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Started By
Message
Advice for dealing with a loved one who is in cognitive decline?
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:01 am
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:01 am
This much is known and confirmed by a cat scan.
Cerebral atrophy and mini-strokes.
Our visual observation also confirms memory loss, confusion, delusion, severe mood swings, violent behavior, anger, and self-harming behavior (verbal only at this point).
We have an upcoming appointment with Dr. Paul Dammers at the NeuroMedical Center. We are preparing documentation about all the things mentioned above to be able to relay this information accurately to her doctor. Any other advice here?
I'm educating myself more on dementia / Alzheimer's, how to effectively communicate, dementia conversations, etc. by attending upcoming webinars.
We have taken the keys away, however, this person found an extra set and has been driving again. This person also rejected the in-home assistance that we interviewed, hired, and placed for a couple of days before the bottom fell out. This was agreeable at the time because we had the keys to the vehicle, but we have since learned, we were manipulated.
This person also suffers from a borderline personality disorder that remains untreated --- and most likely won't ever be treated given their cognitive decline.
We believe a diagnosis of vascular dementia is upcoming.
Shitty times for sure. But this is our reality and we're doing our best to deal with it.
Any advice, tips, or encouragement is appreciated.
Cerebral atrophy and mini-strokes.
Our visual observation also confirms memory loss, confusion, delusion, severe mood swings, violent behavior, anger, and self-harming behavior (verbal only at this point).
We have an upcoming appointment with Dr. Paul Dammers at the NeuroMedical Center. We are preparing documentation about all the things mentioned above to be able to relay this information accurately to her doctor. Any other advice here?
I'm educating myself more on dementia / Alzheimer's, how to effectively communicate, dementia conversations, etc. by attending upcoming webinars.
We have taken the keys away, however, this person found an extra set and has been driving again. This person also rejected the in-home assistance that we interviewed, hired, and placed for a couple of days before the bottom fell out. This was agreeable at the time because we had the keys to the vehicle, but we have since learned, we were manipulated.
This person also suffers from a borderline personality disorder that remains untreated --- and most likely won't ever be treated given their cognitive decline.
We believe a diagnosis of vascular dementia is upcoming.
Shitty times for sure. But this is our reality and we're doing our best to deal with it.
Any advice, tips, or encouragement is appreciated.
35
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:02 am to Will Cover
good luck to you!!!!
how old is the person you're dealing with?
how old is the person you're dealing with?
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:04 am to vl100butch
quote:
how old is the person you're dealing with?
Relatively "young." 75 years old.
We suspect the mini-strokes have been going on for some time but we didn't "catch on" for a while because this person also has severe hearing loss. It wasn't until we noticed that this person couldn't formulate their own sentences to where they make sense. It's a lot of run-on fragments. Many items are called "things." Dates, names, places, etc. are not often able to be recalled by this person any longer. Also, if multiple events are scheduled for this person, on separate days, it causes a lot of confusion as they don't fully understand the concept of time anymore.
This person's mental decline has severely decreased since May/June of this year.
This post was edited on 10/14/21 at 10:09 am
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:09 am to Will Cover
Dammers is one of if not the best Neuropsychologists in the area. He will be able to explain treatment and will listen to your concerns. Best of luck, its a tough disease.
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:11 am to Will Cover
quote:
Any advice, tips, or encouragement is appreciated.
prayers sent, my dad had Alzheimer's, it's a tough road to travel
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:12 am to Will Cover
You just have to spend as much time and laugh as much as possible
Will not be easy. Mother in law is deal with Alz
Prayer to u and your family
Will not be easy. Mother in law is deal with Alz
Prayer to u and your family
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:14 am to LSUWoodworker
quote:
Dammers is one of if not the best Neuropsychologists in the area. He will be able to explain treatment and will listen to your concerns.
This is encouraging.
The person that I am describing has been told of their condition by two physicans. We have had an ER physician and their primary internal medicine doctor evaluate them.
This person does not remember their diagnosis (forgetfulness, cerebral atrophy, mini-strokes, dementia). We've even written it down for them. This person has even read the diagnosis that I had summarized for them, but later denies they have not read the information given to them.
This person has seen their primary doctor (internal medicine) for years. They now discredit their primary doctor when reminded of diagnosis, saying "she is fat." I've reminded this person that weight never was an issue when they picked this doctor out and is only an issue today because they don't want to hear the diagnosis and her being overweight doesn't impact her ability to diagnose correctly.
It is bullying and manipulation at its finest.
This post was edited on 10/14/21 at 10:19 am
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:14 am to tgrbaitn08
quote:
tgrbaitn08
Thank you, I am adding these links to my nightly reading.
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:15 am to Will Cover
Prayers to you and your family, Will. So sorry to hear this.
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:19 am to Will Cover
Damn that's terrible Will. My mom was in the same boat - hated caregivers, was extremely combative, etc. We just gradually eased her into the process and it worked out great.
Sundowning is an actual thing so don't discount it. Drop me your email if you want to discuss further and most importantly, keep your wits about you it will be a tough road ahead without help.
