Favorite "The Office" quotes

From a new episode

quote:

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Jim is my enemy, but it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So Jim is actually my friend. But, because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy. So actually, Jim is my enemy. But—

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Dwight: I can raise and lower my blood pressure at will

Jim: Why would you want to raise your blood pressure?

Dwight: So I can lower it

Jim: I don't have a ton of contact with the Scranton branch, but, before I left, I took a box of Dwight's stationery, so, from time to time, I send Dwight faxes. From himself. From the future. [reading fax] "Dwight, at 8 A.M. today, someone poisons the coffee. Do not drink the coffee. More instructions will follow. Cordially, Future Dwight."


Flash to Dwight knocking the coffee out of Stanleys hand

Creed: "I've been involved in a number of cults both as a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower but you make more money as a leader."

Creed: "I'm not offended by homosexuality. In the sixties, I made love to many, many women. Often outdoors, in the mud and the rain, and it's possible a man slipped in. Would be no way of knowing."

quote:

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Creed: "I'm not offended by homosexuality. In the sixties, I made love to many, many women. Often outdoors, in the mud and the rain, and it's possible a man slipped in. Would be no way of knowing."

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Creed: [talking about Dwight pepper spraying Roy] I remember it was very late at night, like 11, 11.30. Big fella comes in screaming about God knows what; I think maybe Halpert had stolen his car, something like that. So the big fella pulls out a sock filled with nickels, then Schrute grabs a can of hair spray and a lighter...

Best Dwight quote ever:

"What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier; it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I love the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son. And he's the Chief of Police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier."

"When I was in the 6th grade I was a finalist in our school spelling bee. It was me against Raj Patel. I misspelled, in front of the entire school, the word 'failure.'" - Dwight

Stanley: I wake up every morning in a bed that’s too small, drive my daughter to a school that’s too expensive and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little. But on Pretzel Day? Well, I like Pretzel Day…

"she's a dental hygenist....makes love like one too. what a bumpkin"

"actually I do own propert. My grandfather left me a 60 acre beat farm. I run it with my cousin mose. We sell beets to the local stores and restauraunts. Its a nice little farm.....sometimes teenagers use it for sex"