behavioral history has absolutely nothing to do with it. I'm not saying you're an addict. I'm saying you've got trauma. And some of the ways that brokeness comes out is in this discipline. I would recommend a trauma program for you. Not an SA program. Although they're very similar.
Posted on 11/18/16 at 4:08 pm to IStandBytheU
The main reason that men with SA problems do their trauma work together in an SA setting is just to attack the stigma and to allow you to share with others who's issues are coming out the same way. But the work is all around trauma. The actual therapy is exactly the same. The SA part is hardly even mentioned, if that makes any sense?
Posted on 11/18/16 at 4:09 pm to No Colors
That makes sense.
Posted on 11/18/16 at 4:10 pm to No Colors
And, okay, yes. There was trauma. Is trauma.
Posted on 11/18/16 at 4:10 pm to No Colors
You sound good. I'm glad. :)
Posted on 11/18/16 at 4:11 pm to IStandBytheU
I am good. I'm better. How are you?
Posted on 11/18/16 at 4:14 pm to No Colors
(no message)
This post was edited on 11/19/16 at 5:45 am
Posted on 11/18/16 at 4:16 pm to IStandBytheU
Tell me about what's bothering you. Did you tell him?
Posted on 11/18/16 at 5:32 pm to No Colors
(no message)
This post was edited on 11/19/16 at 5:46 am
Posted on 11/18/16 at 5:35 pm to IStandBytheU
Sounds like you did.
I'm sorry, by the way, for the record. It my mistake. My fault.
I'm sorry, by the way, for the record. It my mistake. My fault.
Posted on 11/18/16 at 5:37 pm to No Colors
(no message)
This post was edited on 11/28/16 at 6:27 am
Posted on 11/18/16 at 5:38 pm to No Colors
(no message)
This post was edited on 11/28/16 at 6:27 am
Posted on 11/18/16 at 5:39 pm to IStandBytheU
I know you've been hurting. And I know you haven't spoken about it to anyone. I hope you can take the time to do some work around it. The only shame is if you don't ask for help.
Posted on 11/18/16 at 5:39 pm to No Colors
(no message)
This post was edited on 11/19/16 at 5:47 am
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