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re: Any of you have experience with Stepchildren and their other parent?
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:31 am to CherryGarciaMan
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:31 am to CherryGarciaMan
A lion would eat the kid.
0
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:31 am to CherryGarciaMan
quote:
His mom works at Winn Dixie as a bagger
What's wrong with honest work?
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:32 am to Displaced
quote:
the naivety is strong
He said church.
It's nativity.
This post was edited on 8/31/15 at 8:33 am
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:33 am to SabiDojo
quote:
His mom works at Winn Dixie as a bagger
What's wrong with honest work?
Nothing. Just trying to paint a picture of the situation.
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:35 am to CherryGarciaMan
A trashy cop? Hmmmmm, that can't be a real red flag, eh?
Best thing you can hope for, if you want to continue on is that he just bows out of the scene. Worst thing? He decides he doesn't like you and your life turns into hell.
Dealing with a bitter ex spouse is hard enough when they are powerless, but if he does decide to be bitter, you better be watching everything you do. You know he'll have eyes on you.
Now, post pics of this hot thing!
Best thing you can hope for, if you want to continue on is that he just bows out of the scene. Worst thing? He decides he doesn't like you and your life turns into hell.
Dealing with a bitter ex spouse is hard enough when they are powerless, but if he does decide to be bitter, you better be watching everything you do. You know he'll have eyes on you.
Now, post pics of this hot thing!
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:36 am to CherryGarciaMan
Your situation could be completely different from my brothers, but there is still some similarities. By the information which your provided, she is the authoritarian in the the relationship between the ex husband and her daughter. It gets very difficult for one to be the parent and one to be the friend and ultimately it will cause problems. If you are in it for the long haul, try as you might, you will get brought into the situation between your SO and the ex in regards to the child. Just seeing what my brother goes through with my nephew and niece when they get back from the one parent trying to be their buddy is going to cause some strife between you and you SO. It might not be an issue when the child is 2.5 yo, but when they get older, there is going to be some issues. You are going to be in the same situation that my brothers new wife is in when it comes to trying to discipline a child that is not yours. My brothers ex is a lazy, entitled bitch but she ain't a cop. Your SO ex is probably the same but has some credentials to make your life a living hell.
This post was edited on 8/31/15 at 8:42 am
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:39 am to CherryGarciaMan
quote:
My gf bends over backwards to appease him to help her daughter and "do what is best for her". She wants her daughter around her father and all that.
Other than bending over backwards to get her daughter and her father together, how does your gf talk about her ex? Does she only talk civil about him in front of the daughter? Does she say to you that she wishes he'd go away for good?
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:41 am to CherryGarciaMan
Why would you do this to yourself? There are tons of women out there without baggage. Don't let the pussy cloud your mind.
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:44 am to Wtodd
quote:
Other than bending over backwards to get her daughter and her father together, how does your gf talk about her ex? Does she only talk civil about him in front of the daughter? Does she say to you that she wishes he'd go away for good?
She talks in a positive manner about him. She never mentions anything negative in front of her daughter. She is amicable bc she wants a peaceful relationship.
She has never mentioned anything about him wanting to go away for good.
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:51 am to CherryGarciaMan
quote:
I've been dating this woman who is out of my league for over 6 months now.
her baggage(kid with shitty dad) has leveled the playing field
Posted on 8/31/15 at 9:20 am to CherryGarciaMan
quote:
She never mentions anything negative in front of her daughter.
OK this isn't a bad thing....in time the daughter will figure it out.
quote:
She is amicable bc she wants a peaceful relationship.
Understandable
quote:
She talks in a positive manner about him.
Here's where I can see a potential issue. IF this guy is a dirt bag like you're saying, then why does she talk positive about him away from the daughter? I'm not suggesting that she needs to constantly talk bad about him OR even talk about him but this could be a red flag.
Good luck and patience is a virtue here. Remember being call a Dad is an earned title.....the daughter WILL figure it out in time.
Posted on 8/31/15 at 9:23 am to CherryGarciaMan
quote:
Is the logistics of everything stressful?
do yourself a favor and get out of this situation now. You may not ever thank me, but if you don't listen to me now, you will damn sure tell me i'm right in 11 years.
Posted on 8/31/15 at 9:34 am to Perrydawg
quote:
it is hard to raise children to do what is right and wrong when they are with him and completely having to re-teach everything when they get back from their mothers
this is the worst thing about divorce with kids. It's a winless battle if the two of you aren't on the same page as far as raising the kid separately. It rarely happens.
Posted on 8/31/15 at 9:41 am to CherryGarciaMan
I am blessed to be the best of friends with my husband's ex-wives and his kids love me completely. But I am not dealing with crazy exes either.
The mom and you need to be completely cool with DBD (deadbeat dad). Whatever he does (not pay child support, not come for his custody times) should just be allowed to happen with no repercussions (fighting, comments) from ya'll.
BUT document each incident (along with whatever lame excuse he has for failing to live up to his obligations.
As a cop, it will not look good as this money that he owes piles up - does it go thru the state and are they taking a tally of it? If so, it ends up as part of public record and there will be consequences for him.
As for you, you keep being a decent person and do the things the dad is failing to do like take the kid to the park, buy her shoes, school supplies, etc (if you can). Keep those receipts and of what you bought because you had to because he failed to pay.
