re: Any funny dad stories?

Some context: My Pops was an extrovert, nice guy, never strayed or even cursed.

He told this on himself-

He was about 50 years old and went to the local grocery to pick up some mundane shite. He walks up to the checkout line, there’s a 20-something woman waiting in front of him. He glances at what she’s buying and says to her “Is your baby crying?”

No response from her. Poker face.

So, of course, he repeats his question but louder and really enunciating.

No response again. Nothing.

He then looks down again and realizes she’s not buying diapers as he first thought, instead she was buying a big pack of feminine napkins.

He died over three decades ago but “Is your baby crying?” still makes a bunch of us who knew and loved him laugh through our tears.

Two.

It was in the mid Seventies and for some reason my brother and I (eight and six at the time) had a weird fascination with motor homes. We were standing on the front seat of the truck with my Dad driving, at an intersection waiting for the light to change.

A ratty arse RV drove by and my brother screams outs "Look, a Winnebago"! My Dad shakes his head and says "looks like a Winne-Dago to me". We basically peed ourselves laughing.

Around the same time, in the same truck, we were behind the levee squirrel hunting with my Dad. Well, he was hunting and we were dicking around. We get back to the truck and see a snake in a small tree. My dad grabs a .410, and has my brother sit in the bed and lean back against the wall of the truck bed, so that he has a shot at the snake in the tree across the bed.

My brother lowers his aim too much and shoots the other side of the truck bed from a foot away. It was the loudest sound I had ever heard. My dad grabs the gun and looks down at my brother and I (I was standing behind them and he has jumped outta the truck bed and landed on me) and we are prone on the ground covering our heads. We thought we had been shot/the world was coming to an end.

He shook his head, pulled the pall mall from his mouth, laughed and said you two are a couple of gotdamm dumbasses.

To this day every time I see an RV, I smile to myself and remember that line. If I see one with my wife and kids, they get mortified as I HAVE to repeat it out loud. If my brother and I are together and see one, no matter where we are, it is repeated followed by a shite show level of laughter. This happened at my uncles funeral a few years ago. My 70 yr old Dad removed the pall mall from his mouth, shook his head and called us a couple of gotdamm dumbasses as he smiled at us.

Good Times.

As a kid I got a crossman bb rifle for christmas one year. That thing would put a bb through both sides of a tin can. It was powered by a CO2 cartridge that drops into a chamber. A heavy metal rod followed the cartridge into the chamber. The rod cap threads to close the chamber, punctures the cartridge and releases the pressure.

One day I was at school and my most likely drunk father walked into my bedroom and started fooling with the rifle. Not knowing what he was doing he started unscrewing the heavy plunger. There was an explosion that sent the heavy plunger through drywall in two rooms. Nothing was ever said about what happened.

My dad dove in head first to a 3” puddle of muddy water that he thought my sister (2-3 years old) fell into. Immediately got up and dove head first to grab her from the 6’ hole she actually fell into.

Love that dude. Happy Father’s Day to y’all all

My dad left when I was 4 to go get milk and smokes from the store.

He came back when my little bro got a D1 basketball offer.

Classic dad

I've got a couple...

My dad was heading home from work and as he is leaving the parking lot, he sees a late 20s blonde, obviously pregnant, walking up the fairly steep hill he was turning out onto. He stopped and asked if she could use a lift to the top. She accepted and got in his truck. They are sitting in a line of traffic and she thanks him for letting her ride. She then asks him, " do you date?" He's a little taken aback, but says no, he is married. She responds with "Honey, more than half my clients are married."

When I was 5 or so, parents took me to Disney, and my cherished souvenir was a stuffed Mickey Mouse that went everywhere in the car with me. He was picking me up from school one day, and mom had asked him to go by the bank and cash a check. He went through the drive thru, and only had his driver's license, and they wanted 2 firms of ID to cash the check. The teller (who was used to seeing my mom) saw the stuffed Mickey in the car, and put 2 and 2 together, and cashed the check for him.

He's been gone 27 years this July, and the missing him doesn't get any easier.

Picked Pop up in Houston as we were heading to Lake Charles for Easter. Pop was about 70, and had old man bladder. Traffic was terrible and stopped on I-10, and he had to piss. I asked Pop to hold on for a few minutes. Couldn’t make it to a restroom so Pop hopped out near Wallisville and pissed on the interstate. He got back in the vehicle as a changed man

Heading to a Rugby Tournament in Katy Texas one Saturday Morning in 1996.
I had two LSU Rugby teammates and my dad in the car. He loved getting out of the house for a weekend or even day trip to come watch us play rugby while drinking beers.
On trips where we left before sunrise he'd often wait till around lunch to crack the first beer. I was always driving of course.
Well this particular morning we rolled into Houston about 830 AM with light traffic(seriously!). Right around here I almost took the 45 South exit and had to swerve hard across 3 lanes to keep on I-10 West.
My dad was sleeping and flew across the backseat knocking over his little "road beer" cooler. Startled as hell, we expected him to be mad about my reckless driving and worried about his car. But instead he just blurted out,
"God Dammit, Michael! That's it! I'm openin' the bar!" and cracked a beer.
Those were some great times. And no he wasn't a drunken fool like Ricky Bobby's dad. He would often bring a hibachi and whip up burgers, hot dogs, even jambalaya, for the LSU players between matches.

quote:

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Picked Pop up in Houston as we were heading to Lake Charles for Easter. Pop was about 70, and had old man bladder. Traffic was terrible and stopped on I-10, and he had to piss. I asked Pop to hold on for a few minutes. Couldn’t make it to a restroom so Pop hopped out near Wallisville and pissed on the interstate. He got back in the vehicle as a changed man

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Dude. By the time my dad was in his 50s, he packed an empty Downy jug in EVERY car for every road trip over an hour. The downy jug was fricking genius b/c they kept the fresh smell when opened and the wide mouth made it easy to aim while riding or driving a car.