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re: Cant stand this guy in my new GF's social circle
Posted on 11/24/14 at 4:28 am to SabiDojo
Posted on 11/24/14 at 4:28 am to SabiDojo
quote:
Nm; you can't be serious
Sabi, please don't revert to the "you must be trolling" meme here. I'm not trolling, I am very serious. Like somebody else said, this has been eating me up all weekend and I"m frustrated, already at work and posting on TD about it.
1
Posted on 11/24/14 at 4:30 am to SabiDojo
Literally just went through this. If your gut is telling you something's up, it is. It may take a few months, but it'll finally shake out. If you don't love this bitch and can't see a future together, move on.
Posted on 11/24/14 at 4:30 am to lsutothetop
quote:
Quotes like this make you sound jealous and insecure. It's not even about this guy in particular being in your head, it's about the fact that you're letting a guy get in your head, period. If you're so much better, why do you have to reinforce that to yourself by posting on the OT at 4:20 in the morning? It sounds to me like you're not convinced you're better. You're also focusing on the wrong shite - making money is good, making more money is better, but money doesn't make you a more charismatic person, so trying to win a battle of charisma with your paycheck isn't gonna do you shite. Just stop worrying about this dude, if he were a threat to take your girl then your girl would be with him already instead of you.
Really good stuff, and I completely agree. I think she already senses that he's in my head and that I don't like him from my body language. I agree with you that I need to enhance my behavior around him, and that's the point of this thread - to seek ideas how.
Posted on 11/24/14 at 4:30 am to SirWinston
Just let her go. It's not worth the stress.
Bill Simmons would be ashamed of you if I took a screenshot of this and sent it to him.
Bill Simmons would be ashamed of you if I took a screenshot of this and sent it to him.
Posted on 11/24/14 at 4:31 am to SabiDojo
quote:
She is testing boundaries, dude. She's the cheating type.
I basically agree with this. I'm not saying that she is going to cheat on you, but she is definitely testing boundaries. It is very disrespectful of her if she is aware that you don't like this guy and continues to bring you out to places where he will be.
And imo, once you become exclusive, it's time to stop with the childish games. She shouldn't continue to bring you places where he will be. You obviously have committed to her. She should do the same.
I'm not a fan of dropping all of my friends when I get into a relationship, but I damn sure won't continue to bring my SO around someone that he doesn't like. Relationships are about mutual respect. And if you're in a situation where you feel that you need to flirt with other girls, then you may want to reevaluate your commitment. Just my $.02, so TIFWIW.
This post was edited on 11/24/14 at 4:34 am
Posted on 11/24/14 at 4:32 am to BSG
Agreed!
Always trust your gut. Normally if you have a strong feeling that something isn't right, then something isn't right.
Always trust your gut. Normally if you have a strong feeling that something isn't right, then something isn't right.
Posted on 11/24/14 at 4:33 am to SirWinston
quote:
I fricking hate these games though - I was way happier dating multiple women where I had the power and didn't have all my eggs in one basket. I feel like I cuckolded myself by sticking only with this chick and now that she has me she can pull shite like this. She'd have never acted this way before we went exclusive b/c she was still trying to win me over.
So what you're saying is that your insecurities are getting the best of you... You talk about making more money than the guy, which is a sure sign of insecurity... Sounds like you're ruining the relationship but you'll blame it on her... Did I miss anything?
Posted on 11/24/14 at 4:33 am to lsutothetop
quote:
You talk to your girlfriend so she's talking to you instead of him. If she blows you off to talk to him then you bring up that she blew you off later - but you talk to her about you being blown off as the problem, not that she blew you off to talk to this guy. Your GF shouldn't be blowing you off regardless of who else is around to talk.
This is a good option but it risks making me appear "clingy". And I am talking to my GF fairly regularly (obviously) so I'd be willingly putting myself in a situation where I'm competing against a guy who has unique and fresh things to discuss with her. I think it gives her the upper hand for sure (although she obviously already has it).
Posted on 11/24/14 at 4:33 am to SirWinston
I'm afraid to know the answer, but I'm going to ask anyway. What is this subject your gf is so passionate about?
Posted on 11/24/14 at 4:35 am to Jreily85
quote:
I basically agree with this. I'm not saying that she is going to cheat on you, but she is definitely testing boundaries. It is very disrespectful of her if she aware that you don't like this guy and continues to bring you out to places where he will be.
And imo, once you become exclusive, it's time to stop with the childish games. She shouldn't continue to bring you places where he will be. You obviously have committed to her. She should do the same.
