What does Louisiana tax a 403b pulled out early?

Bad idea. Just roll it into your new retirement account or an IRA.

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Is there another negative to doing this besides the amount I lose on tax and the 10% penalty?

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That plus forfeiting future tax free gains.

I'm trying to come up with the level of desperate I would have to be to take those hits, and every scenario I can think of involves alternatives being giving blow jobs and broken knee caps.

Lol I get what you’re saying. The reason I was thinking about just taking it out was that I can’t contribute to it anymore because I switched employers. It’s a small amount (under 2000). I’m about to start a new one with my new employer but transferring the funds sounds more complicated than it’s worth

It'll be taxed as ordinary income for both federal and state.There will be a federal mandatory withholding of 20% but, depending on how much you make this year, what you ultimately pay in taxes will depend on your tax bracket at year end. LA doesn't have mandatory state withholding on withdrawals, so you'll just owe a smidge more or get a bit less back when you file. You'll pay a 10% penalty for early withdrawal if you're under 59 1/2.

At the end of the day it will probably only take you 15-30 minutes max to either fill out the paperwork necessary or complete a couple of prompts on a website to get the rollover started at your prior and then accepted at your current company. Probably the same amount of effort it would take to request a cash distribution(in fact it's not uncommon it's the same form you just check different boxes). Whether that effort is worth the early withdrawal penalty and however many years of growth is up to you.

What they’ll “take” and what you’ll actually owe are two different thing.

"Small amount under $2k...sounds more complicated than it's worth"

Let's assume it's ~$2k. First you lose 10% to penalty (-$200). Then you pay your federal marginal tax rate likely 12 or 22% (another -$240-$440). Then LA tax rate of 3.5 or 4.25% (-$70-85)

So you'd be looking at roughly a $510-725 tax on $2k. (Maybe a bit less if income tax is only on the remaining amount after penalty, I'm not sure) Is your time (less than an hour to rollover to IRA) worth that? You should be more concerned with the penalty and federal tax than smaller state rate anyway.

Keep it invested. Compounding works same if it's a large amount or smaller. $2k in its own account grows same as $2k in a larger account. Makes no sense to withdraw yet continue contributing to new 403b unless only doing enough to get employer match.