Sundowning is an actual thing so don't discount it. Drop me your email if you want to discuss further and most importantly, keep your wits about you it will be a tough road ahead without help.
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:21 am to idlewatcher
quote:
Sundowning is an actual thing so don't discount it.
I'm learning and seeing this.
quote:
Drop me your email if you want to discuss further and most importantly, keep your wits about you it will be a tough road ahead without help.
Very. I've already experienced some very traumatic and harmful things said to me that I will keep private.
- please shoot me an e-mail. I appreciate you offering to speak to me.
This post was edited on 10/14/21 at 5:24 pm
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:23 am to Will Cover
May want to look into some elder law information, and maybe speak with an elder law attorney. You will want to look into Power of Attorney over medical and financial (don't have to be the same person) decisions. Financial is important because you need to watch what they are spending their money on; had a family member with similar issues and was "loaning" out several thousands of dollars at a time with no anticipation of ever collecting. Then, missed a few mortgage payments because they weren't taking out their RMDs.
Also look into how to handle estate planning. But, you will need to discuss with an attorney considering the known (and documented) mental decline. Anything the person decides now will easily be challenged in court.
Also look into how to handle estate planning. But, you will need to discuss with an attorney considering the known (and documented) mental decline. Anything the person decides now will easily be challenged in court.
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:27 am to Will Cover
Went through something similar with my Grandma. Her Alzheimer’s started getting bad about 3-4 years ago. After my Grandpaw died it got really out of hand. Her wanting her keys/driving against doctors orders, fighting with the sitters, thinking everyone was stealing from her, etc. We pretty much had no choice but to put her in a nursing home.
It’s devastating and there are really no good answers to give. Physically, she’s really healthy, but her mind is just gone. This past 2 years has been hard for everyone due to covid and not being able to visit. Just be there for them as much as possible. I used to tell her the truth when she would ask where my Grandpaw was at, but now I just entertain it and say he’s fine and at home. No point in breaking her heart over and over again, even though she’ll forget the heartbreak anyways.
As far as money, the nursing home will want all of their financials and will drain every account before getting government assistance. I think they look at the previous 5 years.
It’s devastating and there are really no good answers to give. Physically, she’s really healthy, but her mind is just gone. This past 2 years has been hard for everyone due to covid and not being able to visit. Just be there for them as much as possible. I used to tell her the truth when she would ask where my Grandpaw was at, but now I just entertain it and say he’s fine and at home. No point in breaking her heart over and over again, even though she’ll forget the heartbreak anyways.
As far as money, the nursing home will want all of their financials and will drain every account before getting government assistance. I think they look at the previous 5 years.
This post was edited on 10/14/21 at 10:29 am
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:29 am to Will Cover
Damn. Are you Jill Biden?
J/k good luck.
J/k good luck.
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:31 am to Weekend Warrior79
quote:
ou will want to look into Power of Attorney over medical and financial (don't have to be the same person) decisions.
I currently have Medical POA.
quote:
Financial is important because you need to watch what they are spending their money on; had a family member with similar issues and was "loaning" out several thousands of dollars at a time with no anticipation of ever collecting. Then, missed a few mortgage payments because they weren't taking out their RMDs.
This person is still in charge of their "finances." Thankfully, they have no debt except for a monthly credit card bill that is paid in full and a few utility expenses.
quote:
Also look into how to handle estate planning. But, you will need to discuss with an attorney considering the known (and documented) mental decline. Anything the person decides now will easily be challenged in court.
Yes, I agree. Working on this.
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:34 am to Triple Bogey
quote:
Went through something similar with my Grandma. Her Alzheimer’s started getting bad about 3-4 years ago. After my Grandpaw died it got really out of hand. Her wanting her keys/driving against doctors orders, fighting with the sitters, thinking everyone was stealing from her, etc. We pretty much had no choice but to put her in a nursing home.
I'm really sorry to hear this. There are no comforting words, other than it sucks that this is happening to you and all before you. It's a cruel disease.
quote:
Physically, she’s really healthy, but her mind is just gone.
Same situation here. Physically, fine. No issues whatsoever. And is very well educated that you would think I am crazy for even thinking this person has cognitive memory issues. This person can fake their way through a conversation especially if you don't know them that well.
quote:
As far as money, the nursing home will want all of their financials and will drain every account before getting government assistance. I think they look at the previous 5 years.
Our preference is to keep this person at home, with assistance. Their behavior may dictate otherwise, but if that happens, we will look at an upscale memory care facility, private-pay.
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:34 am to Will Cover
i dont really have much advice, just try to be patient i guess. good luck with it all. i do not envy your position.
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:34 am to RTRinTampa
quote:
Damn. Are you Jill Biden?
J/k good luck.
What's ironic in all of this, sort of, is that this person often comments about how stupid he is (Joe) and how he fumbles for words.
This post was edited on 10/14/21 at 10:37 am
Posted on 10/14/21 at 10:39 am to Triple Bogey
quote:
As far as money, the nursing home will want all of their financials and will drain every account before getting government assistance. I think they look at the previous 5 years.
Those places bleed people, because they know they are needed. It's really terrible.
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