Just keep being a good guy, let him be the azz and keep track of it all.
The mom and you need to be completely cool with DBD (deadbeat dad). Whatever he does (not pay child support, not come for his custody times) should just be allowed to happen with no repercussions (fighting, comments) from ya'll.
BUT document each incident (along with whatever lame excuse he has for failing to live up to his obligations.
As a cop, it will not look good as this money that he owes piles up - does it go thru the state and are they taking a tally of it? If so, it ends up as part of public record and there will be consequences for him.
As for you, you keep being a decent person and do the things the dad is failing to do like take the kid to the park, buy her shoes, school supplies, etc (if you can). Keep those receipts and of what you bought because you had to because he failed to pay.
Just keep being a good guy, let him be the azz and keep track of it all.
This post was edited on 8/31/15 at 9:54 am
Posted on 8/31/15 at 9:41 am to wickowick
quote:
I feel for you, man. But a real man wouldn't shoplift the pootie from a single mom.
add dating single moms to the list of trashy things the OT decrees.
I think added all up I may be trashier than Peej now.
Posted on 8/31/15 at 10:35 am to gingerkittie
quote:
Whatever he does (not pay child support, not come for his custody times) should just be allowed to happen with no repercussions (fighting, comments) from ya'll.
She does that, but it makes no sense to me. And she is much calmer about it than I want to be.
quote:
BUT document each incident (along with whatever lame excuse he has for failing to live up to his obligations.
She does that as well.
quote:
As for you, you keep being a decent person and do the things the dad is failing to do like take the kid to the park, buy her shoes, school supplies, etc (if you can). Keep those receipts and of what you bought because you had to because he failed to pay.
Why should I keep the receipts?
Thanks for the information and advice
Posted on 8/31/15 at 10:46 am to CherryGarciaMan
quote:
my gf goes to church every Sunday and has a heart of gold. Great parents and a fantastic upbringing. She would not cheat on me.
Posted on 8/31/15 at 11:00 am to CherryGarciaMan
quote:
Why should I keep the receipts?
Receipts for when you buy something that the child needs and you pay for - in essence, you are doing what HE should be doing.
It may be that you never need to show them - But iit is good to have if DBD (deadBeat Dad) ever wants to start crap with you. Or if you and the mom because more serious, you have a record of how you have stepped up to the plate to be a good man and to do your best to ensure that the child is not having to do without because of her dad's lack of support.
She may have to bring him back to court and good documentation is always great thing to have in case dad starts any BS.
Best of luck to you in this. I have often seen where a stepdad (or mom's bf) has turned out to be a phenomenal dad to a child.
Frankly, the less DBD takes the child or is in her life, the better your life may be with the mom and child. She will bond with you and he will become a marginal figure in his life, whole you become the one that she adores and knows she can depend on.
Posted on 8/31/15 at 11:23 am to CherryGarciaMan
Luckily the child is young now (2.5) years old now. She is young enough to bond with you and to a child that young, their preferences are for people who are there for her, who play with her and pay attention for her and shower her with love.
The fact that her daddy is her bio dad means nothing to her as she is too little to understand what "bio dad" means. She only knows who is really there for her and right now that person is you.
If this is looking like a long-term relationship, it could mean in the future that you could offer dad the chance to sign his rights away in return for not having to pay child support. (If you are on track to some day marry the mom and adopt the child).
Just keep being a great substitute dad to her and do all for her that he doesn't. This also means that mom will appreciate you even more and you are proving yourself to be a real man, a man who does the right thing.
But if you are hesitant about the relationship it would be hard for you to take this little girl into your heart, knowing that you may break up with mom one day and then not be a part of the lil girl's life.
But for now, just keep being the great person that you are to this child.
The fact that her daddy is her bio dad means nothing to her as she is too little to understand what "bio dad" means. She only knows who is really there for her and right now that person is you.
If this is looking like a long-term relationship, it could mean in the future that you could offer dad the chance to sign his rights away in return for not having to pay child support. (If you are on track to some day marry the mom and adopt the child).
Just keep being a great substitute dad to her and do all for her that he doesn't. This also means that mom will appreciate you even more and you are proving yourself to be a real man, a man who does the right thing.
But if you are hesitant about the relationship it would be hard for you to take this little girl into your heart, knowing that you may break up with mom one day and then not be a part of the lil girl's life.
But for now, just keep being the great person that you are to this child.
Posted on 8/31/15 at 11:38 am to CherryGarciaMan
I am married to a woman that had 3 children. I knew the children from the time the youngest was 2 and she is now 27.
Were there difficult times, yes. Did we have the conversation a hundred times about them being "my kids", yes. We are still happily married and will have our 10 year anniversary next month. The good times out weigh the bad times by 100. You are the only one that can decide if you are willing to take on that responsibility and hardship. Some people can handle it and some can't. You just have to decide if you are one that can.
I would say that you need to understand that it isn't fair to her child if you and the child get attached to one another and then you decide to walk away.
Were there difficult times, yes. Did we have the conversation a hundred times about them being "my kids", yes. We are still happily married and will have our 10 year anniversary next month. The good times out weigh the bad times by 100. You are the only one that can decide if you are willing to take on that responsibility and hardship. Some people can handle it and some can't. You just have to decide if you are one that can.
I would say that you need to understand that it isn't fair to her child if you and the child get attached to one another and then you decide to walk away.
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