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Started By
Message
Can we revisit the subject of crowdfunding and subsequent behavior?
Posted on 10/25/15 at 9:43 pm
Posted on 10/25/15 at 9:43 pm
Friend of mine, one of best friends in the world, and known since 4th grade had a go fund me account started in late summer (early August) to adopt a baby.
They've tried for about 10 years, been through a lot, spent tens of thousands and now want to adopt. Ok.
Well today mrs chunky sees on the Facebook he and wife were tagged in Mexico at an all inclusive with a group, drinking and having a grand old time. By my count this is the 3rd vacation they've been on since asking for money. The other 2 were long weekend domestic trips.
They have about $10 K as of a few weeks ago, I donated a significant amount, and frankly I'm a bit offended and very surprised. My friend has never been one to ask for anything. I've largely given up on the goodness of the human spirit but this hits a nerve. It just seems like once you ask for money and receive it, you're behavior needs to change if you want credibility and respect.
Maybe that's not fair to judge them negatively, but they're blowing and going like any other 2 income couple in early 30s, but I find the eating out, concerts, sporting events, new kegerators, and vacations to be annoying after I've helped to fund it--all of which are well documented by the wife on social media. Well, except the vacations. Those are interestingly left off by her, but every happy hour is documented which makes it feel all the more calculating.
I'm conflicted to a point. Certainly they didn't technically do anything wrong and I don't expect them to abstain from living, but my gut reaction looks at a Mayan Riviera vacation (cost likely being 30-40% of what the received from GoFundme) as a bit insulting to those who gave.
Anyone have similar experience in the sense that you've changed your opinions of long time friends by crowd sourcing?
They've tried for about 10 years, been through a lot, spent tens of thousands and now want to adopt. Ok.
Well today mrs chunky sees on the Facebook he and wife were tagged in Mexico at an all inclusive with a group, drinking and having a grand old time. By my count this is the 3rd vacation they've been on since asking for money. The other 2 were long weekend domestic trips.
They have about $10 K as of a few weeks ago, I donated a significant amount, and frankly I'm a bit offended and very surprised. My friend has never been one to ask for anything. I've largely given up on the goodness of the human spirit but this hits a nerve. It just seems like once you ask for money and receive it, you're behavior needs to change if you want credibility and respect.
Maybe that's not fair to judge them negatively, but they're blowing and going like any other 2 income couple in early 30s, but I find the eating out, concerts, sporting events, new kegerators, and vacations to be annoying after I've helped to fund it--all of which are well documented by the wife on social media. Well, except the vacations. Those are interestingly left off by her, but every happy hour is documented which makes it feel all the more calculating.
I'm conflicted to a point. Certainly they didn't technically do anything wrong and I don't expect them to abstain from living, but my gut reaction looks at a Mayan Riviera vacation (cost likely being 30-40% of what the received from GoFundme) as a bit insulting to those who gave.
Anyone have similar experience in the sense that you've changed your opinions of long time friends by crowd sourcing?
This post was edited on 10/26/15 at 10:36 am
Posted on 10/25/15 at 9:45 pm to ChunkyLover54
Do they go to church?
Posted on 10/25/15 at 9:45 pm to ChunkyLover54
If crowd funding is still going on most sites you cant access it until its complete. Not sure site using tho
Posted on 10/25/15 at 9:46 pm to ChunkyLover54
Is your name Raymond Barrone?
Posted on 10/25/15 at 9:47 pm to Coon
No. My friends not a contractor who watches a portable tv either.
Posted on 10/25/15 at 9:48 pm to ChunkyLover54
maybe they're trying to adopt a Mexican baby
Posted on 10/25/15 at 9:48 pm to BRgetthenet
They belong to a church. Not sure their attendance. Live in another state
Posted on 10/25/15 at 9:50 pm to ChunkyLover54
Yea, you can put all those vacations on credit card, whereas an adoption you need cash up front.
Posted on 10/25/15 at 9:55 pm to ChunkyLover54
That would make me angry too. It says that a baby isn't important enough to make the sacrifice of skipping that vacation. Only exception I can think of is if someone else paid for the vacation for them. I would definitely feel used if I had donated to that.