I agree with this, but how do I broach or get this across without being an insecure beta? Do I really have to break up with her?
Posted on 11/24/14 at 4:36 am to SirWinston
The first and only enhancement you need to make is to stop worrying about enhancements to make 
You talked in your OP about doing alpha shite, you know what alphas do in these situations? They don't let themselves get psyched out by their girlfriend's guy friend. If the guy friend is annoying when everyone's hanging out, they just talk to their girlfriends instead and keep the girl's attention focused on them instead of the guy - and if the girl blows them off then like I said, they bring it up afterwards and handle the problem responsibly, like an adult.
Just be you and stop worrying yourself with this guy. Your girlfriend is dating you, not him. There's a reason for that; act like it.
You talked in your OP about doing alpha shite, you know what alphas do in these situations? They don't let themselves get psyched out by their girlfriend's guy friend. If the guy friend is annoying when everyone's hanging out, they just talk to their girlfriends instead and keep the girl's attention focused on them instead of the guy - and if the girl blows them off then like I said, they bring it up afterwards and handle the problem responsibly, like an adult.
Just be you and stop worrying yourself with this guy. Your girlfriend is dating you, not him. There's a reason for that; act like it.
Posted on 11/24/14 at 4:36 am to SabiDojo
quote:
I'm afraid to know the answer, but I'm going to ask anyway. What is this subject your gf is so passionate about?
It's environmental shite. He's some junior professor who studies and lectures on renewable materials or something and she part time volunteers at local schools to talk about composting and the like.
Posted on 11/24/14 at 4:37 am to SirWinston
quote:
It's environmental shite. He's some junior professor who studies and lectures on renewable materials or something and she part time volunteers at local schools to talk about composting and the like.
Jesus...
Posted on 11/24/14 at 4:37 am to SirWinston
MMF is the correct answer.
Posted on 11/24/14 at 4:39 am to SirWinston
You seems new at this. Which is fine. You are lucky to be young. Don't worry about any of this, she is not "the one" for you. So just have fun. If she is the one, nothing would be bothering you during this phase. And stop being insecure about other guys. That is weak. It's ok to let other guys act like douches. Just let them sink themselves.
Posted on 11/24/14 at 4:40 am to SirWinston
quote:
It's environmental shite. He's some junior professor who studies and lectures on renewable materials or something and she part time volunteers at local schools to talk about composting and the like.
I don't feel like I could give that subject anywhere near the attention someone passionate about it would want. If it works for you though, awesome.
Posted on 11/24/14 at 4:41 am to SirWinston
quote:
environmental shite
Oh God no!
It could be SpidermanTUba.
Posted on 11/24/14 at 4:41 am to SirWinston
First of all, let go of the alpha / beta shite.
Have you tried talking to her? Telling her that you're not comfortable going out with this guy often? Maybe start suggesting other places to go?
If you try to have an honest discussion with her without sounding like a jealous controlling a-hole and she still insists on being around him, then it may be time to cut her loose.
If you really care about her then try to talk to her first. Let her response decide if you're going to stay with her or leave her.
Have you tried talking to her? Telling her that you're not comfortable going out with this guy often? Maybe start suggesting other places to go?
If you try to have an honest discussion with her without sounding like a jealous controlling a-hole and she still insists on being around him, then it may be time to cut her loose.
If you really care about her then try to talk to her first. Let her response decide if you're going to stay with her or leave her.
Posted on 11/24/14 at 4:42 am to Big Ragoo
quote:
You seems new at this. Which is fine. You are lucky to be young. Don't worry about any of this, she is not "the one" for you. So just have fun. If she is the one, nothing would be bothering you during this phase. And stop being insecure about other guys. That is weak. It's ok to let other guys act like douches. Just let them sink themselves.
I'm not "new", I'm in my 30's. I haven't had a GF in a long time though. I have dated nonstop for 2 years. I'm great at dating and seeing multiple chicks at once, but I got tired of it and thought that trying a real relationship with a girl that I like would be "relaxing". Instead it's been agonizing having all my eggs in this one basket. Absolute torture. Maybe I should just play the field my entire life if having a GF is this awful and agonizing. I feel like a 16 year old girl waiting for her to call me back, when only a month ago I had tons of options, etc.
Posted on 11/24/14 at 4:43 am to SirWinston
quote:
It's environmental shite. He's some junior professor who studies and lectures on renewable materials or something and she part time volunteers at local schools to talk about composting and the like.
Yeah....Those weirdos tend to stick together.
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