re: Coworker who constantly has a "death in the family"

This fricking GIRL at work for ten years was constantly missing work for everything imaginable. Death, sick relatives, her being sick, death of people she barely knew, taking off to comfort friends who had someone close to them die and on and on and on. It was at least twice a month. fricking crisis junkie! She did it because it got her off from work and she could go out and get drunk after the ceremony. Nasty arse redneck toothless bitch. I swear she had to be fricking the boss. She finally got caught embezzling money and will soon be going to jail.

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Kind of off topic, but useful tip for the kind of person you're describing: anytime you get a flat tire, go visit someone in the hospital, go to a funeral, etc., take a picture.

This way whenever you want to fake something like that later for work, you can send your boss a confirmation photo to show you're not bullshitting.

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Be careful doing that. A lot of phones time stamp pictures with the date even after you send them. So your boss will know when it was taken.

[Klinger reads Henry a letter from his mom that says his dad's dying]

Henry Blake: The father dying, right?

Klinger: Yes, sir.

Henry Blake: [takes out a stack of papers and reads them] Father dying last year. Mother dying last year. Mother AND father dying. Mother, father, and older sister dying. Mother dying and older sister pregnant. Older sister dying and mother pregnant. Younger sister pregnant and older sister dying. Ah... Here's an oldie but a goodie: Half of family dying, other half pregnant.