Posted on 10/25/15 at 10:03 pm to fightingtiger2335
quote:
If crowd funding is still going on most sites you cant access it until its complete. Not sure site using tho
No some sites have no set time limits
Also, I see what OP is saying but you also can't expect people to stop living life and live like hermits because you were stupid enough to give them money
Posted on 10/25/15 at 10:10 pm to stout
Exactly. What the line? Concerts and sporting events are fine but vacations are not? I guess it's just a hell of a risky thing to do.
Hey boss, thanks for the $200 bucks. BTW I'll be out next week; going to Cozumel for a week to unwind.
Hey boss, thanks for the $200 bucks. BTW I'll be out next week; going to Cozumel for a week to unwind.
Posted on 10/25/15 at 10:12 pm to ChunkyLover54
If you would have said before donating that he could not do what he and his wife wanted to do with the money they earned, I would guess he would have asked you to not donate. You did a good thing, not for your friend, but for the child they will adopt. Live and learn, move on.
Posted on 10/25/15 at 10:14 pm to ChunkyLover54
feel good about yourself knowing you are paying for their hookers and blow habit
Posted on 10/25/15 at 10:22 pm to ChunkyLover54
I don't get why they are asking people to pay for them to get a kid. If they can't afford the expense of adopting a kid on their own then maybe it's better that they don't have any kids.
This post was edited on 10/25/15 at 10:23 pm
Posted on 10/25/15 at 10:23 pm to ChunkyLover54
I had a similar experience with a family I know with a special needs child. They are always doing fund raisers. But, I happen to know that 99.9% of the things the child needs are covered by insurance. And the things that aren't covered are minimal. They left the kid at home and went on a 2 week second honeymoon to the Caribbean after starting all their fund raising. Just really pissed me off. And it wasn't the last vacation either. They poor mouth to anyone who will listen and then turn around and go on lavish trips while leaving the kid at home. Once while he was in the hospital. Seriously. Left him in the hospital and went on a trip. Said they were "blessed" because he was in the best hands. Made me sick. I had to back away from them completely because it just bugged me so much.
Posted on 10/25/15 at 10:26 pm to 03GeeTee
quote:
I don't get why they are asking people to pay for them to get a kid. If they can't afford the expense of adopting a kid on their own then maybe it's better that they don't have any kids.
This times 100000000000000000000000000000000000000
Posted on 10/25/15 at 10:31 pm to 03GeeTee
I will say this. Adoption is ridiculously expensive. I think a lot of people who would be amazing parents get screwed over because they can't afford it. Yes, having kids is expensive. Over time. But natural parents don't have to drop $50K before their child is even born. Makes me sad for the older kids who will never have a family.
Posted on 10/25/15 at 10:31 pm to ChunkyLover54
I can see both sides.
Maybe they save like hell and don't blow their money on clothes, eating out, electronics, etc. and want to treat themselves to a nice vacation. I'm sure their issues are pretty stressful and difficult.
Maybe they're crazy in debt and being totally selfish by asking others to supplement their lifestyle and lack of sacrifice.
Really, who knows? That's why it's best to not ask for money, especially publicly. I can't ever imagine having a gofundme FWIW. I don't mind others doing it though.
Maybe they save like hell and don't blow their money on clothes, eating out, electronics, etc. and want to treat themselves to a nice vacation. I'm sure their issues are pretty stressful and difficult.
Maybe they're crazy in debt and being totally selfish by asking others to supplement their lifestyle and lack of sacrifice.
Really, who knows? That's why it's best to not ask for money, especially publicly. I can't ever imagine having a gofundme FWIW. I don't mind others doing it though.
Posted on 10/26/15 at 10:34 am to TigerDeBaiter
quote:
Really, who knows? That's why it's best to not ask for money, especially publicly. I can't ever imagine having a gofundme FWIW. I don't mind others doing it though.
That's what it comes down to. It's like a business that you simply don't care for for whatever reason. They didn't lie or break the law, but I'm decidedly less sympathetic at this point, and I've supported them in various ways for close to ten years. I look at the list of people who gave $50-$200 and so many are people I know sure as hell could use a vacation themselves.
This post was edited on 10/26/15 at 10:39 am
Posted on 10/26/15 at 11:07 am to 03GeeTee
quote:
I don't get why they are asking people to pay for them to get a kid. If they can't afford the expense of adopting a kid on their own then maybe it's better that they don't have any kids.
Kids are a strung out cost. Adoption you needs 10's of thousands up front.
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