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re: Chuck Norris is suing CBS for $30 million

Posted on 2/3/18 at 12:51 pm to
Posted by yallallcrazy
Member since Oct 2007
813 posts
Posted on 2/3/18 at 12:51 pm to
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people.
It would’ve been a lot more, but he did not pull the pin so he could use it again

When Chuck Norris goes to sleep, he does not check under his bed for the bogeyman. The bogeyman looks on top of the bed to make sure that Chuck Norris isn’t sleeping.

Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas
This post was edited on 2/3/18 at 12:54 pm
Posted by WAY2GOLSU
Stick Red
Member since Dec 2007
1422 posts
Posted on 2/3/18 at 1:12 pm to
There is no such thing as evolution, there's just a list of animals Chuck Norris allowed to live.

Chuck Norris doesn't mow his grass, he just dares it to grow.
Posted by Gary Busey
Member since Dec 2014
33277 posts
Posted on 2/3/18 at 1:21 pm to
Chuck Norris hides a pillow under his gun.
Posted by EastBankTiger
A little west of Hoover Dam
Member since Dec 2003
21573 posts
Posted on 2/3/18 at 2:09 pm to
Chuck Norris has a bearskin rug.

The bear isn't dead...it's just afraid to move.
Posted by Reservoir dawg
Member since Oct 2013
14769 posts
Posted on 2/3/18 at 2:17 pm to
I really miss the Walker Texas Ranger Lever from the old Conan show. That was funnier than anything else I've seen on late night tv in the past 10 years combined.
Posted by TigerJeff
the Emerald Coast
Member since Oct 2006
16356 posts
Posted on 2/3/18 at 3:20 pm to
Douche Norris
Posted by Amazing Moves
Member since Jan 2014
6136 posts
Posted on 2/3/18 at 5:38 pm to
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the frick down.
Posted by Quidam65
Q Continuum
Member since Jun 2010
20455 posts
Posted on 2/3/18 at 5:47 pm to
When Satan was kicked out of Heaven, God gave him the option of Hell or Chuck Norris.

He chose Hell.
Posted by Jibbajabba
Louisiana
Member since May 2011
3917 posts
Posted on 2/3/18 at 7:59 pm to
Chuck norris brought to orgasm and impregnated 63 women at the same time by giving them the wink and the gun. 6 months later, the 1972 Miami dolphins were born.

November 4th, 2006 an Australian man attempted to correct chuck norris’ grammar. This date has gone down in history as the day the worst mistake ever was made.

August 15, 2013 chuck Norris made a bet with NASA that he could survive re entry without protection. December 21, 2015 a naked chuck Norris streamed over 13 states, reaching an external temperature of 1,274 degrees Fahrenheit. An embarrassed NASA claims it was a meteor and they still owe him a beer.

Behind chuck norris’ Beard is not a chin, but another fist.
Posted by BamaChemE
Midland, TX
Member since Feb 2012
7357 posts
Posted on 2/3/18 at 9:14 pm to
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Posted by patchesohoulihan_007
Member since Jul 2015
2339 posts
Posted on 2/3/18 at 9:44 pm to
Didn't read them all but so apologies if this was posted....

Chuck Norris lost his left testicle...you may better know this as Jupiter
Posted by OweO
Plaquemine, La
Member since Sep 2009
117404 posts
Posted on 2/3/18 at 9:56 pm to
My favorite is..

Chuck Norris's hand is the only hand that can be a royal flush.
Posted by HubbaBubba
North of DFW, TX
Member since Oct 2010
48757 posts
Posted on 2/3/18 at 10:39 pm to
quote:

How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do? All of them
Chuck Norris doesn't do pushups. Chuck Norris pushes the Earth down!
Posted by Peazey
Metry
Member since Apr 2012
25418 posts
Posted on 2/3/18 at 10:49 pm to
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago. Death just hasn't worked up the courage to tell him yet.
Posted by Jibbajabba
Louisiana
Member since May 2011
3917 posts
Posted on 2/4/18 at 6:59 am to
Chuck Norris once challenged lance Armstrong to a “who has more testicles contest”. Chuck Norris won by 4.
Posted by Thracken13
Aft Cargo Hold of Serenity
Member since Feb 2010
18149 posts
Posted on 2/4/18 at 7:33 am to
welp - my day has started off great - ty all
Posted by dpd901
South Louisiana
Member since Apr 2011
7735 posts
Posted on 2/4/18 at 8:44 am to
When Chuck Norris was told his urinalysis came back positive for steroids, he replied “of course it did. What do you think steroids are made of?”
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